It takes a village to raise a child and being a parent is “on the job” training. The babies don’t come with instructional manuals and the picture perfect parenting books only tell half the story. A few days into the job of parenting and every parent understands the phrase “sleeping like a baby” is a myth and doctors have a checklist, beyond that it’s all about following your maternal instincts. It’s no surprise that all new moms rely on “mommy” groups to socialize and find sanity. The socializing calms the nerves and reassures that you are not alone. As a new mom, the only sanity check I had was my neighbor who reassured me that the colicky phase will end soon, no worries. Lo and behold it did end, however had it not been for her constantly reminding me and sharing narratives of her own parenting journey, I would have gone crazy.
As the kids grow older, life moves on, families move, kids start kinder and a phase of new friendships and mom support starts. The social element once again brings in sanity.
As the kids get older, bit by bit, these adult friendships and social support groups vanish. Why?
Why do we stop sharing the sob stories? Why do we only share the successes? These teens are the same kids who grew up together. They threw tantrums, argued, didn’t sleep on time, and we shared it all. We took cues from each other and found our solutions. Today when the kids are teenagers, we hide their sorrows, we exaggerate the happiness. What message are we sending to our kids?
Moms, again, these are the same kids. They are throwing tantrums. If we could share their tantrums at age 5, why can’t we share them at age 13,14.. and more? What happens to us? Why do we start judging the kids? So what if a calm boy starts jumping around, does that make him a bad kid? So what if a nerdy girl starts dating, does that make her a bad kid? The kids are going through hormonal changes, not us – right? Then why do we start behaving so differently?
Teenage is a roller coaster for both parents and kids and there is this preconceived idea that new moms need support and once the kids are older, the moms have figured it all out. No, that’s not true. As a parent of a teen and tween, I can assure you the teen years will be more isolated than the baby years.
When a baby cries, the world empathizes. When a teen cries, the world stands, stares and turns away. Sad, but true.
It takes a village to raise a kid, it’s true. It is also true that the kids in this village watch the adults and learn from them. Let us show them the collaborative communication and not the silent communication. We need communication that allows a kid to be whoever they are. A tattoo, a failing grade, a heart break, a detention, a bully, a smirk and more… these are all fixable problems, if only we spoke to each other.
It is no secret that the greatest struggle between teens and parents is communication. Let us model positive communication so they can mimic it too. We can go on this journey together or alone. Either way, we will raise successful kids, however the latter will be a very lonely and tiring journey and the former will be filled with fun, laughter, picnics and maybe girls night outs too.
Think outside the box, but …
Remember to color between the lines
Remember to learn music
Oh and soccer too
Let us not forget Marching Band, AP classes and more
Do not ask too many questions in class
Do exactly like the teacher says
Don’t day dream in school
Don’t wiggle in the chair
Don’t challenge the conventional
Don’t jump out of the box
But please remember to be uniquely you
Remember to think outside the box.
Constraints, restrictions, rules and regulations; Are we killing the creative mind?
Mind, brain, our natural computer or just a web of delicate neurons intertwined in the most efficient manner, charged with the right impulses can help us reach the moon, smash a forehand, run a marathon and so much more. It is no secret that the human brain is nature at its best. It is perfect and yet it continues to evolve with every generation.
We are all born with a brain which is fundamentally a mass of pink tissue approximately 1.3 kg in weight with billions of cells and trillions of connections. As babies we are nurtured. Our squeals and screams are understood, we are encouraged to play with paint. The mess doesn’t bother the grown ups because this is how babies learn. The babies start walking, they are encouraged to ride a bike, they fall down, scrape an ankle, maybe even break a bone, they are encouraged to continue riding a bike because falling and getting up is grit. Fast forward a few years and today the box of legos sits in the garage gathering dust. The bag of crayons, markers and color pencils has been replaced with pens and highlighters. The puzzle books have been shoved away by science and math books.
The desire to try and explore is lost in the maze of fear and failure.
We, the parents have taken our fears of failure and added demands on the system, on the teachers and on the kids. Please don’t say, “No I haven’t,” because at some point you did. Every time you told your kid to focus on math and science, you killed creativity. Every time you found a tuition teacher for better grades, you killed your childs’ ability to fall and get up on their own strength. Every time you told your child to choose an activity that looks good on the college application, you killed their passion and their ability to be unique. We the parents are to blame.
Guess what, I have made ALL OF THE ABOVE and much many more mistakes myself. Month after month of “making mistakes,” thankfully summer came; it was the time when I could stand back and look at my kids without the fear of grades and failure. I realized two things; first kids need freedom and second they need constraints too. Yes, being creative, being independent, being gritty are all essential traits for success, but they are all a a double edged sword too.
Give your kids too much freedom and they won’t know what to do with themselves. Give your kid too many constraints and they will feel stifled. So what is the right mix? I wish I knew. I do know that if we give our kids a box of legos and say “get creative,” they fidget with the legos for a long time before actually getting creative, however if we give them a box of legos and say, “you have to create something within 60 minutes that is an example of future cars,” then we have given them something to think about within a framework. They have constraints, but constraints to encourage creativity not hinder it.
To be creative, independent and to develop grit, kids need freedom within a framework. You the parent creates the framework and rules. Rules that allow them to explore without driving you insane. A fun fact about rules, it takes days, weeks, maybe months to establish them. You are trying to teach your child grit. You will need it first. Rules will be broken. You will sound like a broken record and that’s okay. Let the record play on repeat. It’s worth it.
