Pronoia!

And I took that step at 50 years. When many are thinking about retirement, it is nothing short of crazy that I am starting a new career. After raising a family for 15 years, and spending countless hours volunteering at schools, when it was time to think about career part two, education seemed like a natural transition. However, wanting to be a teacher and actually teaching are two very different wants, and so started my journey as a para educator. After working for 5 years as a para educator, I learned how to communicate with students and gain the skills of one on one teaching. Then came the pandemic and while it created havoc for many families, it was also the much needed pause education industry needed. The dichotomy and deficits of the education policies came forward, EdTech took leaps of innovation, and as parents struggled to balance work and kids at home, for the first time in many decades teachers were at the center and their work was now meaningful. Somewhere in this pandemic, I also took a leap of faith and made the decision to apply for teaching role. I had genuinely thought, HR will come back and tell me the gaps in my resume and then I will need to build it up, but to my surprise, I was offered a role at my neighborhood high school.

I remember my first day in Jan 2022 – here I was hyper excited, but my enthusiasm was short lived because many in the department even before working with me, concluded, I can’t do this job. I genuinely thought of going back and spoke to the admin who interviewed me, a seasoned educator himself, he told me to take the day off ,and said, tomorrow will be a new day. I will always be grateful to him for this advise. I took this day off to find my village and after debating with myself, I emailed a veteran teacher at the school. Ms. A (now retired) responded, my door is open, come on in, and then there was Ms. P and Ms. K. The next day, I met my program specialist, Dr. H, and, so started the journey. I am forever grateful, and thankful to these two ladies, for showing me the way, how to write my IEPs, and reassuring me that I can do this. Along the way, I now have Ms. K next door, a fellow believer in Pronoia and it’s been the best few months. Ms. P and Ms. K were the lifelines of the classroom and together, we slowly started moving forward.

June 2024, I completed my second year of teaching at the high school and it is also the season of graduations. , I paid my dues, and after 2 years of college studies, with intern teaching, I officially turned the nay’s into yay’s and am now an Ed.Specialist. This journey has been very hard, very rewarding and I saw Pronoia in action. There were days when I was bone tired, mentally exhausted, and yet I managed to write the reports, complete CTC portfolios and more. The Universe kept me sane, and introduced me to people who shared the same values. I know I am blowing my own trumpet but I am so proud of myself, and happy with myself for not listening to the negatives and moving forward with the positives.

This journey would not have been possible, had it not been for the ASAP family… Together, you inspire more than you will ever know, and thank you for being patient with all those weeks when dinner was a takeout or a left over meal. Husband dear, your whistles reassure that this crazy roller coaster life will sort itself out. To my children – let this journey be a reminder that it is never too late to take a u -turn or walk a different path, especially if it feels right to you. I hope as you evaluate your career choices, you will continue to find opportunities that inspire you to get up everyday with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face. To my parents, I hope somewhere in this journey, you saw the values and the grit you instilled in me, and to all who said a no to me, I owe you a special thank you, because your no to me, helped me find the grit in me to move forward, so thank you!

In this journey, I have often stood on the side and made my notes .. Musings of an Educator… soon to come. Until then, stay well and stay you.

Very Happy for ME!

Musings of Another Birthday…

The night was cold, but not cold enough. The moon glistened high above the mountains mocking the darkness below with all its might. She stared outside, imagining a cold wintry night, where the trees snuggled in the warmth of white furry snow. Sipping gently on her cup of green tea, listening to two little lambs squabbling away; The Shy Little Girl ,  had just finished writing the 46th chapter of her book. She asked herself “Am I wiser?” ” Am I wiser?”, she asked again and the question continued to echo back. She was hoping for an answer but did not find one. She flips the page, and begins to write Chapter 47.

The idyllic cheery squabbles interrupted her writing. She twitched, ready to look up and give them a monitoring and just then as if  sensing her discomfort the little lamb bleated, “It’s mom’s birthday tomorrow and I am doing something in the garage for her.” She had the answer to her question.

She was not wiser, but definitely more thankful than the year before.

                                                 Chapter 47
                       Where wishes end, being thankful begins.

The 47th chapter is when I can’t close my eyes and wish for something tangible, nothing comes to mind. It is a year though when I continue to be thankful.  Don’t get me wrong, wishes are a childlike privilege that we often deny ourselves. We need to indulge and I do too. However, the need to wish for a gift on my birthday doesn’t seem to be the need anymore. It is a wonderful day  to appreciate and celebrate the bounty of life, especially when your birthday is exactly a week before Thanksgiving. I just realized this.

In honor of my birthday and in celebration of the eleventh month of  the year, here are eleven realizations from a life of 46 years.

I finally know who I am. 
I now know myself like the girl in the mirror.

My creativity. 
Yes, blowing my trumpet here, but I do pride in whipping up a meal from nothing and being able to take nothing and make something from it. It may not be perfect, but it gets the job done and the need of the hour is fulfilled.  The art keeps me alive.

Pronoia is real. 
Pronoia is as mythical as Santa and as real as the rainbow. If you believe hard enough, there is always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Courage takes time. 

It took 46 years of learning and finally, I am where I want to me. It’s not way up high, it is way down with little kids , the world calls special. I interact with them daily and am blessed to continuously hear, Thank you Mrs. V! I saw a dandelion, they wished!

Family is all that matters. 
My husband keeps it positive for me. Yes, I can sulk and sulk easily. He has the courage to say, “stop sulking and get your act together” and for that I get annoyed and yet am very grateful.  My son is now my teacher in many ways, through him, I have learnt; “attitude matters.”  My daughter, she personifies kindness and generosity. She reminds me to be gentle on the hardest days.

The Healthy outfit looks different on everybody.
I can crawl on my fours and that’s good enough.

Elders, blessed to have many in the family.  
Their blessings continue to guide us.

Mistakes are okay. 
Whoever dreamed of perfection in the first try, only dreamt. It takes years of practice and decades of mistakes for perfection to happen.

Be Unfuckwithable.
It’s the best.

Learning the art of forgiving, almost
It’s hard to forgive from a hurting heart. It’s hard to heal a hurting heart, but once we learn to zone out, it becomes easier. I am still learning this one, but getting better one day at a time.

Friends, it’s an invisible pillar that allows you to lean upon it across geographic boundaries. 

I hit the jackpot with this one.

I now look forward to continue writing this chapter and making it more meaningful. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I do know I am capable of welcoming it all.

Life maybe a roller coaster and I may hold on tight at times, but the 3F’s in my life, my Faith, my Family and my Friends will roll with me.

In this 47th chapter, I will continue to build upon the realizations of my imperfectly perfect life.
Happy Birthday to Me!