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Man of Steel is NOT Superman!

It’s interesting how almost all brilliant world defying and changing ideas come from high schoolers or college drop outs. We all know how Apple and the like started. Individuals who dared to think beyond an average Joe’s imagination and said, Yes, it can be done, and more importantly did it.

One such imaginative creation was Superman. Ok, it didn’t change the world we live in, it didn’t introduce us to any new gadgets or time saving devices, but it did create a super hero, which would give birth to more. Superman mostly known as a popular American icon is now global. He was born in 1933 from imaginative genius of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Did you know that they first introduced him as a bad guy? The comic did not succeed. They then reintroduced him as a super hero and it worked. And if I am not mistaken that was the time of depression, so a super hero was exactly what America needed at the time. Some one who would set it all straight.

The ORIGINALS!

Fast forward to 1978 and Hollywood brings the character alive in the first Superman Movie with Christopher Reeve as Superman, Margot Kidder as Lois Lane; superman’s lady love and Gene Hackman as the evil Lex Luthor. The movie created history and was followed by sequels. Superman IV: Quest for Peace released in 1987 was the last one with Christopher Reeve as the lead.

At this point, I need to ask you a question: Have you seen these four movies? Are you a Superman (the original series) fan? If you answered yes to either of the questions, continue reading. If you answered no to both, then its okay to click the little “X” on your browser and move on.

One is either a Superman fan or not. Its hard to watch these four sequels and come out indifferent, and YES i am a die hard fan of Superman movies. I remember watching them with my brother over and over again. There is obviously a nostalgia bias but even today Superman does not bore us. We can watch it again, and both of us have been trying very hard to get our spouses equally interested in it too. They like it, but not quite as much 🙂

You Decide..
Even the poster does not compare
to the originals.

So, you can only imagine my joy when I saw the trailer of Man of Steel. 2006 was when Superman Returns came to the screens and my reaction was … “Not bad, it was actually quite nice.” I was very excited to go and see Man of Steel, with all the technology available today, I was looking forward to an amazing 2.5 hours of movie time.

Notice how I said “I was.., ” because that’s exactly what it was. This is the first time I am reviewing a movie in such detail and I give Man of Steel a B, only because it has the legacy of Superman attached to it.

Man of Steel like Superman starts off with a shot of planet Krypton. I don’t know if the creators of the comic named it after the chemically inert gas Krypton or not, but the planet Krypton did show many similar characteristics to the gas. The planet was shown as white with crystals all around. The crystals had a green glow to them. Interestingly Krypton gas when frozen is white and in its gaseous state has green and orange hues to it. Unlike the original, the 2013 version of Krypton is a dark rugged planet with jagged mountain edges. The planet in both cases is at the brink of destruction for different reasons, in 1978, the planet exploded because it was time. I guess every celestial body has an age limit. In 2013, the planet had used up all its resources and was self destroying.

In both cases, Krypton’s brilliant scientist Jor-El and his wife have identified Earth as the safe destination for their only son Kal-El, who they pack and ship in a capsule that finds its way to a farming family in Kansas. Unlike the original series, where in the parents through acts of baby Kal-El identify the unusual and super powers of the child, in the new movie they are presented as flash backs of the adult Kal-El.

If you have seen the originals, then you know the chemistry between Lois Lane, the pretty reported from Daily Planet and Superman. That was missing BIG time in Man of Steel. In fact there was no chemistry, until the end when oddly enough the chemistry kicks in the midst of a Metropolis that is completely destroyed and blackened by the extensive fights between General Zod and Superman.

There was no Lex Luthor in Man of Steel and yet I think I saw trucks in Metropolis that had Lexcorp written on it, or did I imagine that? It doesn’t matter, because there can not be a Superman movie without Lex Luthor.

An interesting twist in Man of Steel is challenging what the word S stands for. S in the originals stands for Superman. A word coined by Lois Lane after her first romantic flight with Superman. In 2013, S is not “S” as we Earthlings know it, it actually is the symbol of hope on the planet Krypton. So both General Zod and Superman have it for different reasons. Little did either one know that the symbol S on Superman is the family crest for the “House of El” which Superman belongs to. Why S? Well there are different theories but it could because the last names of the writers of the series ends with S 🙂

Okay, you can call be picky, but Man of Steel needs some flying lessons. Who flies with closed fists? Either have your hands tightly pulled in next to your body or have the palms straight open to create the aero dynamics needed to fly.

To sum it up, Man of Steel may have flown on the opening weekend, but it sure won’t soar beyond that. It lacks the guiltlessness and purity of the character Superman. The simple gestures he did and that “feel good” feeling. Unlike the real Superman whose main goal in every battle was to take the evil doers away from planet Earth so the planet and its people would not be destroyed, the Man of Steel fights right in the middle of the city leaving Metropolis looking like a mountain of bricks, bended steel and broken glass.

The endless battle with the squid like looking droids that strew out steel tentacles, General Zod and Superman destroys Earth completely. And considering how strong General Zod is, one would think he would die in an equally cosmic way, but instead all that was needed was a twist of neck. Superman could have done that in 90 minutes, but Man of Steel took close to 150 minutes to do the same task.

