life – Shilpa's

ReWriting!

This blog is my sanity space and it has been incredibly hard to keep it going. Many factors played into this and I can blame it on many different things, but at the end of the day it was me. It was me that was processing a gamut of emotions that have been flowing through now for 2 years. Emotions that have me jumping with joy and then those that have me in tears and somewhere between the spectrum; life happened.

28th December, 2022 – we took flight and headed for a family vacation to Big Island, Hawaii – Pictoblog coming soon! – I loved the sound of the ocean, as a self taught artist, I know the magic of blue and all it does to our neurons, the warm touch of the sand relaxed the muscles.. my favorite being the sand shifting under my feet as the wave pulls away and yet there was something that made me very wary of the beach. The strength of water, the never ending depths of the ocean and the simple truth that the ocean is always changing was always pulling me away from my calm zone and then I had to remind myself to come back.

This oxymoron of a vacation was just what I needed to reflect through – I wrote on restaurant receipts to Post it notes.. I started unbundling my thoughts.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”
– Aristotle

1/1/2023 . I made the effort to wake up early – The solo early morning in the Lanai with the meditative sound of the ocean waves helped me unravel the truths and learnings of 2022.

Truth 1: Despite the ebb and flow of tears, the year 2022 has been a year filled with incredible blessings. End of 2019, I realized it was time for me to put some extra effort into my career part 2 – during this time and continuing, I envisioned myself in a role and in August 2022, that role manifested itself and it was Pronoia coming alive. I found a new job, went back to college and the classroom is my safe space. I work hard to ensure it is a safe space for my students too.

Learning 1: This manifestation proved it to me that Pronoia is real and we just have to keep believing.

Truth 2: Pre-Covid we wanted exclusivity, during Covid we needed inclusivity and post covid we want inclusive exclusivity. To Include or not to include is a phrase that i hear often both in my personal and professional world. In theory we all agree. In practice we all differ. In the personal space, to me a village that supports each other beyond their own selves is one that thrives and smiles. As a person, I am either all in a friendship or all out – the modern day as needed or as per the moment need friendship has never been my style. I can either live in a village or not live in it. To me, a village comes with the good, the bad and the ugly – if we choose to live in it, we choose to accept it all. That’s just who I am and I have tried hard in 2022 to change that, but couldn’t do it.

Learning 2: This is MY way of thinking. Doesn’t have to be everyone’s.
Like my husband says – there are Billion + people in the world, and there are Billion + opinions. I have learned that many people choose to visit a village, and only stay if it fits into their timeline – I am learning to adapt to this style.

Truth 3: Logic says people can share each other’s experiences and avoid making the same mistakes, life says – they need to make those mistakes before they can learn.

Learning 3: Say less.

Truth 4: Cooking, Art and Writing continue to be my meditative practices.

Truth 5: The mountain protects me and I can close my eyes. The ocean keeps me alert.

Learning 4: I need to continue doing these irrespective of it all – so experiment more in the kitchen, more art and more writing.

Learning 5: I am a mountain person, but the family loved the ocean. So yes to more ocean vacations.

2023 – I welcome you with open arms and the request to give me space to ReWrite and move forward with the learnings of 2022 – Pronoia is real, Say Less, Practice my meditation, The Village will evolve, and more ocean time for the family.

type writer with Hemmingway quote on Rewriting — Why ReWrite

… Another year over, and another has begun.

.….So this is November, what have you done? Another year over, and another has begun. A John Lennon classic adapted to myself keeps humming in my mind. It’s a sweet, gentle and yet such a powerful song reminding us of the minutes that just slipped by and here we are, right where we started.

Interestingly, the song fits into my life perfectly this year. 2019, It was just a normal year, and then in the blink of an eye, it reminded me of how fickle our lives are. Our ambitions, our dreams, our aspirations are all but a part of this magnum opus orchestrated by the Universe. We are nothing but a character in the masterpiece play of life.

This year has also been a test to my will power, resolve, strength and faith. In its own awkward way, it has shown me that the woman in the mirror can cry, but every morning she wakes up with nerves of steel and smiles through her day, trying her best to make a tiny positive difference in the world around her.

2019, you reminded me of the movie “The Ghost of Christmas Past” you took me through all the what if’s forced me to second guess yourself. In these moments of second guessing and seeing the ghosts of past, there were a few angels who held my hand and walked with me to show the bright future. These angels will always have my trust and friendship.

2019, you also reminded me of an old forgotten blogpost A friend; someone I can be silent with. I have been blessed with an amazing bouquet of friends that I cherish and yet 2019 was a poignant reminder of who I can call at mid-nite and who I cannot 🙂 When friends of decades closed their doors and friends of days opened them wide, I realized; friends sometimes, come in for a season only.

