be yourself – Shilpa's

The Empowered Woman… Who is She? Is there a definition? It’s a question that I think about often. Why? Because I think as women we work hard to mimic empowerment. We are only now learning to approve more than disapprove.

Without much further ado, let us find the perfect woman so we can be her.

Empowered woman; Is she my grandma who woke up at 5.00, went for her walk, bathed, prayed, cooked, and was off to her social work all before 10.00 am? Or maybe she is like my mom, who did all of the above and tutored her and neighboring kids too, or maybe like my mother in law, who though in her 70’s, can devour the WSJ and can hold a conversation on any topic in the world, or maybe she’s like me, who does all of the above and then manages to paint, write blogs, coach, and .. but oh wait… I. know, she has to be the tech woman who left the corporate world to fulfill her dream to be an artist, or the one who chose to follow her dream and become a movie director, maybe she is like my friend, who has a stellar job, a demanding career, and yet does all of what I do? Or maybe the entrepreneur who sells the amazing sarees through FB live and continues to build a sisterhood? Or is the one who is raising a village from scratch by reforming education? No wait, I know she is Z, the lady who comes to my mom’s home and helps her with the household chores, supports a hearing-impaired child, and smiles through life, irrespective of the lemons she keeps catching. What do you think, Is Z the one? Is she the empowered woman?

This blogpost is not about empowering you because you are your own being. In 2019, I was introduced to the beautiful religion of Buddhism by an empowered woman who refused to give in to my sulkiness.

We were four women of very different age groups discussing life and through the discourse, The Buddha is within us. This is a strong and redundant truth, it struck me as one of the most powerful conversations I have had. It also made me realize that the women found this faith through their own sorrows. There were struggles and there were tears, but they didn’t give up. They were seekers and they found a solution for themselves. To me they were putting their life stories in front of a stranger, their courage to be vulnerable was inspiring and their show of vulnerability healed me. They were healers.

From the Suffragette movement to the modern day, there are countless examples of women building each other up through the most dire times. Case in point, a Facebook group called Saree Speak. The women there are phenomenal. Through the shared love and passion for the Indian attire Saree, the women uplift each other, unlike any group I know. It’s a sisterhood of 155K+ women. Complete strangers that compliment each other, uplift each other in hundreds of comments.

There are also many examples of when we the women do everything in our capacity to bring another woman down. When we refuse to see the pain and honesty of another because it conflicts with our own pride and ego. It is also true, that as a woman we come in different strokes for different folks.

It is a choice we make.

I am blessed with not one but multiple villages in my Imperfectly Perfect World. Multiple women and not two alike and yet every one of them empowered in their own might.

To find the empowered woman, all you have to do is, Look at the mirror and you will find her standing there in front of you. YOU are empowered within yourself. You are the seeker, the healer, the applier, the campaigner, the contender, the spoiler, the hearer, the hauler, sometimes even the yeller (and it’s okay,) and you are the giver. So this woman’s day, give yourself permission to just be.

Stand in front of the mirror and smile, because YOU are enough.

Happy Woman’s Day!

This post was inspired by the beautiful truth from Vidya Balan. and the many women I have learned from. Do visit their links above.

It’s been a year since I stopped blogging regularly and I had my reasons. I was angry at many things in life, and every time I wrote, I wrote dark. I did not like that about myself. Life is not all happy, I know that, but writing to me is a way of sorting the unhappy from happy and when only unhappy comes out, its hard and takes much more effort to dig through the pile and drag the happy up. This was important for me. I have always taken pride in my capability to adapt and adjust and when the unhappy was stopping me from doing that, it was frustrating.

We are all a product of our experiences and it is the change that these experiences bring to our lives that makes us all human. The experience of losing my last grandparent, seeing the effects of cancer and how it changes lives and most importantly seeing how relationships change in times of stress, these experiences taught me the most important lesson of all: “life as we know it, is very fickle.”

Lesson 1: Life is fickle, it changes with the flip of a coin.

So, what’s the anecdote to this. It took a while, but slowly and steadily I am learning to live for one day only. Live as if this was your last day. So god forbid, if something happened to me overnight, tomorrow morning there won’t be anyone cussing me, but instead they will remember that I waved to them randomly as I walked my kid to school.

Lesson 2: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.

This is the only thing that works when friends or foe hurt you. It’s the hardest thing to do, but it is very important to move on and stay at peace with the world and most importantly yourself.

Forgive the colleague who took the laurels for all your handwork or the love you loved and it went away or or the teenager who used the only power they have to be rude and insulted you or those who keep asking you why you don’t work. Forgiving does not mean, forgetting what happened. It just means that you have healed. The scar will always be there and remind you of the pain. But cherish that scar, for that scar is a reminder of your triumph and how you overcame that pain. Forgiving someone does not mean that you need to be friends with them again, it just means that you have accepted them for who they are and are choosing to walk away to be at peace with yourself.

Lesson 3: Be yourself.

This is the universal truth and also one that we never actually make an effort for. Why? Maybe it’s the mixed messages we get in our life. When we were little and forgot the little things, we were told; “try to remember, its important to remember things,” and as we grow up we are told; “please try to forget, its important to look at the big picture and not the tiny details.” We tell our kids, make your own pathway, be a leader, but yes don’t forget to learn piano and get your A’s like the other kids.

We contradict ourselves daily and don’t think of it as same.

You will get a different advise at every phase of your life, and that advise is not necessarily bad advise, its appropriate for that moment. It is the change in advise and lack of empathy that comes in the future that creates the problem. So as you strive to forgive and be yourself, listen to everyone’s advise, do what makes sense to you and once you make that choice, don’t blame the world for it. A bad grade in school, a project gone wrong, a sour relationship, a burnt dinner, an angry child or simply a backload of laundry, these are all choices you made, not the world, so accept the shortcomings with the same grace as you smile at the applaud.

Some one told me yesterday – don’t short sell yourself and don’t take a step down. Stick to your guts, the struggle is there, but every failed effort is a step in the right direction. You may not have the right answer now, but you now know what won’t work and that’s HUGE.

Lesson 4: Surround yourself with positive people.

This is imperative in this crazy world. Surround yourself with folks who are good at heart. It does not matter how big their house is or how old their car is. As long as they have a good heart, you are in good hands. Remember the little boy who wandered the deserts looking for the Alchemist, well he taught us all one thing, “when you want something really bad, the universe comes together to make it happen for you.” This is very true. The Universe like us also has its mood swings and attitude problems. If you surround yourself with negative folks, you will attract more unwanted unhappy in your life.

Look for people who tell you, “yes life sucks right now, but its a phase and this too shall pass.”

Often we ignore to receive a call or make an excuse to not answer the call and sometimes it is just our pride that stops us from calling or texting the person. Appreciate that person who takes the time to call you, or write to you. They have choices. They are choosing to spend that moment thinking about you.

Today, I choose to ignore the negative, nurture the positive and move on. By doing so, I am sure the fickle life will slowly learn to stabilize itself. After all it’s life, it blooms in the most unexpected places.

Tag: be yourself

Who is The Empowered Woman?

4 life lessons revisited and learnt.