14 years ago, nurse Paula handed him to me, and said “Enjoy him, you have him only for 18 years, make the best of it.” It was the best advise a new mother could have got. The first night home was exhausting. It was tiring and nothing like the books said it would be. The crying, the feeding, the pumping, me feeling like a sleepless cow, and then I decided to break all the rules and allowed him to sleep with me. He slept like a baby. Cuddled on my arm, I was afraid to move. I slept still and looked at his calm angelic face and it was all worth it. Time flew and before I knew it, he’s 14.
I have to admit, between the struggle for nutrition, laundry, which preschool, teaching ABCs, learning about dinosaurs, freaking out on academics like a typical Indian mom, Tae Kwon Do lessons, and life, he grew up. It was that one fateful night, when he slept like a baby and woke up like a young man. His legs grew taller, his features were sharp and his gait was strong. The 2 year toddler who sat outside the swimming pool for 3 hours before he allowed his feet to touch the water, now wanted to climb mountains and go sky diving.
It’s almost as if a switch inside him flipped. The scientific minded call it puberty. I call it a switch, because that’s what it is. It’s a switch that starts feeding the mind with a new stream of hormones and then the chaos starts. The poor brain like the clueless parent does not know what to do with those hormones and the sweet child becomes a teen. The world says “parents raise their kids.” For me, it goes the other way round, my son raised me. Through his feisty fights, he taught me to back off, he taught me that it is his life and so the mistakes are his too. He asked me. “Mom, did you ever get detention or were you ever benched in school. Did you ever break any rule” I said “No.” He said, “no offense, but I think you had a pretty boring childhood.” He taught me that taking risks is an important part of growing up. He reminded me that when he fell from his bike and fractured his wrist, I encouraged him to get back on that bike, so why am I now so afraid of him making mistakes.
Today he is fourteen and I am so PROUD of him.
Today he is not afraid to walk the path less trodden.
Today he may not know all the answers, but is not afraid to say, I don’t know.
Today he makes his own decisions. When he is confused, he asks for advise and wonders what I would do if I was in his situation.
Today, I have learnt to tell him, I am not you. Listen to both your heart and mind and then choose. Either way it can’t be wrong.
Today, yes we still have our arguments, but both of us have learnt to listen a little better and I have finally understood that he is his own man. His dreams are his and not mine. His definition of success is his and not mine. His life is his and not mine. He wants his privacy, cooks for himself, wants to start a job so he can save money for his first car, he has his own joys, sorrows and fears too. He still hugs me, but sometimes he feels awkward and sometimes he falls on me looking for comfort and support.
It took me 14 long years to understand this but I now know my job going forward is to make him fiercely independent. It’s almost as if I need to make myself vanish. You read that right, If I can make myself obsolete, it will be a job well done because isn’t that the final destination of this journey called parenting.
Happy Birthday Kiddo! As you continue your journey towards manhood, always remember:
- That it was a woman who gave birth to you, she is dainty and mighty. Respect HER in every shape and size. For if you don’t, you will fail your mother.
- To be yourself. Everyone else is taken, so don’t waste your time being someone else.
- To save money. For every dollar you earn, save 20cents and spend the rest wisely.
- To see the beauty in this world. It is truly a beautiful world. Try to look past those dark spots into the wondrous horizons.
- To think for yourself. The world will always try to guide you. Listen to it carefully and then make your own choices. Don’t be afraid to be different. Remember Karma is real. Your choices are your Karma, so always think positive. The universe will then work with and for you to make all your aspirations come true.
- To sleep. It’s the best thing you can do for your body. There is enough science to support this.
- To ask questions, no matter how obvious the answer maybe to others. There is nothing like a dumb question.
- To make friends wherever you are. The returns on this investment will come in later, but start investing now.
- To not worry about the “should I? ”
Do things that you want to do and not what you think you should be doing because everyone is doing them. - To talk politely and respectfully. It does not matter who you are talking to, respect and politeness is not an option.
- To not let anyone push you around. You can always agree to disagree.
- To talk more and text less. I know your generatio talks with texts and emoticons, but we are humans. We are biologically designed to be social animals. So don’t underestimate the importance of actual verbal communication and when you do talk,
always remember to make an eye contact. - Eat healthy and always exercise. Don’t make the mistakes your mom made.
- Live YOUR life. Life is too short and a lot of fun. Make the best of it.Your family loves you more than you will ever know. May all your dreams and aspirations always come true.