Here’s what I try to do everyday to encourage creativity, independence and build grit in myself and my kids. Yes, myself too.
Encourage them to take the simple decisions. Let them decide which summer camp, which summer course, which game to play, let your teen decide his/her clubs in school and so forth. It is the adult paradox that kids can’t think. On one hand we tell them to go volunteer in the real world, be different and do the exceptional and on the other hand we plan it all out for them. Awkward, isn’t it? Let the kids decide.
Take them on journeys. The caveat here is, it should be something they like to do. So if you have a fashionista, take her to the mall and go window shopping or give her a budget and ask her to come up with a wardrobe for you. She might think you are crazy, but will take pride in finding some shopping steals for you. If you have an out doors kid, go to the beach, build sand castles, race the waves and more. Our brain unlike other organs in our body is a social organ. The fundamental structure of our brain is defined at birth, but it continues to evolve and sculpt itself through life’s daily experiences. So go ahead, give them experiences, every experience leaves an imprint that the brain builds upon. If you take them on a negative journey, it’s going to backfire.
Watch movies. Yes, this is a weird suggestion, however it is an inexpensive idea to boost those creative neurons again and spend some quality time together. There is a movie on every subject, pick movies that work best for your kid and enjoy the imaginative world. You have a runner, there’s Race, Mcfarland,USAand so many more. You have a reading whiz, there’s Akeelah and the Bee. Gymnastics; there’s Gabby Douglas life story. A child who learns differently; Show them how “A beautiful mind” can change the world. Movies are and can be a potential source of inspiration. Use them to your advantage.
Read with them. Like movies, there is a book on every subject. Maybe you don’t have a reader in your home. That’s okay. Get them comics, or light reading books. Encourage the habit and it will slowly build upon itself. If they like reading on the internet, find articles and start sending it to them. If your little one likes to watch TV, turn on the close captioning and mute the volume. The idea is to read.
Your kids are not you.The kids come through us but not for us. Often we forget this and remind them of our vision and definition of success. Maybe it was important for you to drive a BMW as your first car. Your child may not care and might be happy with a Honda. That’s okay.
Let them be. It’s okay if your child doesn’t want to go and help save endangered species or start a non profit. Celebrate the simple and ordinary they have. It is this ordinary child that makes your world extraordinary. They have to believe in themselves before the world starts believing them. Celebrate the ordinary.
Parent them to develop and internal locus of control.This is hard, very hard. As an adult, I am still struggling with it. Let them know that they are the masters of their destiny. Teach them the concept of Pronoia. If they believe in Pronoia, they will learn to stop blaming the world for their problems and take charge of their life.
Learning to be independent, developing grit and all in while being creative and different is a very tall order for anyone.Be patient with yourself and your child. Believe in them. It takes nerves of steel to walk a path untrodden. Thinking outside the box is an overused term today. Let your child be themselves, let them believe in themselves, because that’s when they will be unique and out of the box.
I am ordinary, there are days my home is spotless and then there are days you will think a tornado ran in. I don’t aim to shop in the teen section and neither do I count the calories in my food. I am an engineer with an MBA, but I chose to give up the corporate world to raise a family. When I wanted to go back, I was told, I don’t have any experience, so I decided to shun the extraordinary and explored the ordinary world of teaching. Yes, I say ordinary because that’s how we perceive the noble profession of teaching. It’s sad. Many said, you are so educated, why? The question baffled me and I stayed silent. I get annoyed, frustrated and angry too and yet if I had to relive my life, I don’t think I would change anything. As imperfect as it is, it is extraordinary that an ordinary person like me has stayed sane on this planet 🙂 for 45 years.
Last week, I left you with a question ; Can you imagine how this world would be if majority of us were outliers? Today, we continue that discussion. The question is simple, Why are we so afraid of celebrating the ordinary? The world has become increasingly impatient, loud and obnoxious in many ways. Yearn more, strive more, grasp more, buy more, work more but sleep less, enjoy less and yes, eat less too. Why is the ordinary, average mediocre life not good enough any more? Don’t get me wrong, there are some genuine brilliant extraordinary souls who are finding cures, fighting wars to protect us and so much more. We need to celebrate them, but that should not prevent us from celebrating the crossing guard who keeps kids safe in the crazy morning commute hours.
Average, ordinary, mediocre; these words simply meant being human. Today they mean being losers. Why? The truth is majority of us will not end up in the Hall of Fame, and yet we shy away from celebrating the ordinary.
The world is obsessed with being the best. It’s a carcinogenic obsession with perceived malignancy and yet every generation is more stressed and worried than the previous one.
Today, we are more lonely than before. Don’t blame FB for it. It’s not FB, it’s you. If the only thing I do is strive to be the best at everything at I do, I will not have time to enjoy the imperfections and learn from the failures. The truth is life lives somewhere between the failures and successes.
The need for perfection kills creativity. If I try to write this blogpost with no imperfections, I will not write. Creativity needs editing not perfection.
Forget smelling the roses, we all want maintenance free yards now.Having a yard is a lot of work, but there is an inert primeval satisfaction to play with dirt and watch the seed blossom into flowers.Sowing a seed is a pretty ordinary task, to see it blossom into a flower, that’s extraordinary.
In our incessant race to perfection, the penalties for failure are high. A 5 year old worries about grades, a senior ready to embark on the an exciting journey into the independent world worries about being shunned for a less than perfect SAT score.
