We are officially half way done with summer and some of us are desperately waiting for schools to reopen while some of us (like myself) wishes the vacations continue for ever. Why can’t we just have a year round school.. study for one unit, take a break and then go back. So much better, don’t you think. As adults, don’t we feel like taking a break every 2-3 months, then why deprive the kids of that luxury. Anyways, I know most of you are rolling your eyes and wondering what planet I come from. Well, it’s the same as yours, Earth, I just don’t like the constant drilling mode we are in.
Why is summer a bummer and a stress factor for so many parents? Why do parents worry about their kids getting bored? Seriously, since when has a bored mind become a bad thing. Mind is a machine and like every other machine it needs its downtime too.
Okay, before you say anything, I do realize that I work from my home office and my kids have the luxury, but so do yours. Honestly, they do. I tried giving this idea to a few moms this year and they looked at me like I was Dorothy making a wish. Here’s a possible solution – your kids have friends – some very nice, some okay. Meet up with their parents and form a group, 5-6 families and have the group of kids go to the respective homes turn by turn. You get your kids only once a week and yet they are out of your way without any major expense or structure. Again, I know this solution does not work for everyone, but it’s a worth a try, isn’t it? Infact, I wouldn’t mind doing it with my kids too. I tried selling it, but it did not fly with many. I wondered why? I am still wondering why? If you have insights, please do share them.
Overtime my kids complaint of how boring it is, I tell them it’s okay to get bored.It’s perfectly okay to hang upside down on the couch and stare at the ceiling. They are getting bored, not tortured. Their bellies are full, have clean clothes and not a worry in the world.. that’s a lot to be happy about. Over time, the frequency of “I am getting bored” has gone down – they find their thing now. When they can’t find anything better to do, they both end up in the backyard.. sometimes screaming at each other, sometimes playing with each other. At first, every time they screamed, I ran outside to calm them down because I didn’t want the neighbors thinking I have unruly kids. Now, I don’t. In my heart I know what the neighbors are thinking – this mom has no control or she does not care. Quite honestly, I am keeping an eye on my kids, but I have realized one thing, the over parenting I have done in the past years back fired on me. The kids today take life as an entitlement and I have a problem with that. Life is a gift and its a privilege to have clean running water, the kids need to understand that, but they don’t. It is important for these kids to fall, hurt a knee or two, be in pain so they realize the joy of not being in pain. It’s not easy, especially in today’s times when we judge each other with a magnifying glass. Why? As parents, aren’t we all in the same boat, so why do we judge? Why do we credit the success or failure of the child to the parent? Is it the parent who got the honor roll or is it the parent who went to summer school? Neither and yet we judge.
This summer, I realized another thing, as parents we take way too much credit for the success of our kids and we blame ourselves way too much for their failure too. If a parent watches their kids like a hawk, that’s okay – we all have our fears and our reasons are our own. The smart parent though will watch and speak only when needed.
Just as a clarification – it took me two years to get here. Two years ago, I was the helicopter parent and I sadly thought hovering was ok.
It is important for these kids to have nothing to do. It is important to get bored, because that’s when they will be forced to open those long lost tubs of goodies and make things happen. When they create their own play, summer will suddenly be magical. Human beings are creators and inventors. If you Google the history, the most brilliant ideas came from a lazy activity. What do you think Newton was doing under an apple tree? I am pretty sure he was lazing around.
I am not undermining the efforts or the kids who do strive to succeed and like to stay busy all day and want something to do. The point is if they can come up with ideas, give them the tools to make those ideas a reality, but don’t think of the ideas for them. In my house today, there are only three ideas, electronics, tennis and hoola hoops and somewhere in between tons of food. Quite honestly, thats okay with me.
I let my kids run wild in summer. Most parents will disagree with my strategy, and quite honestly, I don’t know if I am right or wrong. Time will tell. What I do know is I want my kids to enjoy being home and in turn enjoying being with me and that’s all that matters. I continue to try hard and not worry about what classes my middle schooler will get or who will be my daughter’s teacher.
I am hoping that this freedom to get bored and find a way to snap out of the boredom will also teach them to take what life gives them and make the best of it.
Have fun this summer with your kids. They are going to be in your nest for only 18 years before they fly away to build their own nest. Give them memories that will make them come back often.
If you are bored of reading this, too bad, because I had a blast writing this 🙂