Its interesting how the 2006 movie Superman Returns which had a perfect opportunity to a sequel was completely ignored and the writers and director spared no expense and effort to recreate a legacy which was great to begin with.

It is true the world continues to need a hero but Man of Steel is not that hero.

Could it be that the differences in the perception and direction of the two movies is a reflection of the times and world we live in today? You decide.

I continue to believe in Superman.

Dream On!

“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.”

A quote that I read on a friends FB wall is what inspired this post.

A simple and a powerful thought that is often forgotten. We all have dreams and yet I am to meet a person who tells me, “I am living my dream.”

What are dreams? The dictionary defines it as “A series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep.” Pretty boring. We all know dreams are much more than a series of thoughts and sensations running through our mind.

Research after research has, is and will continue to happen to unravel this mysterious world we go to in to during our sleep, that we so fondly called “dream land.” The depth and space of “Dream land” I think is beyond our imagination for we have people who dream everyday, there our those who never remember a dream and then some of us can’t fall asleep and some times our dreams scare us. Dream land seems to be a very interesting place so its not a surprise that for decades maybe even centuries scientists have been trying to unravel this mystery with little success though.

Here’s a question worth thinking about, Do we wish for it first or dream about it first?

My take, we wish about it first and then through our daily life, we give that wish a name, a face, a desire, a goal and if the wish is strong enough, we dream about it.

Make a Dream Book.

So do dreams come from wishes, I think so. Though I can assure you a scientist will say the opposite. Dreams to me our my wishes coming true. Has it ever happened to you, that you sleep with a thought or a desire to complete a task, solve a puzzle or maybe wished that you could meet that friend you haven’t seen for a long time. And then when you wake up, you have this brainwave on how to either solve the challenge or approach a situation and it works. Where did this brainwave come from? It just didn’t happen. Something happened while you were asleep. While the child in me who still believes in Santa Claus wants to say that yes, it was a fairy that came, the reality is it was your mind that was working like a silent machine and solving those puzzles for you.

If you agree that wishes transform to dreams and a continued dream can become a reality with the dedication and hard work, then you will agree that “Dreams Have No Expiration Dates.”

We all have dreams that have matured in age with us. From the child hood dreams of wanting to go to the moon, to bringing the T-Rex back to life, dreams also change with age for most of us. There are only a few handful of us who have a child hood dream that carries forward to adulthood and it is these handful that are lucky enough to “live their dreams.” These few individuals are the ones who are so passionate about their dreams that they don’t let go, they keep them alive.

Most of us let go of our dreams with the excuse “life, it happens.”

So what is or was your dream? What do you want to do when you grow up?

Open a restaurant, have a painting exhibition, see the North Pole, climb Mount Everest, become a stellar investor, or maybe quit that job and be a great parent; what ever that dream, hold on to it. Maybe life has taken over today, but that’s no reason to not think about your dream. Make your dream a reality with a “Dream book.” Clip pictures, write down your thoughts, ideas anything related to your dream, add it your “Dream Book” and before you know it, you’ll have a plan in action to make this dream a reality.

Different cultures say it differently, but a very popular thought in all cultures is “when we want something really bad, nature works with us to make it happen.” Be it your first love or that first dream, all you have to do is prove it to nature that YES, you want it really bad and its amazing how suddenly you will be living your dream.

Dreams are very powerful, keep them positive and alive.

My Father and Me.

My relationship with my dad is an interesting one. It started with a sense of wonder as to who is he?

I was 9 months old, when he was called upon by duty (no he is not in the army or any forces,) but none the less, duty called and he had to leave for Japan to bring back to India its first oil drilling rig Sagar Samrat. He was one of the electrical engineers on board. New job, new marriage, new daughter, the thrill and the honor of being chosen as one of the few to bring Sagar Samrat home. Very exciting times for him. I was more than a year old, when he came back, and my mom now laughingly shares stories of how amused I was when everyone told baby Shilpa, that aren’t you excited, “papa is coming home tomorrow,” and there I would be wondering what is Papa?

Sagar Samrat India’s first drilling rig on a Rs. 1.00 note.
To be a part of this expedition, definitely a moment of pride.

A 41 year old Japanese Doll.

He came and I hid behind my Mom’s Saree, for I had never seen him before. He brought me the prettiest Japanese doll. The doll that my mom has so preciously preserved.Today after 41 years it still continues to sit demurely in my parents living room as the gentle and proud reminder of 1973. I don’t remember my reaction to the doll, but I hope I had smiled.

My dad has a very distinctive voice, one of those voices that you hear once, it’s kind of hard to forget. In fact many of his long lost friends and clients may forget his name, but they don’t forget the voice. As an adult today, I can appreciate the base and depth of the voice, but as a one year old, I was scared of the heavy voice. It took a while for me to warm up to him. Life moved on, 4 years later my parents were blessed with a son and I with a brother. But my relationship with dad, a strange mix of fear, respect, admiration and love continued to be the same.