Friendships don’t end to those who we meet, they extend to our families too. We need to be true to them. Partnerships evolve and mature to go beyond the need of love to a need of companionship and acceptance. The entity needs love, respect, space to grow and most importantly it needs sacrifice. Sacrifice of self goals to fuel and nurture the other members in the family.

2019, you gave me a brutal reminder of what success means to me. I have always trusted my inner instincts. I live in a predominantly Indian community and there is no doubt that I am the black sheep in the Indian community here. I am the mom who says no homework is good, I am the mom who tells her son, if you have to cuss, please be on the field with your friends and no where near the classrooms or families. I am the mom who tells her daughter that her to be an artist is an excellent dream.

Defining success in our own terms allows us to see the impact at the individual level. We must be willing to see the differences we have made in our community, our careers, our workplace and acknowledge them. We as humans look for these big sweeping rewards for our efforts and thus making every effort worthy only if rewarded. This expectation of being rewarded creates a sense of unworthiness sometimes and is wrong at every level. We are being unfair to ourselves. Success is in our smiles, in our positive attitude, in our whistling, in our faith and in our belief of Pronoia.

2019, most importantly, you showed me I need to be creative. The act of creating kept me alive. The candles brought life back. The candles are not a business to me, they keep my soul alive. I also realized, the little changes we make, have this ripple effect that make a huge difference. The tiny act of changing the seasonal decor in my home, brought smiles one evening, reminding me who I am.

I was the little girl in the mirror, who always saw the world with a looking glass. Today, I am the woman in the mirror who knows there is no looking glass and yet to keep the magic and her smile she continues to believe she will find one.

The Alchemist found it, and so will I. Happy Birthday to Me!

Live like a Samosa.

It has been centuries and yet when I think of my ancestors, their travels and experiences fill me with positively glowing envy. My roots go back to the dawn of civilization on the Iranian plateau. No one in my family knows for sure, but they tell me that my ancestors we called Sanbosag, and the first ever mention of our literature came through the Persian historian Abolfazi Behyaqi in the 11th century. Travelling through the mountains of Central Asia, my ancestors came to the fertile plains and great rivers of India. They didn’t take this journey alone, some came with the Aryans, some travelled later with the Mughals and Mamluks to make the wonderful subcontinent of India, as you know it today. Royal beginnings is the only phrase that comes to mind;from the Moroccan traveller Ibn Batuta to the sufi poet Amir Khusro the praise of my ancestors has been sung with revered admiration.

We, are the Sambusak Family or as you know me today, The Samosa Family.

I am the trilateral, tetrahedral fried pastry. A bite of me is tongue seduction in its purest form celebrating the delicate mix of hot and spicy with the sweet tamarind tanginess I am your Samosa. I came from lands far away, travelled the deserts, climbed the Hindu Kush, fought with the armies and found my abode in India.

India has seen cultural influences from The Great Alexander to the British. Every invasion brought with it a new life style, new languages and a whole new cooking style. While my ancestors were made from minced meat, today my best friend is the humble potato. Did you know that India had no knowledge of this starchy tuber which brought about the cooking revolution in Indian cuisine until the Portuguese landed on the coast of Goa in 16th century. They called it The Batata or as we know it today The Potato.

I, the Samosa, have seen a thing or two and am here today to tell you today to stop stressing and Live like a Samosa. There are only 4 rules.

Be yourself. Don’t let anyone change you. Look at me, I crossed geographical boundaries; they tried hard, but I stayed true to my triangular awkwardness. The western world with all its craziness of healthy eating has tried transforming me, you can put a potato in anything, but you are not a Samosa until you are fried and triangular. Yes, stay true to yourself. They can bake you, they can stuff you with grassy vegetables, but don’t lose hope, the true you will take the crown every time. Try it next time, make me original and make me fake. Let the palette decide which is better.
Travel the world. It’s the experiences that make you who you are, nothing else. My life has been about travels, my exotic past did not stop me but only enriched me to understand the humility in India, and adopt to the street vendors and the palaces alike. Today, I am synonymous to India, I am sold in every street and every corner. I am a poor mans delicacy to a rich nawabs’ indulgence. The chef’s can mask me with minced meat and nuts and yet I stay true to my character. The glories of the palace do not enchant me, the condemnation of the streets do not scare me, for I have travelled on feet and on elephants. Travel, so you can live life.
Coexist with humility. India is food haven. The cultural invasions brought food influences from the Mughlai to the European and then the partition brought the Punjabi’s and their food habits. The Southern India has stayed true to its native roots and yet the southern delicacies of Sambhar and Chutney are a gift of Western India. I maybe the king of chaats and appetizers in India, but I am always in awe of the delicate crispiness of the Pani Puri, the tangy godliness of the Dahi Bhalla and let’s not forget the robust bold flavors of the Kachori. We all coexist with tolerance and humility. You too can coexist.There is no need to compete with your friends and the world. There is enough room for all of us to be stars of our own shows.
Be Adaptive. Yes, adapt to the times. Don’t be stuck in the past. If I, the descendant of the majestic Sanbusak family had not adapted to the humble streets of India, my family history would have ended. Instead I chose to keep my character, my structure intact and accepted the stuffing they gave me, end result, I am new and I am more popular than ever before. When need arises, I metamorph into a crude peasant dish, and when the occasion demands I arrive in style on porcelain. I am the syncretic global dish – I am fusion of all cultures, and I thrive.