Today the world is more connected, but humans are more separated. It’s always amusing when I see adults pursuing goals and keep mute about it. They share with you that they are looking for a job, but never share which companies they are applying to. They share with you they are taking a course, but never share why. They ask suggestions and ideas, but when you need one, there is nothing but the rhetoric. A relaxed vacation today is a reason for brandish conversations. So yes, we are connected but only to go farther away from each other.
It’s deadly because we are shaming the ordinary.
Majority of us are not outliers and the world is optimized for the ordinary. We need to slow down, smell the roses and collaborate more. Ordinary tasks done well, become extraordinary.
Celebrate the ordinary. Now isn’t that an extraordinary thought!
I have to be honest, this is my third attempt to write this post. It was a simple question, Why do Indian men eat before women? The gamut of answers on my FB should have made it easy for me to write this. All I had to do was summarize and be done. I did that, it didn’t make any sense. The discussions revealed the practice prevails in cultures across the globe for very similar reasons and the two main ones being; man has been considered superior or the woman just accepts it and continues the traditions. As I wrote and read to myself, it didn’t make any sense. There had to be more to this. If this was a practice that annoyed women, then how can women across the globe just let it be? If this was disrespectful, how did woman beyond geographical boundaries and traditions continue this practice for generations? These questions and more made me write and re-write.
I want to make it clear, that by no means am I an expert on women’s issues or a fundamental feminist. If anything, I am your neighborhood everyday Jane, just trying to make sense of my imperfectly perfect world.
The responses made me think hard and I am convinced that it all goes back to our roots. How else can such a bizarre practice span time and not morph into a better version of itself?
Every country has a native tribe of sorts. I Googled values and principals of many and in a nutshell it came down to this: The women are the life givers and nurturer’s. Nature made women the giver of life, so how can the giver of life, take life away too. It would be opposite to nature, and that’s why the men hunt and women take care of the home and nurture the family. Our ancestors believed the woman to be the giver of life so they did not let her hunt or take life. Seems logical, right? This is feminism at its best. They accepted the natural order of things and found their balance. I found this same balance at the Pueblo of Acomo , New Mexico (if you haven’t seen this, I highly recommend taking a trip to The Land of Enchanted during the winter break.
Do we blame the natives for this practice that carried forward and never changed. No, we blame ourselves for creating this mess. The natives had a balance that worked beautifully for them. The modern man came and with it came the imbalance. However this is not a post about feminism. We all have our own definition for the word and personally, I don’t connect with the men bashing definition. There are women who never cook and there are men who never change a diaper. It’s just who we are. We can complaint about genders and how submissive women are, but that is never going to change the status quo.
Feminism or not, the truth is, if you serve people good food, they don’t complaint. Wait, maybe the problem is with the word “serve.” It is reminiscence of slavery and brings out the negativity in us. Instead of serving food, let us start presenting, offering and or providing the food. Maybe that’s all it takes, a word change by all of us to bring out positive memories of the warmth and love of being on the dining table without the worry of who ate first.
I read the discussion on my FB wall again and found the answer staring at my face. It’s me. Yes, when there is a social event, I too insist the kids and men eat first, I insist my girlfriends also eat at the same time. I very rarely eat when I am the host. I can only speak for myself, so here is why I allow this to happen.
Being able to feed others is a very empowering feeling.
My Nani (maternal grandmother) always said, “If there is one thing you should know how to do, it should be cooking. Armed with my arrogance, I would ask why? Her response ” if you know how to cook, you will never sleep hungry.” I took this message seriously and learnt how to cook and at a very young age I could whip up a meal for the family. This is a very powerful message for men and women alike. We need to cook, so we can feed ourselves and in the process if you can feed others, more power to you.
Just to be clear on a daily basis, my daughter and I eat first and the boys later, because that’s just how it works in our family. Yes, I do want them to wait for me on the weekends and sometimes they do. When they forget, I give them a reminder 🙂 I do what I have to do, to keep the wheels of life churning. Keep it simple and keep the communication channels open… if it bothers you that no one waits, let them know loud and clear 🙂
It is a cooks instinct and privilege to feed first.
Cooking is a chore for some and for others it is an act of love. There are many for whom cooking is an art form. An art form that allows them to express their love through the food they make. These men and women will never eat first. They will always feed first. Let’s not judge. If the woman cooks, she offers the food. If the man cooks, he offers the food. It’s that simple. (P.S: I replaced serve with offer)
It may sound ironical but the fact that one knows how to cook also gives the confidence of feeding others first because you know there will always be food that you can make. So the women who feed first are not necessarily losers or timid followers of tradition, it’s quite possible these ladies know what they are doing. They know their strengths and they know their partners weakness and just like the natives recognized the order of nature an found their balance, the women who serve food first and eat later have also found their balance.
This post has also allowed me to do a lot of self reelection, that is why I love my blog. It’s not famous yet 🙂 , but it helps me stay sane. Every woman has an internal energy and I am not talking about the energy to get up and do chores, it is the intrinsic energy that allows her to keep her balance. The woman from Venus, needs her time away for the chaos and for many women like me that time away is in the kitchen.Cooking a good meal brings the calm back in me. There will always be days of feeling angry and flustered. There will always be days when you wish, you were served a meal and when that happens, just say so and get a carry out.
Why do we always applaud the bold and the beautiful? In the name of feminism, why are we shunning those who don’t? Why don’t we applaud the conventional and traditional, after all the world is optimized for the average and conventional.