It wasn’t until 10th grade when the fear started to vanish. 10th in India is a big deal. Students go through their Board Exams, which basically decides the path for the college. A high percentage gets one into science classes and a lower translates to commerce classes. Why, I have no clue. They both are equally challenging. But anyways, he declared, that I am not allowed any external tutors, for he is going to tutor me. Imagine my plight. I mustered up the courage to tell him, that no matter how silly my mistake, he will not get angry. I made him promise me. Sort of like a pinkie swear my son makes me do now. He agreed. And so started phase 2 of bonding with my father.

Life moved on, after X came XII and then college. It all went off well. I know he cried at my graduation in engineering. Then came the job part. Working for others somehow never gelled with me. I tried it back then too and did not like it. One day seeing me watching T.V at 10.00am in the morning, he just said “Why don’t you come work for me instead of watching this silly movie.” I was 21 then. And yes, in India its not a taboo to be living with your parents at that age, in fact in 1992 it was a taboo if you didn’t.

Traditionally in India daughters leave their parents home only when they get married.

I said okay and started working for him. And this began phase 3 of my relationship with my dad. A more matured relationship. This phase taught me about the working world. It taught me about organizing, planning, taking decisions, people skills, working on a computer and most importantly it taught me how to be an adult. This phase eliminated all fear and anxiousness. What was left was only respect, admiration and love. It was during this phase I learnt the difference between hearing and listening, it was here that he taught me the difference between looking and seeing, it was here that he taught me all that I know.

Time doesn’t stop for anyone, and thankfully so. It did not stop for me too… I got married, moved to U.S without a tear in my eye. That was a promise I had made to myself, I will not leave my parents home with tears, but a smile. It was a year later when I went back home and in one of the lighter conversations told how surprised I was that he did not cry during the marriage. It was then that he told me that after he had dropped off the last guest at the railway station, he found a bench and cried all he wanted. That night I cried too.

Today the relationship that started from a sense of wonderment has evolved into a fatherly friendship. The girl who was scared to talk to her dad, today can talk to him about her pregnancy stories, parenting issues, and time value of money with equal ease. She has grown up and so has he.

Today she knows that while dads are tough and strong they are also very soft and gentle, and I think they both agree that “daughters bring out the softer side of dads.”

Happy Fathers Day Papa !

Summer Vacations.

Summer vacations, the time for kids to relax, unwind and do nothing. U think so?

Growing up in the land that has cradled many a civilizations, schooling in India was very different. At the end of final exams, we were promoted to the next grade and spent about a month in the new grade. This is sort of the prep time, where in the teachers warm up the students for the new challenges. The fact that the 5th grade math teacher is the same as the 6th grade math teacher also helps. Unlike US, the teachers are subject specific. The students don’t rotate with their bag and baggage, they sit in one class, and the teachers move from one room to the other. Makes sense right, instead of moving the whole school every 30-40 minutes, move a few teachers. Less chaotic and less time lost. Coming back, after the prep time, we had about 6 weeks of summer vacation and then back to work. If we were lucky we would have no work, but in most cases, there was always a project or two to keep the grey cells alive.

We all remember the “doing almost nothing” during summer vacations. Growing up, summer break was a time when it was okay to wake up late, take late showers and eat breakfast at lunch time. Today while parents are scrambling to find a cost effective, safe, educationally stimulating and yet fun summer camp, kids on the other hand are hoping that they won’t have to go anywhere and would have the freedom to chill (that’s the word in my home.)

There is no shortage today of media information constantly reminding parents how much learning is lost during the summer months and thus the need of summer camps that harp and advertise on how important it is to keep learning and not take a break. Is that really vacation and has it always been like that in the U.S?

Honestly, I don’t know. I did Google around, didn’t find anything very convincing, though there is enough argument that it could be because in the rural areas, families needed help with farming so the long break and in the urban America, the cities were hot and humid (remember there were no air-conditioned schools then) so it was more of a public health and safety concern that prompted the long breaks. And there is enough argument out there as to what is true and what is not. Regardless of the reasoning, the fact remains, summer vacations are just way too long in the U.S.

Most countries don’t have such long vacations. Which is better, long summer breaks or shorter ones? Its a topic worth debating and maybe its about time that the U.S education authorities pay attention to this too.

The U.S education system is due for a major disruption. The disruption has started at the higher education with universities such as UDEMY bringing a paradigm shift to gaining work specific knowledge. With all states adopting the Common Core in the 2013-2014 school year, the process of change has started. I have researched this quite a bit, read quite a few blogposts on the subject and if implemented correctly, I do think it can bring positive results. During this research, I got the feeling it’s being modeled to give the U.S students more hands on skills and work related readiness so they can compete with the global world, which at this point is synonymous with the Asian continent. This is where I differ in opinion. It’s okay to model after a successful system, but then the teachers need to have the same freedom and resources, the school system needs to be very similar and so does the duration of the school.

The question that baffles me when schools, teachers and all realize that kids forget quite a bit during summer, then why is it so long? In the U.S teachers spend the fall session recapping concepts studied in the previous grade and come December-January, its a ramp up and boom, the school is over in June. A typical school year is only 180 days. So next time, some thing is not working in school, remember its less than half the year, it will be over before you know it.