Today, I am tailored to individual taste buds and maybe I am imagining it but I might just be the worlds first fast food. Not sure though, I do need to understand my history more, but the truth still remains, I am modified to suit the individual tastes.

Japani Samosa sold in Delhi. — Japani Samosa sold in Delhi with 60 layers of flour and potato fillings.

In Punjab, I am stuffed with Paneer, and in Delhi they serve me with chocolate and another calls it the Japani Samosa, beats me why, there is nothing Japanese about it, but it’s popular and the recipe is a secret. Some chefs try to steam me, but quite honestly, I dislike that very much. When you steam me, I become a dumpling, not a Samosa, so please in the name of tangy tamarind sweetness, please don’t steam me. While the North stays true to my roots and indulges me with potatoes, Southern India stays true to its own roots and nourishes me with cabbage, curry leaves and more. Hyderabad calls me Lukhmi and makes me remember my royal past again. The Eastern state of Bengal calls me the Shingara, Goa on the other hand, mimicing the Portugal Chamcuas, satiate me with pork, chicken or beef. The Arabs continue to carry my heritage forward and members of the Sambusak family continue to stay there. The Turkish on the other hand have morphed us to the Somsa Family, and In Africa they still call us the Sambusa Family.

I am the Samosa. Live like me.

Be humble, be proud, be genuine, be you, travel around and don’t be afraid of adapting to your new home because white, brown or yellow at the core we are all the same, we may feel different, but we are just adapting to our individual lives and experiences.

For more interesting takes on life from my looking glass, Like the page https://www.facebook.com/Imperfectlyperfectcreations/?ref=settings and feel free to share the post via www.shilpaverma.com

The Recess is Over – The Blog Lives

Those who know me, know that I like to reflect and reflect a lot. I strongly believe that we are a product of our own experiences and life gives us plenty of experiences. Life as perfect as it is, is very imperfect too. The imperfections are critical for change. When the imperfections go away, life will become stagnant, until then it is imperative that we enjoy life’s fallibility and learn from it. You don’t need an extra ordinary moment to learn. Our daily interaction with fellow humans, nature and ourselves is a learning experience every moment of the day.

45 years is a long time to be on this planet. I have always enjoyed adding a year to my age for it is a privilege denied to many. Today I am thankful that I woke up to see the love and blessings surrounding me. The past years have been rather interesting. They have tested my patience, my thinking and more importantly my belief in myself. I was one of those who lead a simple daily blessed life. No curve balls, no nothing.. life chugs along just fine, until one final year, life looks at you and says, “Ok, you have had too much good, it is time to throw in some bumps.” Try as hard as I did, I was beginning to lose until one final day, when the human core in me wakes up and says ‘Enough! Bring it on” and just like that, you turn on the will power switch and life backs off and I realized I am me and I am ok.

45 years old and sane on planet Earth. That is an achievement in itself 🙂

My top 5 lessons of 45 years on this planet:

1. Be Unfuckwithable: This is very important. You just have to be one, there is no other option.

2. Belive in Pronoia: It is true. There is power in belief. Believe and the universe will work with you.

3. Travel: In this daily mundane life, we (including me) almost always forget we the humans were designed to be wanderers. And here we are living a stagnant life behind a computer screen. Some of you might have read about my trip to Alaska what most of you don’t know is that this trip was a necessity to start breathing again. When life beats you down, the only way to get up is do something that you have never done before and Alaska was just that. A frontier unlike any other and staying true to it’s promise Alaska allowed me to breathe again. Travel because you want to see the wonderful natural creations, travel so you can be the pirate of your favorite childhood story book, travel so life does not escape you.

4. Relationships need more than love to survive: Love hurts, it’s true. Relationships need constant nurturing. Mother-child, husband-wife, brother-sister and any other relationship needs continuous nurturing. Relationships, ebb and flow through the ocean of life, creating their troughs and crests. The crest may be tall and high and yet we look at the trough and forget the crest. We need to train our brain to focus on the crests and ignore the troughs. The flow of life will minimize the trough.

5. YOU can make a difference: As alone as we are, we have the power to make a difference. I never thought I did, until recently. Our simple acts of kindness can become big acts of fortitude for another.