Can you imagine what the world would be if the majority of us were outliers bending and molding the conventional?
Death is inevitable. It’s a fact. As real as it is, it’s still a tough one to fathom. It cannot and should not be taken lightly and that’s exactly what “13 Reasons Why” does. The movie makes death look simple. It’s not. My summer started with this movie and I have to say my brain is still rattling with questions. Why was this movie made? What was the intent? What is the message in the movie? The movie is about a teen who struggles to solve the jigsaw puzzle of emotions and finally gives up.
I was an introvert teen and having been bullied in middle school myself I am not insensitive to the feelings and emotions. I understand the loneliness, the frustration, the anger and the helplessness. I went through it all and yet there was always so much to be thankful for. Maybe it was the spiritual environment I was surrounded in that made me think so, and yet it was the same environment I was bullied in, so the effects had to be nullified.
I wish the makers of 13 Reasons Why had focussed on acknowledging the feelings and ways of positively fighting the helplessness rather than ending it.
You can think of me as ranting adult or a parent reaching out to you, either way; I want you to understand communication is key. It doesn’t matter what the relationship, they all survive on communication. The day communication ends, that is the death of the relationship too. So regardless of how crazy you think your parents are, keep communicating with them. Notice I say communicate, not talk.
I agree, teens know everything. They are super smart and as parents, we know nothing. So talking rarely happens, but communication can still happen. Use texts, notes, sign language – anything that works, use it. The goal is to let us know that you are there and listening. Please believe us when we say “we are not on your back, rather we got your back.”
It is true, this life is beautiful. It has bright vibrant red’s with melancholy blues and yes sometimes the blues are strong. At times like that, it is important to vent out. There is always a way to vent out. Write a diary, call a hotline, go to the school counsellor, scream at your parents; these are all doable and very acceptable methods to get it out of your system. It is however important to remember that WORDS are powerful. Use them carefully. Don’t use negative words, for they bring out more negativity. As an example disliking something is better than hating something. Choose your words carefully.
It is important to understand that good or bad are all experiences. The good is ours and so is the bad. We can’t blame others for our problems. Every problem comes with a solution, and the truth is, the solution is always there, but the fog over our mind makes the problems seem bigger than they are.
Here’s a little secret – “Keep complaining the problems will always be around you. Stop complaining, they go away.”
Kids, teens and grown up’s alike, think that friends and family are mind readers. We all know we are not. So let’s start communicating with each other and watch these problems go away. Let us share our ideas, our joys, our sorrows and our triumphs. My dear teen, today we all live a life of smiles and likes. We all give an illusion of perfect life. There is nothing like a perfect life, we all have our wars to fight. Your misery is not equal to and should not equal to misery for all. When you cry, do not expect the world to cry with you. Infact, the world will not cry with you. It is in your interest to go to your parents, ask them for some Kleenex and wipe those tears. There is no one as vested in you as your parents, so let them take care of their investment. When everything seems going downhill, find your balance and look around, there are always blessings surrounding us. We just have to look harder.
Growing up seems like a lot of fun, and yes it is, but this fun comes with a ton of responsibilities. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up. You will get your share of experiences and then you will be ready for them. Trying to be a 21 year old at 15 years is not fun. Try and be a kid as long as you can. Enjoy the innocence of your years, don’t be in a hurry to understand why the apple was eaten. Enjoy the taste of soda and juice, because when you are older the doctors will tell you a glass of wine is okay but juice is not, that is the age when alcohol is okay for you. Follow your age and life will be so much simpler.
Most importantly, please remember suicide is but a moment of weakness. It has a lasting impact on your friends and family. You are smart, and the smart get help. A broken heart, a nasty comment, an unpleasant touch, these are all valid reasons to be angry, don’t be ashamed – scream out the anger and let the world know. You are stronger than you know.
Yes, I wrote this blog seemingly like an expert on life, but be assured. I am not. I struggle with a lot of emotions myself, and everyday I remind myself “Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it.”
I wake up every morning saying thank you for another sunrise and the belief that Pronoia is real and true.
To be a mother is a choice, and it’s a choice she makes every time she puts herself aside to see the smiles of her own. She knows they came through her but not for her and yet she lives for them.
What kind of mom are you? The hyper one, or the over dramatic one or are you the famous helicopter mom, oh wait are you the one who is always busy and then you do find time to judge or maybe you are the kind gentle soul who puts everyone before you. It doesn’t matter because today the world celebrates you, The Mom. You get showered and pampered with gifts and hugs galore. Today you are a queen, and the CODES are all correct.
CODES, yes CODES. There are CODES to keep a mom happy and I stumbled upon them while researching on neuroscience. Why neuroscience is a subject for another blogpost, for now, let us focus on the CODES for a happy Mom.
Interestingly enough, most of human behavior comes down to 5 neurochemicals – Cortisol, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Endorphins and Serotonin; collectively and lovingly called CODES.
Cortisol – Your Mom and you don’t want excess of Cortisol. This is a hormone that’s released when the body is stressed.
Oxytocin – lovingly called the cuddle hormone is released with a hug, a kiss and all the goody warm feelings. So yes, both you and your mom need plenty of this.
Dopamine – This is your reward for discovering something new. It could be cooking a new recipe, listening to a new song, and so forth. And yes, we need this too. Discovering keeps life interesting and moving forward.
Endorphins – Endorphins get released after you exercise/or any physical activity. That high you get after running the 5K, yes that’s endorphin high, the good kind of high. We all need the activity to keep our hands and legs moving without aches and pains.