The change is not coming anytime soon, so in all honesty, I am guilty of researching quite a bit on how will I keep the kids busy during summer. I have been told very strictly by an 11 year old, that no full day camps. Managed to convince him to go for an hour for 2 weeks to learn PPT, but beyond that what do I do?

My older one starts 6th grade in the new school year and the younger one enters the world of schools, so the goal is to let them do what they choose to. But the compulsive planner in me did come up with some plans, just to keep my sanity alive. Here is a list of some things I have in mind. Let’s see if we do any of those or just end up with the Kindle in a corner 🙂

Found this Babbaco Box via another blog Another Jennifer, which by the way is a great blog to follow.
If you have a dinosaur lover at home, Museum of Paleontology at Berkeley is a great place. The campus is beautiful too. Visit the Museum, explore the campus and don’t forget to visit Viks for some great Indian food. Berkeley has some great parks too. Make a day trip out of it.
If they have to go digital, give them something that is meaningful, Common Sense Media has a list of some great apps and reviews on what is appropriate and not.
Check your local movie theatre, they usually have summer movies for a fraction of the cost. Hey, ok I agree, they are not new movies, but some of those oldies and worth a second and third look too, and if you can do it for less money, why not? 🙂
Parent Further, this seems like an interesting website with some good tips on how to get the learning in summer going, without making it look like learning. In all honesty, I haven’t browsed much on this site, but the little that I did, it seemed promising.
Let your child go to Pinterest, with one condition, the search words are “fun summer project” and let them choose what they want to make. As long as it is within reason, if they have to buy a thing or two, let them. The joy of creating something just for fun can be experienced in summer only.
Its a great time to teach them help around the home. Sometimes an small incentive helps too.
Explore the neighborhood. the backyard Alphabet treasure hunt is a great game for little ones as you go on walks.
If there are no parks near by, don’t forget your school. Public schools are open (at least ours is) to public during summer. The kids are always playing and kicking the ball around in our school. Personally, I like it better than the park, more contained, they usually end up meeting a friend, burn their energy and time flies by fast.
Bay Area kid fun is a great website. It’s listing is very comprehensive to search around.

And remember its okay if your child wants to lie down on the couch hanging upside down and stare at the ceiling. If you don’t understand the joy, try doing it yourself and if you choose not to, let him/her do it. You never know a brilliant idea might sprocket from the air.

I’ll let you know in September, how much of this we actually achieved. But I do know one thing, every morning is going to be a pancake morning or a french toast morning. Every lunch will be “Uhh… can we have something else,” and every nite will be “so can I sleep at 12.00 today?”

Have fun this summer everyone. Who knows, with all the changes coming, soon this insanely long summer vacation might be replaced by globally popular six week break and then Yes, I know we will all miss this time.

Every summer has a story, write yours this summer.

Juggling the Quotients.

This is a note from yesteryears, but lately have been thinking a lot about intuition, intelligence, happiness and does this all connect or is it random.

The question is “What is more important EQ or IQ?” Before I comment on this.. lets go down to the basics.

What is intelligence? Traditionally we have definied intelligence (or IQ) as our capability to solve problems mentally. It includes capability to think, comprehend ideas and language. So imbedded is IQ in our system that across the world we have chosen to design the entire education system around this concept of having a good IQ.

Current education system, which is desperately calling for a major disruption, leads us to believe that if we can solve mathematical problems, remember our facts and read at lightning speed then we are intelligent. Majority of the population is born with a basic level of intelligent needed to succeed in life. There was and has been only one Einstein and Newton. All of us cannot be geniuses. So where does that lead the rest of us .. on the path to success or failure?

Success I say! IQ alone can take you nowhere. A person with high IQ can end up with a killer resume and a very comfy job and that’s about it. How many of you know someone who is a brilliant jerk? Yes, being intelligent is not enough.

Mother nature is great.. she has blessed us all with the basic level of IQ needed to succeed in life. She is also very good in creating a balance. A high IQ does not necessarily mean a high EQ.

When I was in college, my dad gave me “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman. And in a subconcsious way that book has stayed with me. I am not saying that I have a very high EQ.. but that book did teach me to listen and empathize to some extent. EQ or emotional quotient makes us aware of our feelings and that of others. It teaches us to empathize and encourages us to respond to happyness and sadness in a rational way without hurting others. In today’s world, that’s a very difficult task. Another interesting fact that I learned from the book was that IQ is a subset of EQ and not the other way around.

Think about it.. when we are sad, grumpy or angry.. does any task get completed. No, not even the simplest tasks get done. It is only when we get a grasp on our emotions does our “thinking” come back.