This blog has been my sanity for many occasions. To stay sane, I had promised myself that I will bring the blog back on my birthday, so here it is. The blog lives.

Life I believe is full of Imperfections. It is these little daily imperfections that culminate at the end of a day to make a perfectly beautiful life. That’s how my world is. It’s filled with shades of bright vibrant reds to melancholy yet calming blues.

How is your world?

4 life lessons revisited and learnt.

It’s been a year since I stopped blogging regularly and I had my reasons. I was angry at many things in life, and every time I wrote, I wrote dark. I did not like that about myself. Life is not all happy, I know that, but writing to me is a way of sorting the unhappy from happy and when only unhappy comes out, its hard and takes much more effort to dig through the pile and drag the happy up. This was important for me. I have always taken pride in my capability to adapt and adjust and when the unhappy was stopping me from doing that, it was frustrating.

We are all a product of our experiences and it is the change that these experiences bring to our lives that makes us all human. The experience of losing my last grandparent, seeing the effects of cancer and how it changes lives and most importantly seeing how relationships change in times of stress, these experiences taught me the most important lesson of all: “life as we know it, is very fickle.”

Lesson 1: Life is fickle, it changes with the flip of a coin.

So, what’s the anecdote to this. It took a while, but slowly and steadily I am learning to live for one day only. Live as if this was your last day. So god forbid, if something happened to me overnight, tomorrow morning there won’t be anyone cussing me, but instead they will remember that I waved to them randomly as I walked my kid to school.

Lesson 2: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.

This is the only thing that works when friends or foe hurt you. It’s the hardest thing to do, but it is very important to move on and stay at peace with the world and most importantly yourself.

Forgive the colleague who took the laurels for all your handwork or the love you loved and it went away or or the teenager who used the only power they have to be rude and insulted you or those who keep asking you why you don’t work. Forgiving does not mean, forgetting what happened. It just means that you have healed. The scar will always be there and remind you of the pain. But cherish that scar, for that scar is a reminder of your triumph and how you overcame that pain. Forgiving someone does not mean that you need to be friends with them again, it just means that you have accepted them for who they are and are choosing to walk away to be at peace with yourself.

Lesson 3: Be yourself.

This is the universal truth and also one that we never actually make an effort for. Why? Maybe it’s the mixed messages we get in our life. When we were little and forgot the little things, we were told; “try to remember, its important to remember things,” and as we grow up we are told; “please try to forget, its important to look at the big picture and not the tiny details.” We tell our kids, make your own pathway, be a leader, but yes don’t forget to learn piano and get your A’s like the other kids.

We contradict ourselves daily and don’t think of it as same.

You will get a different advise at every phase of your life, and that advise is not necessarily bad advise, its appropriate for that moment. It is the change in advise and lack of empathy that comes in the future that creates the problem. So as you strive to forgive and be yourself, listen to everyone’s advise, do what makes sense to you and once you make that choice, don’t blame the world for it. A bad grade in school, a project gone wrong, a sour relationship, a burnt dinner, an angry child or simply a backload of laundry, these are all choices you made, not the world, so accept the shortcomings with the same grace as you smile at the applaud.

Some one told me yesterday – don’t short sell yourself and don’t take a step down. Stick to your guts, the struggle is there, but every failed effort is a step in the right direction. You may not have the right answer now, but you now know what won’t work and that’s HUGE.

Lesson 4: Surround yourself with positive people.

This is imperative in this crazy world. Surround yourself with folks who are good at heart. It does not matter how big their house is or how old their car is. As long as they have a good heart, you are in good hands. Remember the little boy who wandered the deserts looking for the Alchemist, well he taught us all one thing, “when you want something really bad, the universe comes together to make it happen for you.” This is very true. The Universe like us also has its mood swings and attitude problems. If you surround yourself with negative folks, you will attract more unwanted unhappy in your life.

Look for people who tell you, “yes life sucks right now, but its a phase and this too shall pass.”

Often we ignore to receive a call or make an excuse to not answer the call and sometimes it is just our pride that stops us from calling or texting the person. Appreciate that person who takes the time to call you, or write to you. They have choices. They are choosing to spend that moment thinking about you.

Today, I choose to ignore the negative, nurture the positive and move on. By doing so, I am sure the fickle life will slowly learn to stabilize itself. After all it’s life, it blooms in the most unexpected places.

blog3 — LIFE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY. JUST BE PATIENT WITH IT.

The Last Frontier – Part 1

Vacation for me is about slowing down. It’s about feeling life again. This summer, we discovered Alaska.