Serotonin – Is the reward for helping others, feeling good about yourself, making a positive impact on another’s life. Generally every time we make an effort to stay in touch with others and get a positive result, we get rewarded with Serotonin. So yes, call your mom often, a text, a phone call, a card, a FaceTime video – anything, just keep in touch with the fellow human beings and most importantly your mom.
She doesn’t need stress, so don’t do anything that is against her values. You can disagree with her, but give her the hug she deserves. Encourage your mom and yourself to try new things. Challenge your inner self and take a step towards a path unknown. The charisma of the unknown will yearn for more and keep you moving forward towards a healthier physical self and finally stay in touch folks, and I mean actually pick up the phone and call your mom, call your friends, call anyone you wish to be in touch with. If they say, they are too busy and forgot to call you, that’s ok, let them be busy because you got your CODES going for yourself and hopefully they will find their CODES too.
Tomorrow we will share stories of what we did on Mother’s day and how special it was. As we share our glories, let us not forget the mother who struggles with infertility or the single mom who worries about tomorrow.
Let us hope they will find their CODES and embrace and celebrate themselves. Let us also hope that our loved ones will remember their CODES and help us bask in the warmth of today.
Today was Happy Mother’s Day. Let the remaining 364 days be Happy You Day.
WOW… 15 years, seems like yesterday, when you were so fragile, so dependent and yet so strong. Every day you defied the conventional and found your own way. Yesterday, what seemed like an intractable adamant behavior is your strength today. This persistence and perseverance will help you chart your path. Thank you for using your strength to break open the box and actually think beyond the box. You and I have screamed at each other, called each other names too, but at the end of the day, we never forgot to say Good Nite and that one moment defines the bond. Let’s always keep it the same.
Today you are 15, and I think old enough to make some life goals. From my experiences on this planet, I recommend two. You may or may not choose them, and that’s okay. However I do hope you use my learnings and experiences of 45 years to make your own judgement calls. The first goal is to believe in Pronoia. Pronoia is the belief that every moment the universe is working to support you and help you live your dreams. The second goal is to “Be Unfuckwithable.” Before you say WTH mom! (in your head only :)), read this carefully. To “Be Unfuckwithable is a state of mind when you are truly at peace and in touch with yourself and no negativity can touch you.
I am still trying to achieve these goals. I am confident you will do a better job at understanding and applying them to your life, than I have been able to. Here are 15 ideas to get you started on your journey. Why 15? Well, because you are 15. Aren’t you glad, I am not writing this on your 21st birthday 🙂 YES, you have to read all of it, please.
It’s your choice and there is always a choice: In your journey from a young adult to an adult, you will find biases, prejudices and times when life just doesn’t seem fair, or you may even come across people who don’t like you for no fault of yours. At this point, you have a choice, you can either take that unfairness and sulk about it OR look life straight in the eye and say “bring it on.” Use that energy to play your best game, so life has no option but to respect you.
Karma: It’s real. Believe it. Your thoughts are your karma. Think positive and try to look for the best in every human being. We are all a product of our own experiences. Those who seem bitter are carrying the baggage of pain and not letting go. Give them time and space to reveal their happy side to you. Until then, keep smiling and think positive. Positive thoughts attract positive energy. There are no mistakes in life. As cliche’ as this sounds, it is true. Every mistake you make, every set back you have, is life’s way of sending you back on the right track. Having said that, it is also true, that there is very little room for mistakes in the grown up world. So, while it is okay to take risks, make them educated risks and do your best to not make silly mistakes.
Never settle for the path of least resistance: The truth is, the more you sweat the luckier you get. There are not short cuts in life.
Attitude: You know that “Attitude is everything.“ Right! From the moment you step onto that court for warm ups to the day you step into a room for your first interview. Your attitude, your body language decides your success. The audience might give you a few minutes to warm up but the world will give you 5 seconds and make a judgement on who you are. So always remember, “Attitude is everything.”
Never take support for granted: There will always be those who believe and support you even in your weakest moments. With time, very often this support becomes a part of our being and we stop paying attention to it. We start focussing on those who push as away. You are a young adult now and it is a good time to remind yourself to be very careful of this mistake that many make.NEVER take those who support and love you for granted. The support of a teacher, the respect of a coach, friends, family as obvious as they may seem, these are privileges denied to many. Always acknowledge and honor these privileges with humility and honesty.
Emotional Intelligence: Unfortunately this is not taught in schools, so here I am to impart this wisdom 🙂 Remember that day, when you lost a IHS challenge match because external factors were affecting your performance. You were angry, upset and you felt like throwing your racket on the floor BUT you did not. Right there, at that moment, you showed a very high level of emotional intelligence. That racket is your partner in tennis. You have the strength, but the racket takes the hit under your direction. Like a faithful friend, that racket swings back and forth with you. Irrespective of the game result, always respect your tools, your partners and your opponents, in both tennis and life.
Success= Humility + Honesty + Hardwork. You can alway Google the equation for a line, but please remember your mom’s equation of success. It is so unique that Google’s algorithm’s will not be able to find it 🙂
You may be winning but…. Just like a 7 – love can become a 7-8 on the courts, In life too, there are curve balls that life throws at us in the most unexpected ways. If you can’t hit some balls back, don’t lose faith in life. Life is just acting smart and testing you.Here’ s another secret, Life only tests those, it knows, are capable of taking on the challenge. The others just get it easy and we call them lucky. So be proud that life chose you for the curve ball.