So having a high IQ with minimal EQ does nothing.
There is a third component, well at least in my mind; it’s SQ, the spiritual quotient. Some argue it’s the easiest to acquire as it can be practiced at home or just about anywhere. I once again disagree. It all depends on how u define spirituality. Spirituality to me is not about going to a temple or church everyday. Its about believing in the good of life. Its about positive thinking. Its about looking beyond the profit loss equations and thinking more holistically. In a sense both EQ and IQ are a subset of SQ. Spiritual quotient is what allows us to move on when the going gets bad. It is the presence of this Q that allows us to pick up the scattered pieces and put the puzzle of life together. ( For those of you who like different but good movies Jim Carrey’s movie “Yes Man” delivers the concept of positive thinking in a very interesting subtle way)

The good news is SQ and EQ can be acquired very easily. You are not a slave of your personality or atttitude and with the right approach they both can be changed for the better. I am saying this from personal experience. What path you choose to improve it will be your decision. It will be different for all of us. For me it was the realization that I have to stay healthy and strong for my kids for a very long time to come. Being 40+ is no excuse for being tired, impatient, grumpy not running and jumping with them. How did it happen for me? Interestingly it is getting out and moving that makes it happen for me. I don’t battle the weight any more, (thats a whole different topic :-)) but it did make me feel happier and more sound emotionally. Its intersting how trying to improve my physical health actually improved my emotional being.

What about IQ? IQ unfortunately cannot be acquired that easily. It can only be acquired if one makes his passion his profession. If that is not the case, improving upon the IQ factor is a lot harder than SQ and EQ.

The question was which Q will be important in the new decade? The answer is obviously all three, but i SQ, EQ will have the upper hand for what succeeds is the individual and not the intelligence.

Ciao everyone and as always thankyou for taking the time to read this. Keep your comments flowing and the converstation going. Its what keeps the grey cells active 🙂

Unbreakable or Breakable?

It feels so good to be back. I have missed this space. Last two weeks were a smack in the face by Mother Nature asking me to mellow down. Ironically, Mother’s day weekend was when it all started, the migraines, the nausea, the body ache, the fever and the complete melt down that sent me on a roller coaster ride wondering what was wrong me me and why? “Why was it happening to me?” is a question I asked my self repeatedly. I ate healthy, I exercised daily, I was doing and feeling great, when suddenly the head starts splitting and all I wanted to do was crash on the bed and be left alone. Thankfully, my family stepped up and did leave me alone for a good one week. That’s how long it took me to come out of the forced shut down. Some where in between, did manage to go to the doctor and get the battery of blood tests and CT scan done, only to be relieved and told, I am fit as a fiddle. Doctors and family alike told me to forget it as a fluke incident and continue the rest and gradually ease myself back to normal schedule.

Forget it, is what I am now trying to do, but the episode was powerful enough to instill a partial fear of unknown.

It also made me realize how unbreakable and yet fragile the human body is. Why? I ask again. We are the supreme animal form, centuries of evolution made us what we are today and yet we have so many unanswered questions. I sort of felt sorry for the poor doctor when I went to visit. The guy genuinely wanted to help, but had no answers except telling me the couple of things that could be going on. With the process of elimination, they erased of all the big issues and were left with either a bad case of migraines or tension headaches. I accepted both as they were the least scariest options. I came back home, thanking god for giving me a warning and letting me go.

Made in Sun Pharmaceuticals Ind. Ltd.
Their office is less than 20 mins
away from where I live
Baroda came to me.

In my valentines post Love, its logically illogical, I wrote “Love is beautiful feeling that starts with the conception of a living being.” And today as I connect the dots, I realize a life that begins with such a delicately strong emotion has to be the same, isn’t it?

In time of distress to move on, I need signs. Signs that tell me it will all be okay. Last week, when I was at the doctors, I remember telling myself, How I wish I was in Baroda ( my hometown in India.) Few days later when I got my senses back, I looked at the meds I was taking and see what I found 🙂

I couldn’t go to Baroda, but Baroda came to me. I knew then, I was going to be okay.

Humans, especially the breed we call MOMS, have a tendency to think of themselves as super humans. In the process, we forget that we are humans first. The human body is by far the most intelligent machine. It takes abuse and yet is resilient like no other. How many of us actually think that the food we eat needs to feed the mighty mitochondria – the power house of every cell. I know I don’t.

The dichotomy between the mind and body is an interesting one. Logically one would think they dance the tango in perfect harmony, though that is very rarely the case. The mind is like an agile ballet dancer, jumping and twirling weightlessly at the slightest joy, while the body often lags behind cautiously watching every jump and twirl making sure it doesn’t twist a muscle in its effort to try and follow the moves.

It is this dichotomy that is surprising me today. My mind is bored as I respectfully follow my families wishes to take it slow and ease myself into it. My body though is a different thing, it is quite content living this slow paced life and not lifting a finger.

I guess that’s where meditation comes in, it somehow bridges this gap between the soulful mind and the mechanical body and makes the two dance in harmony. The human body agree or not is nothing but a machine. It is the mind that puts the soul in it. And this machine like any other one is breakable and needs its regular maintenance.

Many of you have seen the slide show Life is a cup of coffee on the social media. Its been circulating for a while. And while we all know its true we continue to eye the cup and forget about the coffee.

We think good food, exercise and good hydration is the key to good health. And it is but there is a fourth component, shutting the eye. In our zest to get the prettiest cup, we forget we have only 24 hours in a day. And the best part is, no matter who you are of where you are, that is a constant for all us, a day has only 24 hours and there is only so much one can achieve. We often take on more than we can handle, and sacrifice our sleep to make it happen. We punish ourselves if we don’t achieve our targets, feel guilty about it, try even harder and before we know it we are trapped in this cycle that does not want to end.