Thank you Russia, for giving it away for 2 cents an acre to US. It was the 49th state, and like the saying goes – “save the best for the last,” Alaska truly is. It is state unlike any other. The people who live there did not just end up there, they chose to live there for they were worthy of it. Living in Alaska is not everyone’s cup of tea. There is something in the wild Alaskan air that draws fiercely independent and almost eccentric folks to its shores. Why else would teachers from NC and students from CA move to Alaska during the summer to drive buses and be tour guides. These folks travel to Alaska not to escape life, but so that life does not escape them.

Imagine wilderness without any fast food chains, major restaurants and a single road going in and out of cities. The whole state is an open playground for both kids and grown ups alike. The 20 hour day frees its residents from the clock and they make the best of the midnight sun to climb mountains, dive into oceans or just sit and marvel at the beauty of Mt. McKinley.

Join me today as I relive the magnificence of the state. While most people take the cruise, we decided to forego the cruise; instead we did something much better.. we took every mode of transportation possible. It was “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” at its best and we added boats, ATV too.

We start off with a trip on the Alaskan Railroad. Not sure of what to expect, the kids and I think grown ups too had their own doubts, however once we boarded the train, we were all in a happy zone. It’s a treat and a ride on the Alaskan railroad is a must.
As we travelled from Anchorage to Seward, we were beginning to see why Alaska attracts 1.5 million visitors annually.

After a 4 hour journey, the shores of Seward welcomed us with clear blue skies.

From the Seward Harbor, we set sail on the Kenai Fjords Cruise – a 6 hour boat ride to experience the raw unbridled frigid waters of Alaska.

Through out the entire vacation, I could not get over the skies of Alaska. They created magical wisps of air that I had never seen before and even better than that was seeing a smack of Jelly fish right next to the boat. Nothing that I write can do justice to this experience. To see these invertebrates up close alive and swimming in an open ocean was surreal.
PC: Ansh Verma

And then this – I am sure you know this one; but wait, its not the Orca. These are Porpoise – their cousin the Dolphin is more famous. But the Porpoise are just as friendly. As soon as the captain saw them, he asked us to make more noise. The rails of the boat were being beaten by the frozen palms of excited audience and the Porpoise excitedly showed off.

PC: Ansh Verma

And then the boat sped towards the final attraction – the glaciers.
A picture is worth a thousand words.

As we head back, everyone was still in a trance and scanning the pictures they had clicked when the captain announced Humpbacks.. and off we all jumped to get a glimpse of this beautiful mammal and we were in for a treat.

After the cruise, we took the Park Connection bus back to Anchorage. As the bus made its way back through the one way road, I could not help but marvel at the raw beauty of this magnificence state. I had seen whales before too, however to see them agains the majestic mountains and glaciers is an experience to be experienced.

It is true, everything about Alaska is larger than life. From Mt McKinley at 20,320 feet, its’ the highest peak in North America to the glaciers that are bigger than countries, days that never end and nights that never start, Alaska had given us a glimpse of its unpolished humongous beauty. The basic human instincts to explore was alive and we all were experiencing life again.

Tomorrow we take a ride with an Iditarod Dog Musher and then fly around Mt. Mckinley to land on a glacier. Stay tuned.

Boring Boredom!

We are officially half way done with summer and some of us are desperately waiting for schools to reopen while some of us (like myself) wishes the vacations continue for ever. Why can’t we just have a year round school.. study for one unit, take a break and then go back. So much better, don’t you think. As adults, don’t we feel like taking a break every 2-3 months, then why deprive the kids of that luxury. Anyways, I know most of you are rolling your eyes and wondering what planet I come from. Well, it’s the same as yours, Earth, I just don’t like the constant drilling mode we are in.

Why is summer a bummer and a stress factor for so many parents? Why do parents worry about their kids getting bored? Seriously, since when has a bored mind become a bad thing. Mind is a machine and like every other machine it needs its downtime too.

Okay, before you say anything, I do realize that I work from my home office and my kids have the luxury, but so do yours. Honestly, they do. I tried giving this idea to a few moms this year and they looked at me like I was Dorothy making a wish. Here’s a possible solution – your kids have friends – some very nice, some okay. Meet up with their parents and form a group, 5-6 families and have the group of kids go to the respective homes turn by turn. You get your kids only once a week and yet they are out of your way without any major expense or structure. Again, I know this solution does not work for everyone, but it’s a worth a try, isn’t it? Infact, I wouldn’t mind doing it with my kids too. I tried selling it, but it did not fly with many. I wondered why? I am still wondering why? If you have insights, please do share them.