Always play and keep reading: You know that moment, when your bones are aching and yet you have to muster up all your energy to hit that ball and take home the trophy. That moment when a tiny voice in your head is telling you to shut down, and then there is another tiny voice that is telling you to keep playing hard.The fight between these two tiny voices is life. Playing tennis teaches you grit. Grit will keep you moving forward. Keep reading because there is no problem that someone out there hasn’t written about. It’s reassuring to know that others went through the same treachours path and came out victorious I also highly recommend the book “The Alchemist” by Paul Coehlo.
Boys can cry: There aren’t too many mom’s out there, who will tell their sons this. But today on your 15th birthday, I am telling you – it’s okay for boys to cry. There is nothing weaker than a man who thinks he has to be strong all the time and there is nothing stronger than a man who has the courage to cry. Crying is the human body’s way to press the “reset” button. In moments of sadness, crying helps us unleash the tensions and relax ourselves. In moments of happiness, crying unloads the emotions and allows us to celebrate. When tears flow, let them flow, it simply shows you are human.
Sometimes it’s okay to stay put or even take a step back. Remember that tournament in Manteca, where you made a conscious effort to lose a few points so you can save your energy, strategize and come back stronger to win the tournament. You showed maturity, emotional intelligence and the capability to strategize all within a few seconds. It was beautiful. On the courts, you are out there alone. It’s all you. No one else to blame it on. This makes the victory sweeter too, because it is all you. Life is like that too. Sometimes, we want that extra credit, or the spot on the team, but we have to sit out patiently and wait for the right moment to show our brilliance. Be patient with yourself. When in doubt remember there are no short cuts in life.
Practice makes perfect: The more you play, the better you get. That surprisingly true for everything in life. So never stop practicing. Always remember to “practice like you have never won before, and play like you have never lost before.”
Time: It’s eternal and invisible. But it’s there. Respect Time and Time will respect you back. It’s true. Try it out.
Take care of your heart. Remember you are only one and that makes you precious, so don’t give away your heart away easily and freely.
Be yourself : You are full of life. You are fun. You are smart, You are a wonderful son, an amazing brother, an awesome friend and a stellar human being and yes sometimes You are goofy too. You are You. Don’t change for the world. Just as you are learning the ways of the world, the world too will learn your ways. There is only one you in this world. Celebrate that! Be Unique. Be You.
Happy Birthday Kiddo! 16th birthday may get the glory, 15th is equally special too. You are 15 only once. Make the best of this year. Keep serving life well, because those who serve well, seldom lose.
Daddy, P and I always have your back. We are and will always be your biggest fans.
True to ourselves, this winter break we went off the beaten path again and took a road trip from SFO to Alburqueque, NM.
Why? I say why not. It’s true New Mexico has amazing desert vista’s and magical adobe architecture and communities, but did you know it is also the state where Christmas is served 365 days a year. Come with me and take a road trip to New Mexico. It’s 10 days of Road Tripping, there is a lot to tell you, so be patient, it’s a long post 🙂
When you ask Google Maps for directions, it takes you through the Mojave Desert or US 40, but we had already driven through Mojave in our 2015 exploration to Sedona and Death Valley. So we decided to chart our own route – another advantage of road tripping, you make your own path. Our first stop was SFO – Palm Springs, CA. It’s a good 9 hour drive. So prepare well for it. Mother Nature accompanied us all the way with rain as the winter storm Europa made it’s way into the West. Fortunately we made it safely and took a night halt in Palm Springs. Next morning, a quick breakfast at 8.00am and off we went to Flagstaff, Az.
There is Disneyland and then there is VERMALAND… Somewhere between Palm Springs, CA and Flagstaff, AZ lies VERMALAND 🙂 This is why road trips are the best. One discovers treasures unknown.
Why Flagstaff? Because we wanted to meet Santa Claus at The North Pole Experience. Europa kept following us and as as soon as we entered Flagstaff, we were slammed with snow. Europa kept following us and as as soon as we entered Flagstaff,
The freeways were icing up and the lanes were disappearing in a white blanket of snow. It was beautifully scary. Having lived in Indiana for 13 years, we were used to snow and yet 10 years in California had pampered us. We kept our patience (fringe benefit of road tripping – teaches you to respect the road and the driver ahead of you) did not accelerate and slowly made our way safely to The Little America Hotel – the portal stop for the Santa Trolley. Thankfully we were spending the night in the same hotel, so there was no more driving in snow. After checking into the hotel, we made our way to the Trolley stop.
The elves greeted us with smiles and off we went singing and clapping into The North Pole. You have to visit this place to experience the magic and warmth. For me the best part was when my daughter refused to share the letter with me and when I asked her why. She looked at me and said; Mom, it’s between me and Santa. To see the belief in her eyes was why I came to The North Pole. I wrote a letter to Santa too 🙂 and he granted my wish, the next day the freeways were clear, the kids played a little in the snow and off …. to our final destination, Alburqueque, New Mexico.
Through our drive out of Flagstaff, Az, we were expecting dry roads and desert vistas in New Mexico. But to our surprise, we found snow covered desert vistas in Gallup, NM too. Who knew?
The next 4 hours we all wondered and shared our own theories on why and how it snows in a dry desert place. Geography lessons at its best and before we knew it were checking into our hotel Hilton -Home2Suites, in Alburqueque, NM. The hotel is a simple, clean hotel with a very friendly staff and it had everything we needed including very comfortable beds, a good breakfast and an in -room kitchen. We arrived in Alburquque on Christmas day and it was perfect. We checked in, met family and started planning our adventures. Trip Advisor will give you plenty to do in Alburqueque. I am going to walk you down two of my favorites in the trip.