I learned my lesson last week; enjoy the coffee, even if it is served in a paper cup. Its the coffee I want, not the cup.

I now schedule my 8 hours of sleep before I pen anything else down in my calendar. I now follow the age old adage “early to bed, early to rise” and don’t make compromises for anyone, for I now understand the mechanical part of me.

I am wiser and smarter, and I now know that in addition to the spiritual and soulful me, there is a mechanical me too and yes that’s breakable.

And now I want a cuppa coffee and see Unbreakable, by M. Night Shyamalan starring Bruce Willis. Anyone joining me ?

Happy Mother’s Day!

Today’s post just like the title is short, simple and sweet. It’s a simple tribute to the moms of the world and of course mine too

Becoming a mom is an interesting experience. When the tiny bundle of joy is handed to the mom, it is the most amazing and overwhelming feeling. To think that an entire human being was living and thriving within her in some ways is also a very powerful feeling. It is the power to nurture. This is one aspect of life, that men will never know.

Who is a mother? I’ll let you decide.

To me, I have always seen my mother stand tall as a pillar. She was the one who watched me as a hawk and yet never told me that she was watching. Growing up I argued with her, I screamed and we fought and I never understood why she was so possessive and adamant about not letting me wear too much make up, i.e until 4 years ago when I had my own daughter. And then those answers suddenly became obvious.

It is true we don’t understand what are parents went through until we have our own.

Mom, today too is one who wears a velvet glove over an iron hand. I am thankful for the fact that at a very young age she told me, “The one thing every woman should know is how to cook.” And yes, I was only in 5th grade when I started cooking. I am thankful for the fact that she still thinks its okay to scold me when I behave illogically or when I am being unfair to her grandkids. I am thankful for the fact that she is keeping up with times and is able to talk and relate to her grandkids and most importantly I am thankful she has a Facebook account .. LOL! I love the fact that she enjoys Facebooking, not because I am a FB junkie, but more so because to me that is a symbol of an alert and young mother. She puts me to shame when she solves those sudoku puzzles faster than me. And yes, she remembers the nuances of English grammar and can calculate percentages better and faster than me, so I am really thankful when she takes care of checking homework during her short stays in the US.

To make a long story short, I am thankful for you being you!

But wait, there is another mom in my wife. What we all call the Mother-in-law. My MIL and mom are bang opposites, with one thing common, they both are strong willed woman. My relationship with my MIL started like all most daughter in laws, there was respect and slowly over years with some arguments, and discussions, the respects gradually turned into a mutual understanding and today after 15 years, yes I can talk to her like I talk to my mom.

MIL has lived for her kids. Her life today too revolves around her kids. She selflessly raised her two kids and today stands tall with pride as she sees them thrive in their respective homes. She too, puts me to shame 🙂 for she can devour a WSJ better than an investment banker. Technically she does not have a formal education and yet she can converse on any topic and very often will not only discuss, she also remembers the statistics and the numbers accompanying the topic. Its honestly very impressive and a great feeling to see her read the WSJ. She appreciates the paintings I make and enjoys the food I cook. What more can I ask for? Its about the little joys in life.

With two strong women in my life who have lived their lives for their families but on their own terms, there is little room for me to falter.

Today on mother’s day, I thank god for sending these two wonderful women in my life.

They are truly the Women of Substance!

Sweet Surprise!

I usually don’t post on Friday’s, but today was just special. It was a great morning, a girl friend pulled me in to go shopping with her and find that perfectly handsome dinosaur t-shirt for a little T-Rex. We did find that and of course many more goodies.

But the highlight of today that made my day and many days ahead was meeting my kids’ 3rd grade teacher. She is retired now. Her year with my son was the last in the school. We had stopped at Panera Bread for a quick bite and there she was having lunch with a friend. I of course had to stop and say hello. And she was thrilled and instantly had so many questions about my kid. And then she said something that I will hold special forever in my heart.

She said, “My husband and I were talking, and we are coming for his 6th grade graduation.” I am a big girl, so I don’t cry, but that did bring tears that were held back and of course I was instantly standing taller.

How do you thank a teacher who loves your kid so much, that two years after retirement still talks about him? How do you thank a teacher who has your kids picture on her refrigerator? I honestly don’t know how. Its priceless when your child has been influenced by so many wonderful people.

My post yesterday got a mixed bag of reactions, and I think most people missed the point. Its a note to self, to not write a very long post, keep it short and sweet, so the message of “nurturing the child and working with their personality and not peer pressures” is passed along.

Today was honestly a packed day filled with errands. The surprise meet today has brought back energy in me.

When a past teacher remembers your child so fondly and lovingly, the feeling is just priceless.

Exams, the GATE to success?

Its almost STAR testing week in our schools here. 6 years ago, when my older one started his kinder, I started my journey of volunteering and understanding the US education system. Before I go further, I do have to warn you that my stance on most cases makes me the black sheep in the Indian community. I am one of those parents who don’t ask for homework. I am one of those parents who does not believe in tuitions simply because its elementary school not MIT. And then there are parents who say that to go to MIT, one needs tuitions and I respectfully agree to disagree with them.