Overtime my kids complaint of how boring it is, I tell them it’s okay to get bored.It’s perfectly okay to hang upside down on the couch and stare at the ceiling. They are getting bored, not tortured. Their bellies are full, have clean clothes and not a worry in the world.. that’s a lot to be happy about. Over time, the frequency of “I am getting bored” has gone down – they find their thing now. When they can’t find anything better to do, they both end up in the backyard.. sometimes screaming at each other, sometimes playing with each other. At first, every time they screamed, I ran outside to calm them down because I didn’t want the neighbors thinking I have unruly kids. Now, I don’t. In my heart I know what the neighbors are thinking – this mom has no control or she does not care. Quite honestly, I am keeping an eye on my kids, but I have realized one thing, the over parenting I have done in the past years back fired on me. The kids today take life as an entitlement and I have a problem with that. Life is a gift and its a privilege to have clean running water, the kids need to understand that, but they don’t. It is important for these kids to fall, hurt a knee or two, be in pain so they realize the joy of not being in pain. It’s not easy, especially in today’s times when we judge each other with a magnifying glass. Why? As parents, aren’t we all in the same boat, so why do we judge? Why do we credit the success or failure of the child to the parent? Is it the parent who got the honor roll or is it the parent who went to summer school? Neither and yet we judge.

This summer, I realized another thing, as parents we take way too much credit for the success of our kids and we blame ourselves way too much for their failure too. If a parent watches their kids like a hawk, that’s okay – we all have our fears and our reasons are our own. The smart parent though will watch and speak only when needed.

Just as a clarification – it took me two years to get here. Two years ago, I was the helicopter parent and I sadly thought hovering was ok.

It is important for these kids to have nothing to do. It is important to get bored, because that’s when they will be forced to open those long lost tubs of goodies and make things happen. When they create their own play, summer will suddenly be magical. Human beings are creators and inventors. If you Google the history, the most brilliant ideas came from a lazy activity. What do you think Newton was doing under an apple tree? I am pretty sure he was lazing around.

I am not undermining the efforts or the kids who do strive to succeed and like to stay busy all day and want something to do. The point is if they can come up with ideas, give them the tools to make those ideas a reality, but don’t think of the ideas for them. In my house today, there are only three ideas, electronics, tennis and hoola hoops and somewhere in between tons of food. Quite honestly, thats okay with me.

I let my kids run wild in summer. Most parents will disagree with my strategy, and quite honestly, I don’t know if I am right or wrong. Time will tell. What I do know is I want my kids to enjoy being home and in turn enjoying being with me and that’s all that matters. I continue to try hard and not worry about what classes my middle schooler will get or who will be my daughter’s teacher.

I am hoping that this freedom to get bored and find a way to snap out of the boredom will also teach them to take what life gives them and make the best of it.

Have fun this summer with your kids. They are going to be in your nest for only 18 years before they fly away to build their own nest. Give them memories that will make them come back often.

If you are bored of reading this, too bad, because I had a blast writing this 🙂

Diversity, are you there?

Diversity in the simplest form is a variety of anything. Diversity in wardrobe, cuisine, and sometimes even friendships is what keeps life interesting. After all “variety is the spice of life.” The word diversity in the world today is nothing more than a buzz word.. a word that is often used as a marketing tool. Diversity today means “assimilation of individuals from different cultural backgrounds.” Corporations, colleges, even cities and counties use it as an marketing tool to attract new customers, clients and residents. That’s all good, but there is a key element of diversity that is often missed; it’s the element of being inclusive.

Being inclusive is a two edged sword with “the need of belonging” and “pseudo diversity” at a constant fight with each other. Feeling of belonging is a fundamental human need. We all want to be a “part” of something, and at the same time birds of the same feather want to flock together. It’s a conundrum. On one hand we want to learn about different cultures and traditions and yet we are afraid to make friends or socialize with someone who comes from a world different from ours. While being friends with another one unlike you can be understood, it is hard to understand the concept of pseudo diversity; at least for me it was until a few months ago when I noticed a 6 year old comment on the subject.

It all started with a trip to Napa Valley, CA, sitting in a pizzeria, the kids comment, we are the only Indians here. I expected the older child to notice and comment but was taken by surprise when the younger sibling quipped in and said, “ya that’s weird. In my school, we are all Indians.” This sentence got me thinking, they are growing up in US and yet she has only Indian friends, eats Indian, talks Indian and one of her favorite songs is “Indiawale.” I looked at my older one, who loves India, mimics SRK and yet has friends in every shape, size and color and his roots are midwestern. How did this happen? Is it a personality thing? Maybe it is. However I do believe the environment has a big role to play too.

Kids and adults alike in our neighborhood even though immigrants are not minorities. They are the majority. The concept of minority is alien to this neighborhood. Some of you might take pride in this fact. For me its one of those “ok whatever” things. When I came to the US, I landed in a town with 10,000 families and we were the only colored folks there 🙂 Yes there is ignorance, there is lack of awareness of the world around them, however the warmth and love I got from folks there still warms my heart. I am yet to see the humility I saw there and I am yet to experience the inclusive-ness I experienced in the little town of Greensburg, IN.