The cone shaped tent rock formations as Kasha Katwe are a result of volcanic eruptions 6-7 million years ago. A closer look at the top of the tent rocks reveals a “cap” sort of structure, almost as if nature created a lid for the volcanic tent. Pretty unique cap rock formations, we had never seen them before.
The cones start taking shape and curiosity gets the better of us as we continue to walk up the trail.A better view of the snow and cones. PC: Ashok KapurAnd the exploring continues… PC: Ashok Kapur
After spending a good morning at the Kasha Katwe Tent Rocks, we decide to go for lunch to Santa Fe.
Santa Fe, NM:
Santa Fe, a spanish colony established in 1610 and today the capital of New Mexico boasts of Pueblo style architecture and is nation’s 3rd largest art market. True to the spanish colonial style architecture, at the heart of Santa Fe is The Plaza. We leisurely roamed the shopped and had some good Mexican food at The Cafe Plaza. Surprise at the lunch, we found The Sopapilla. Sopapilla originated in Alburqueque, NM some 200 odd years ago. It is a deep friend leavened dough that can be eaten sweet or savory. For the sweet version it is drizzled with honey or syrup.
Which other food item does the Sopapilla remind you of?
Mecca for art lovers, Canyon road hosts galleries of many creative souls. Beyond my price point, I basked in the glory of viewing the galleries from the distance, and then I cam across some amazing doors. Yes doors!
To see the doors of Zanzibar is a bucket list item, however at that moment, I was happy with the doors of Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM.
Once upon a time, long time ago, there were the Native Americans. The original habitants of this land. Then the modern man found them and so started their downfall, but they were strong. They survived and survived with pride. Such is the story of every tribe in the US. We were extremely fortunate and blessed to have met and seen the traditions of the Native American people – The Acomo. The Pueblo Acomo is the oldest continuously habituated Pueblo in North America.The archeologists have found evidence that confirms that the Pueblo has been habituated since 1150A.D. Sitting on top of a 356ft Mesa (Sandstone bluff,) the Pueblo is home to 250 dwellings without electricity and water. The only way to visit this place is via the Sky City Cultural Center, Before you can buy a ticket, the employees (also from Acomo tribe) ensured we put our phones and any cameras in our car. No photography is allowed on top of the Mesa. We found out later via our tour guide, this is to protect the privacy and respect the traditions of The Acomo’s. He said to protect their traditions, there is no written record. They are only passed down through teachings at the Mesa.
I discovered the essence of Feminism at the Pueblo. Acomo’s like many other natives, give the ancestral property rights to the daughters in the family. The women are the life givers and nurturer’s they say, so it is only natural that they should have the authority on the house and the property, after all they take care of it. The guide continued to explain, our women are strong. They are capable of hunting but hunting takes life away. He further explained, nature made women the giver of life, so how can the giver of life, take life away too. It would be opposite to nature, and that’s why the men hunt and women take care of the home and nurture the family.
Why can’t we the modern humans learn to keep life simple? Why must we challenge everything nature gave us and try to decipher nature’s secret code? Humbled by their survival and ashamed at our arrogance, I am thankful for the opportunity to visit their church and see their traditional dances. Watching the dancers sway to the drums of native beats, we were transported to an era centuries ago.
This hand painted piece of sandstone will be a constant reminder of the Pueblo and an era when man lived in peace, an era when man and woman were equals and an era when there was a universal balance.
Some other fun places we went to were The Sandia Peak Tramway, Boca Negra Canyon trails, River of Lights and Old Town, Alburqueque. Some pictures for you to enjoy.
That tiny Pink thing.. is a human being carrying the windsock that blew away in the storm. The guy is trying to put it back on the tower at 8000 ft. Brave soul. Any guesses on what they were trying to tell us?
I love christmas lights. I am more than sure that the reason sun sets early in winter is so we can enjoy the lights longer.There is something magical about seeing the brightly colored lights in the crisp winter air and walking amongst the magic makes even the grinchiest Grinch smile. It’s magic! We walked for about 90 mins and soaked in the warmth. Here are a few memories.. come relive the magic with me.
Old Town Alburqueque : Built in 1706, in the Pueblo Spanish style architecture, Old Town centers around the Plaza. We spent an entire day here gazing and shopping in the 150 unique stores. Thanks to two determined teens and a 8 year old in training, yes, we entered everyone of them. Oh, and after all that walking, treat yourself to some Froyo at Yay! Yogurt.They say No Weigh! at Yay. It’s the best. Memories of Old Town Alburqueque to bring it on your “to visit” list.
And now… before we end our stay in NM, it’s time to answer the Trivia Question:
We learn something new everyday, and at Mary and Tito’s in Alburqueque, NM – I learnt everything in New Mexico starts with Chilie. Always remember it’s Chillie in New Mexico and Chilli is Texas. Red Chillie is simply red hot Chilli peppers ground up with spices and the Green Chillie is made from the fresh green Chillie peppers before they ripen and when served together, you have Christmas. The food was super yummy and the staff was very friendly. This is a family run business and they serve with with love and pride.How is Christmas served 365 days a year in New Mexico?