Is my child a straight A student, no he’s not. Does that bother me? The first time he got a C, yes I was bothered and then I reminded myself that I flunked a subject or more in the first year of engineering college. And that was a shock not only to me but my friends too, because I was a straight A student from Kinder to 12th. Nothing less than an A, ever. So coming home that day, I was scared and had no idea on how to break the news to my parents. It was one of those rare afternoons that my dad decided to come home for lunch. I quietly decide to help my mom in the kitchen and broke the news, she continued to roll the chapati and asked me to serve the food on the table. Later, she helped me tell dad. I appreciate the fact that my parents did not loose it, they kept their calm and said, what’s done is done? You decide how you want to fix this and make sure you fix it. I graduated with a gold medal in Environmental Engineering. Not trying to blow my own trumpet here but get the point across that life prepares us for it all. This experience helped me not get upset about low grades. Even to date when he is going through a lack of confidence phase I remind him of his mom every time. More importantly, I remind him that just because I got A’s does not mean I am very intelligent or an out of the box thinker.

I did ask him n 4th grade, Would you like to be a straight A student? His answer and for the most part I quote “Mom, I am in the middle of the class. I am not the smartest and not the dumbest. Some times I get okay grades, but mostly they are good. So I think I will do fine in life. I don’t have to get an A everytime.” Once again, he had stumped me, I didn’t know what to say.

Honestly, even though I got all A’s in school, I don’t think I was super smart, but I was a good crammer :). Getting A’s in school is the easiest thing to do. If every child can just cram what is written in the textbooks and spit it out, they will get A’s. What’s hard is to not cram and then convey the message so accurately that it seems like you crammed it. Textbook answers are expected for the most part. Every once in a while the student comes across a teacher who is there because she loves her students and is willing to re-read an answer to understand that unique perspective which is different from what the text book says.

And then we have that whole question of how do you evaluate that unique perspective?.

In India, we all learn the same thing and if a student cannot keep up with the curriculum they fail and if they are way ahead of their class, they get bored. There are’nt too many options. But in the US this difference in learning is treated interestingly. There is something called GATE student in our school district. It is the Gifted and Talented Student. How do they decide this, by a 3 hour exam in 3rd grade. 3rd grade is lower elementary. There are no grades and exams are not stress induced. The philosophy in 3rd grade is do your best. It’s okay, you’ll do great. The student in 3rd has no clue what GATE is and what implications it has on his long term schooling career and yet they are asked to sit through the exam. There is the option to opt your child out, but then which parent would prevent their child from being identified as gifted and talented. One such unique parent is me. I opted him out. I know he is gifted and I also know that he is 8 years old who only does something when he understands the logic and importance of the task. That’s just him. To ask him to sit through that exam would be setting him up for failure. Today, if he has to sit through that exam, I am more confident of him succeeding, because he now knows why he is giving that exam. He knows that if he clears it, he gets advanced classes in middle school. But he lost that option when he forced himself to go in 4th grade. He wanted to be with the GATE students, because they are “smarter” than the rest of the group. And we knew he wasn’t ready because he was doing it for the wrong reasons, but as parents we gave him the choice to make a decision.

I am by no means trying to undermine the importance of this program. I genuinely feel that it is a great program for those kids who are truly “out of the box” thinkers and not crammers. Because I think some kids are and they do get bored in a routine class. Even though the intent of the system is right I think the execution of it, has made it a joke. Why I don’t say anything in the school, because I have been told since my son is Non_Gate I take this stance. What can I say, I love the Indian approach to life 🙂

Today we live in a society that measures everything quantitatively. There is this intense need to quantify everything. There are efforts being make to quantify even happiness. Extend the quantificaiton to school level and we have grades, the intelligence of child is measured based on one exam. The student may be unwell that day or maybe a life changing event at home has the kid disturbed, but he/she still has to give the exam and do well or else he fails.

There is something intrinsically flawed with this system. The education industry NEEDS a major disruption.

Disruption because gone is the era when students went to the library and poured over text books. This generation has so many tools at their hands, that they need the freedom to not only express in their own unique way but also learn in their way, and that is the student pain point. The freedom to learn in a way that works for the kid is missing.

When we have exams we have a whole group that excels, a group that is average and a group that struggles. Very little emphasis is given to the group that struggles. Its always about those who succeed. And that’s just wrong. Because from these strugglers will emerge a few who didn’t understand the logic of algebraic equations, but are in awe of the brilliance of a Mozart or Picasso. It is these who can look at something so ordinary as a sunflower and make it into a masterpiece. I was very happy to recently learn that our school principal is bringing the Rembrandt program to our school. I know it will be an outlet for many budding artists.