When the kids elementary school had the idea of introducing the concept of having an “International Day,” I grabbed upon the opportunity. I was at the brink of frustration with this concept of pseudo diversity. Where is the diversity? With this question and the support of some amazing and outstanding parent leaders, it was decided to celebrate the world we live in. Every grade was a continent and within that they had a theme to work with. The best was when we discussed Asia 🙂 Should it be China or India? How do we decide? So we did something smart.. we gave them Mt. Everest 🙂 A little bit of both..LOL. Were they bummed.. you bet. There were many who asked..why not China and India? The answer is simple.. these kids live China and India every day. Some asked, why not Hawaii and Mexico for North America? Well, the most obvious vacations for folks in CA are Hawaii or Mexico. Every once in a while, Vegas and Grand Canyon get some attention, but beyond that it’s probably New York. Everything in between is lost in oblivion for CA. So for the continent of North America, it was let’s meet our neighbor Canada :). What do you think eh? Additionally, we travelled to Greece, saw the gods and goddesses come alive, experienced a base camp at Mt. Everest and met some of the mountaineers, travelled to Australia to see the aboriginal art and even the Galapagos Islands and understood why Darwin was in awe of the place. All this in one night. It was “around the world with 7 grades.”

The best part for me was to see the senior most grade celebrate Africa. Why? In the entire grade there is one kid with African heritage. She was the lone student interested in celebrating. Slowly and steadily here classmates joined in and embraced and celebrated her culture. From what I saw, it was clear that the kids surprised themselves. Shakira’s Waka-Waka came alive and so did a true Sudanese dance along with many artifacts from Africa itself. I hope in the process they made some new friendships. I hope now when they hear of Africa, they will think beyond the Apartheid and images of poverty that is spattered by the media. I hope they will embrace the continent where human beings were born.

Diversity is so much more than living in a place with people from different nationalities. It is about tolerating each other. It is about NOT bragging on the supremacy of one culture vs. the other. It is about accepting the flaws in our own society and recognizing the positives in another. Most importantly, it is about sharing, both happiness and sorrows.

If the world was meant to be as different as we perceive it to be, Pangea would be a fiction of our imagination.

We the Women…

Woman’s day, Woman’s week – we celebrated by sharing pictures, sending uplifting messages on WA and FB to each other and just enjoyed the glory of being ourselves. One of the stream of messages on WA caught my attention, it talked about the other side of womanhood. It talked about how “we the women” are frenemies. Yes you read it right, we are our own friends and enemies.

For a few minutes let’s keep all the Lean In feminism on the side and think about this. When we see a mom – with a stellar career choosing to move on with her career and not coming to field trips in school, we the super cool moms who attend the field trips are the first ones to comment on how Ms. Busy Bee never has time. “We the women” never complaint about dads not coming or being a part of it, “we the women” just accept that no matter how busy a mom is, she has to find time. “We the women” grunt at the mom, who sends her kid to school with unbrushed hair, “we the women” snicker at the friend who writes post after post of how amazing her life is. “We the women” look at others and wonder about The Dress Up Game (http://www.shilpaverma.com/the-dress-up-game/) The bottom line is “we the women” have an inherent trait of jealousy in us. Guys don’t have that. You can argue they do, and maybe you are right. But the woman jealousy factor is 100 times more potent. Guys are competitive and may choose to take a short cut to succeed in their career, but they don’t have time or the patience to gossip about another guy who is doing better than that. We the women do. We love gossips. And just to be clear, the WE in “we the women” includes me too.

All the women gossip , MIL, jealous wife jokes exist for reason. They are fictitious but stem from reality.

India – a country close to my heart is slaved to domestic help. If the maid calls in sick, the whole family grunts and grinds. On woman’s day – how many of “we the women” choose to give that maid a day off as a mark of respect to her womanhood. “We the women” pampered ourselves in salons and gatherings, all in while we had another woman cleaning up our mess.

Why am I venting out? Simply because I wish for “we the women” to stop comparing ourselves to ourselves. Stop judging me based on what I do. Stop being unhappy with your life because you think mine is perfect. Guess what, mine is not. I have my battles too. I fight them everyday with my internal strength and a prayer and somewhere in between I try to smile too. You should do the same. Life did not promise us a bed of roses, but it does have this unique way of preparing us for the future. So next time, please don’t judge me based on my clothes, or how I look or what I do with my life. My life is mine and yours is yours. Why oh why do “we the women” judge. Let’s just be and let us be.

Let it be “Us the Women,” ‘cos both you and I know that this journey called womanhood would be impossible without girlfriends.

Blessed I am – are you?