If you are in a mood to spend good money for a evening full of ambience with good music and food; then I highly recommend El Patron
On the 4th day of our to be 6 day vacation, it was confirmed, that another snow storm was soon to enter the area, so we decided to leave the very next day and escape it. We had seen enough cars turned on their sides to know this was the right thing to do. Day 5 instead of exploring NM further, we escaped and were on our way to Phoenix, Az.
A 7 hour drive from Alburqueque, arrived well in time and decided to just crash in for the night. Movies and some home cooked meals made it for a perfect evening. The next day was a special one, it was New Year’s Eve. We decided to hike to “The Hole in the Rock.”
Looks daunting, but it is a very easy hike. Once in the hole we took our time to admire the beauty around us and then headed over to take a tour of Arizona State Univeristy. It’s a beautiful urban complex.
Next stop, for New Year’s eve – Pizza Place. Oh come on, you know I always find the “different” to see. I was very excited and looking forward to seeing … The Organ Stop Pizza.
You have to see this place to believe it. Combine the sophisticated notes of an organ with the informality and cozy warmth of a scrumptious pizza and you have Organ Stop Pizza. This place is awesome. The whole restaurant comes alive, it is drums, trumpets, chimes, huge pipes and many more instruments, call controlled my one maestro. I have never seen anything like it. It was the best, if you are in Phoenix, you have to go there.
An example of the brilliant music: Frozen at Organ Stop Pizza , And my favorite The Pink Panther I have quite a few pieces that I recorded during the evening of Pink Panther and Star Wars, unfortunately none of the are small enough for my tiny but mighty blogspace, so for now, I am uploading links from YouTube. I hope you enjoy it. If you want to see a real fun video with some fun observations, check out this YouTuber’s piece: Organ Stop Pizza Fun
We capped off the evening with some pool time at the hotel and nice warm meal. A moment as quintesscial and ubiquitous to the world and it happens with the simple countdown. Always amazes me!
Which place does this picture remind you off? Tahoe, CA or Arizona? Believe it or not, this is Arizona.
And this is also Arizona.
January 1st, 2017; We were on the road again, destination Palm Springs, CA. We were excited to meet some friends there and also because we knew we were now on our way home. Before heading home we took an extra day in Palm Springs to go meet Joshua at Joshua Tree National Parks. I have a confession to make, it is an amazing park but after Death Valley, Joshua disappointed me big time. It was now time to drive back home and we could not be happier.
The four of us, a Honda pilot and 2000+ miles of road, we were cramped and yet we had wide open spaces, for; above us were blue skies, stormy skies, rain showers and snow stoppers, deserted lands and miles to go, we talked about something, we talked about nothing, we sat silent, we made memories that we will never forget.
This trip the destination surprised us. It was not we had imagined it to be and yet it was worth it, because it made us marvel again.
So together in 20 years of marriage, we have explored – Ohio, Indiana, Illionois, Kentucky, D.C, Maryland, New York, Florida, Missourie, Maine, Minnestoa, Wisconsin, Colorado, Utah, California, Oregon, Nevada, Alaska, Arizona and in 2016, we explored The Land of the Enchanted – New Mexico. 20 states in 20 years 🙂
2016, so here we are again, standing face to face as we get ready to bid farewell and like every year, I am sitting in the comfy couch watching Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin entertain us as we wait for the ball to drop and welcome 2017. Boring you say? Maybe for you, but for me it is the comfort of my surroundings and family that assures me that no matter what 2017 brings my way, I will survive.
2016, if you know me, you know that I like to reflect and reflect a lot. I am not sure if it is a good thing or not, but this year, I don’t have much to reflect on. There were celebrations,surprises and disappointments, yet I don’t feel like going back the memory lane. And that is weird to me. I have spent the last 24 hours trying to understand why I am not reflecting this 31st December and I think I now know why. I am not reflecting this year, because I have finally understood that you will soon be history and history stays in the past.
In the past years, the reflections allowed me to blame problems of my present on my past and that stopped me from looking into the future, but 2016, I promise you, I will not blame anything on you. 2016, I bid you farewell.
2017, I will welcome you with a new perspective. I will not judge you and I will not get bored of you. If I start getting bored, please give me a friendly reminder so I can pick up the paint brushes and create again. I will continue to dream on your shoulders and I have faith you will carry my dreams gingerly on your robust shoulders. If you find me losing my resilience, help me remember that I am the queen on my kingdom and while I may not have any glass slippers, I have my strength and belief.
2017, we haven’t met but I know you will hold my hand, tutor me and walk with me for the next 365 days. I look forward to this journey together because THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
women? The gamut of answers on my FB should have made it easy for me to write this. All I had to do was summarize and be done. I did that, it didn’t make any sense. The discussions revealed the practice prevails in cultures across the globe for very similar reasons and the two main ones being; man has been considered superior or the woman just accepts it and continues the traditions. As I wrote and read to myself, it didn’t make any sense. There had to be more to this. If this was a practice that annoyed women, then how can women across the globe just let it be? If this was disrespectful, how did woman beyond geographical boundaries and traditions continue this practice for generations? These questions and more made me write and re-write.
know there will always be food that you can make. So the women who feed first are not necessarily losers or timid followers of tradition, it’s quite possible these ladies know what they are doing. They know their strengths and they know their partners weakness and just like the natives recognized the order of nature an found their balance, the women who serve food first and eat later have also found their balance.
and he granted my wish, the next day the freeways were clear, the kids played a little in the snow and off …. to our final destination, Alburqueque, New Mexico.