The STAR testing week starts on May 9th and I am sure all parents including myself will be on high stress mode. What amazes me is that during exam time, its not the child that is stressed out, its we the parents. We, including myself have a zillion questions on the how, why and what of the exam. I do it all the time, and its only after I have asked the question I realize the kid is probably tired and beat, the exam is over, lets just leave it that. Why do we as parents do this? Don’t know about you, but I think I do it, because it is the one thing that I cannot help him with. I can check his homework, read his essays, give ideas for his projects and even do a mock edit of his writing efforts, but I cannot give his exams. It’s that feeling of helplessness, its that feeling of lack of control that translates to the zillion questions, which put my mind to ease, but probably further stress the mind of my child.

This STAR testing week I make a promise to myself to tell my son exactly what my dad told me in the final year of engineering exams and as a matter of fact tells me even today “Just do your best and leave the rest.”

Lean Upon, ‘Lean In’ !

So here we are, women united as one. From Eve to the woman of 21st century, we have wandered, gathered food, fed our families, fought for it from Roe vs.Wade to our right for equal pay. Today almost a century and half later since the Syracuse convention, as we bask in our respective glories of achieving the lives we love and dreamed about, there comes a huge thunderbolt. A book that tells us we forgot to ‘Lean In’ and it creates a rift between us sisters. Sisters who have for centuries thought of each other as one.

I am joining the ‘Lean In’ discussion very late, I know. The media buzz is fading out and yet, here I am, a laggard just joining the discussion. I am going to take a few steps back. I downloaded the book “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg on March 11, 2013. It’s the day it was released. What took me so long? Well to be quite honest, I had to read it twice, before I was confident enough to write this post.

Read it twice! I know its odd. Well here’s why? The first time I read this book, it left me feeling angry, frustated and annoyed. It made me feel that everything I had done so far in my life was wrong. It made me feel that if I had been just a little more adamant, maybe just maybe I too could have continued to have a career and a family like all my friends. And this was within the first 20% of the book. I wasn’t enjoying, so I just stopped reading it.

I was confused. I know what I was reading, but logically or emotionally it didn’t make any sense at all. How can a woman icon; Sheryl Sandberg write a book that generates such strong feelings of self doubt. This book was supposed to be about empowering women, I said to myself. It just didn’t add up. So I decided to let it sit and not read it any further.

Then, ironically Facebook came to the rescue. A women’s group decides to read Lean In as part of their book club initiative. I pick it up again, this time instead of continuing where I left off, I start from the beginning, and try very hard to not think about what the media said or what I read in its reviews. I try very hard to not take every word in the literal sense but rather apply it to my situation and see if the logic works. And interestingly it does.

This post is not about critiquing the book or analyzing it in anyway. The merit of the book is given. It’s amazingly written and speaks to every women irrespective of geographical boundaries. Instead, this post is about what I am taking home after reading the book.

Lean In has interestingly allowed me and other women alike, to Lean Upon Sheryl Sandberg, and I say this metaphorically. It has allowed women across the globe to lean upon her experience, her insight, her familiarity to the subject, her exposure to the corporate world, her understanding of the problem and above all her maturity of accepting that we are all alike and yet different. Sheryl Sandberg has allowed us to lean upon all this and take in her worldliness and apply it to ourselves.

What do you think, this is leaning on ? 🙂

As I lean upon , ‘Lean In’, I realize, that it’s okay for me to not want a high profile career like my fellow friends. I realize that its okay for me to continue being adamant about saying NO to job offers that do not allow me to leave at 2.00pm and pick up my kids from school and more importantly I realize that it’s okay for me to be a mom first and everything else, there after.

Happiness has an academic definition, but I am yet to find a definition that fits us all. Happiness is relative.

The book in some ways tells us to focus our energies on the internal locust and not on external locusts. It tells us too not worry about the world around us, because guess what the world doesn’t care.

At the first read, my interpretation of the text was that every women needs to be an executive striving for success and if she doesn’t, she is short selling herself. Second read, I read it differently. It does not say that. The book simply asks us to identify our aspirations irrespective of the conventions around us. It could be interviewing for that dream job or the vice versa leaving corporate world and doing something for yourself. Either way, it tells us women to find what makes us happy and go for it.

This is important because what makes us happy changes as we move along in life. As a 20 something, I wanted to own the world and then came along my son and I didn’t care about the world as much. Maybe it was hormonal, maybe it was his smile, maybe it was my wish to be there for all his firsts. Today, when I have a little bit of “me” back; the concept of “myself” is coming back in the happiness equation. I am sure as I grow up, my equation will change again.

To find your happiness quotient, lean in to your network. It does not matter if you are a high profile corporate executive or a newly wed, we all have a network. Sometimes its just a matter of asking. As a SAHM when reading this book, I thought to myself, where in the world will I find such a network? Interestingly, when I started talking, I found quite a few who were willing to talk and give advise and that’s really what it is.

It’s my job to reach out and go for my dream, but if I can find a few who are willing to point me in the right direction, it makes the journey shorter and allows me to enjoy the success faster.

How the book will change corporate America is yet to be seen. It has however succeeded in waking us up from the complacent stage that we were all in. It might even add a new measure of success that goes beyond the profitability of a company.

As I come to the end of this post, I thank Sheryl Sandberg for allowing the women of the world to lean upon her know-how and apply it to their unique situation.

To me this quote sums it up beautifully:

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” – Nora Ephron