Very excited today to be sharing a guest blog post by a very dear friend. She had asked me to do a blog post on college memories…. and for me college was a mixed bag of emotions, happiness entwined with pain, mystic, confusion, anger and in the end amazing friendships. So I quickly turned it around and invited her to do a guest blog post.. and I have to say, her perspective and and capture of Techno is brighter than mine. So, here you go. The moments from Techno by a very dear friend Seema Abhale. While I was trying to understand why I took admission in engineering ( I still wonder how and why I ended up there :)) she had it all figured out and today is the proud owner of Prakruti Environmental Engineers. The girl has successfully established a business in an industry that has traditionally been dominated my men. She is everything you would a friend to be. I hope you enjoy the innocence of this post.

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BLESSED I AM _ ARE YOU? by Seema Abhale.

“And there I stand in the centre square of the Faculty of Technology & Engineering of the renowned University The Maharaja Sayajirao Universtiy of Vadodara,wondering whether it’s a dream or really I am at the place which I always dreamt to be as a kid!! Ooouch… i am really there!!

10537325_10152562966368104_2786596305459924115_n — The entrance to the College. Little did I know that I will build lifetime of friendships here.

I had always known this place but today as I stand here I am totally lost; as though the place is flooded with same race; can hardly see anyone known! Timid, publicly shy as I am; started my stride through the crowd towards the steps that took us to the lobby where my class would be. My heart is pounding of anxiety; the most exciting day was about to turn to be the most gloomy for not having any known friends around and then my watery eyes saw a face that instantly brought a smile and hurray there I see a girl whom I recognised at once! Not that I knew her since long but she was the one who was ahead of me while taking the admission. We did exchange the names but I hardly remembered but did remember her face – how can one forget such a beautiful mysterious face. But the happy moments are momentary; we were placed in different classes!!! Anyways for a happy girl like me the fact that someone know is around was enough and so the journey began….

Few days passed and one fine day I see a little girl with bouncy hair in a frock and shoes coming to the class along with the boys. Not very clear what but something in my heart said that she is the one with whom I can be friends with. Shy character of mine restricted me from starting a conversation and so few days went by analyzing though started being friendly with the boys – classmates!! And soon made friends with most of the classmates and also with the one which brought smile to my face on the very first day!

I am still trying to adjust in the environment and the exams days were announced. Was astonished to see others getting tensed and I am like – so what! Like time waits for none; exams came and went but the actual fun is when results are out

1969409_10152562970443104_891339446768065412_n — The surveying lab, where we all gathered to TRY and learn. It was more of a break from sitting in the classrooms 🙂

I was never a studios student but always scored distinction in the school so was confident of it while looking to the result sheet on the notice board. And what; my exam number is not listed in for Distinction!! I scrolled down thinking maybe a first class but no I don’t see it…I keep searching for my number but didn’t find it in second class too…. I scrolled to the last grade Pass class and my face beamed like a sunshine – there it is – the very first one!!! Always contented and happy the way life placed me I was happy that I passed and so did my new friends. The days passed with a new learning each day and a remarkable one is that we have to open the window for atmosphere to come in!!! (which I religiously follow today also!!) While I Am still trying to adjust with the university environment, new friends, new learning’s and exploring the ways to find fun in load of term works and the tensed atmosphere; year end is declared and soon we had to face the exam. This time had to give my best shot so can get transferred to a better stream of engineering. Results are out and yes I passed out and also did get a change in stream from IWM to Civil (is it better is still a question) but then am happy as had made my own place in the lobby!!

The year started with the shuffle of students and I got separated from newly made friends. The new class had more girls then the earlier one but seems they didn’t like my face! Except for one tall slender beautiful girl sitting on last bench with a spark in her eye and slight curve to her lips which attracted me and I shared the bench with her unaware that she would turn out to be my friend for lifetime. I found a new friend but still I longed for the break time when I can meet the other two friends. Days passed by with routine sharing of hi hello and a smile and when did it turned into mingling for short and then long gossips, term works, group reading and sleep over; I also really don’t remember – maybe that’s what is called friendship! and so evolved a gang of four which turned out to be the notorious gang due to its mix flavor of being naughty hotty and intelligent! A gang that dared to challenge the opposite gender, played pranks with both the genders, engaged in day long discussions at times arguments and still managed to be friends with all.

But as we all know that what has started will come to an end and so did these carefree days too. We now gathered in the auditorium to receive farewell party from our juniors; felt as if it was just yesterday that I was standing in the center square of the faculty all alone and today we are seven – seven different individuals with diverse qualities woven in an invisible bond – Friendship: a relation that is created by us which is beyond any expectations. It’s the space where we can be ourselves, speak of our mind; see what we like to see and hear without prejudice; so very eternal. Blessed are those who are able to get connected in such divine relationship – yes I am!!

Seeeemmmaaaa … wake up its morning! Don’t have to go to the office…”