Shilpa's

She could not hold back the tears in her eyes. He looked at her and she instantly knew that he recognized her. It was that understanding, that bond, that knowing which goes beyond words. It was the bond between a mother and her son.  He was the first child she had ever held in her hands. And she had waited a good five years for him to come into her world and turn it completely inside out.  

Some of you might remember my post “Promise to Self.” The story of a lost mother trying to understand her child was not a figment of my imagination, it was me and my son.  And yes, he taught me then how to raise him, and he continues to teach me every day on how to be a better parent to him and his sister. 

Now that I look back, I think I knew it since way before I even thought about marriage, that I will have a son. I was in 12th grade, finishing high school (gosh that seems like a life time before :)) when I heard the name for the first time. The name, it stuck with me. I can still remember that moment, upon hearing the name.. it triggered many neurons and connections alike.. and I said to myself, when I get married, if I have a son, this will be his name.  I have always believed, that when we really really want something, all the cosmic forces come together to make it happen. And they did for me too. They blessed me with a beautiful child. The pregnancy with him was easy peesey lemon squeezey. I was a bundle of energy, doing 12-14 hours work days making budgets and grinding those numbers till they made some monetary sense to the management, and still feeling good about myself. I wondered then, why women complaint about being pregnant. Now I am wiser and know better 🙂 

He was a week early and yes very eager to come into his bright loving new world. But no one told me that babies can be colicky. They told me “as long as they are fed, and have a clean diaper, they are happy.” I can now tell you thats a lie. A complete lie.   

Mine was different.  The first night home was nothing short of a crying marathon, it was 5.20am, we finally decided to sleep after 8 hours of non stop rounds of rocking and crying.  But you know what they say, God moves in mysterious ways. He can’t come to all of us for every little problem, so he put people on Earth to help each other.  First thing in the morning, I got a call from a dear friend M, ranted it all out and she listened patiently and said, “it will get better, he’s just a day old, poor baby he must be confused too. And the next thing I know, she came over just because…” What does one do at moments like these, besides thank god for sending friends like such in our lives.  In the evening, another sign; My absolutely wonderful neighbor B. Met her in the evening, rocking the little one and ranting my story again, and trying to fake a smile as proof of how great I felt to be a mom.   She said, don’t worry, its a switch, just hang in there for 10 weeks it will turn off on its own.  A simple reassurance, but it felt great, it made me feel “this is normal, it happens to others too.” 10 weeks at that point seemed like eternity away. But she was right, come 10 weeks, and it was actually a switch. The crying stopped and I no longer dreaded the evening and night hours. 

He was four years old when the dinosaur phase started and for 3 straight years after that, all we did was read books on dinosaurs. He wanted to be a paleontologist and wanted a brother so he could name him Chomper after his favorite dinosaur T-Rex. The dinosaurs will always hold a special place in my family, because he learnt how to write ABC by writing dinosaur names. From Dinosaurs, we moved on to Pokemon, and God bless the one who made Pokemon cards, because we learnt how to read by reading Pokemon cards. Then came Bakugan, we practiced our math with the game points. 

From a 21inch baby he is now a five foot young boy who dreams of going to a good college and becoming an engineer like his dad and also an environmental lawyer. Why a lawyer? Well he figured that out on his own too, he says he likes to argue a lot, so being a lawyer is good profession. And I admire his clarity and thinking. Because at 11 years of age, yes I was living independently in a hostel, but I did not have a clue of what I wanted to do in life. 

He will turn 11 this week. And he wants a super special present. Why? I ask. His answer, “because M, my birthday is the beginning of spring. My birthday is about life. Everything comes alive on my birthday.” And that is true. He is the life of my home. 

As I look forward to the next decade only to realize that its less than a decade he will be on his way to college. A proud and scary moment. As a mother, I think, what should I teach him. Should I teach him how to be a good cook, so he can always feed himself. Should I teach him how to wash his own laundry, so he always has clean clothes to wear or should I simply teach him a little bit of everything.  I decide against all this. 

I am going to tell him that I am always going to be there and watching him in my own special way. Not because I am an over protective helicopter mom, but because a part of him is actually me or is it the other way round and how does one let go of one’s own self?

I want him to know that I have and always will be very proud of him.  

Finding a job is a job in itself. Heard this before. I am sure you have and so have I. However am realizing it only now. As a SAHM of ten years, when I decided to start the job hunt, the first task was to build a resume. Not as easy as it sounds. In fact it was everything but fun. The first round of question was, should I write “being a mom” in the cover letter or not. Tangential but a valid question, should I include “volunteering at school” and all projects completed in the resume or not.  After going back and forth, I decided Yes, I will write that I am a SAHM and an active volunteer at school.  

The second round of business was to identify what kind of job I want to do? With an undergrad in Engineering, a Masters in Finance,  skill for writing and work experience in the budgeting and recruitment, what sector should I target for. Should I go back to budgeting, recruitment or start afresh; chuck all that I know out of the window and acquire new skills, sort of like my flip phone that I proudly replaced with a smart phone.  

Before I could decide what job, which job and find answers to all these questions. It was important for me to understand what the corporate world today looked like. For you see, another angle to this story is the fact that I want to continue being a mom. I still want to be able to drop off and pick up my kids. So that limits it further.  I Googled and read article after article on the changing work force expectations.

Outsourcing was making a full circle and coming back. Industries were now looking for national talent. The work environment today is diverse, continuously evolving and global. It is no longer a traditional work environment. In addition to the basic reading, writing and arithmetic, employers are now also looking for critical thinking, problem solving, resourcefulness, communication, collaborative and creating thinking.  Btw, for the record, these skills are what we SAHM’s excel at. Ok, OK, promise no trumpet blowing ! 🙂 

Resume’s worked when the only form of communication was through the post office. In the days of paper and pen, resume’s helped keep a paper trail. File folders decorated the offices of many companies. as the static data bank companies kept and searched through when a job opening came up. 

The road maybe long, but its always one step at a time. Sometimes its the process of doing it, that is more important than the end result.

Let us fast forward to today, 2013, where IQ, EQ have been joined by SQ: Social Quotient. It’s a world of quotients. Being intelligent and a team player is not enough. One has to have a social presence too. Many companies no longer want a resume, they are hiring interns based on how they tweet to the posed questions.  Browse through this article as an example of the trends changing Tweets, not re’sume’s, are trending.  In addition to this, companies that dare to challenge the norm and cause a paradigm shift are demanding novel add ons’ to the re’sume’s.  For instance, in my recent hunt to look for writing tasks, came across this part time position, More than Re’sume’ (I gave this position a random name, the actual position title can be viewed at the company website) at The Khan Academy.  These are but a few companies hat have harnessed the power of the internet to change the way the world works.

What does all this mean to me? It shows me a golden pot at the end of the rainbow 🙂  I don’t know if I will find a job which will allow me to make significant contributions and also allow me to do all the “mom duties.” But what I do know is that the winds are changing direction. Companies are beginning to realize how under represented the women work force is, they are now making efforts to bring the moms back to work. WSJ recently reported McKinsey tries to recruit Mother’s who left the fold.

All of the above is good news, but coming back to the question we started with, how does one add the dynamic skill set on the resume.  The answer is you can’t. You can write the details on the projects, and how you approached the project and so forth. The changing winds are now demanding that the employers read between the lines and look for employees who can learn, evolve and adapt at the same time.  

So if you are a SAHM like me wanting to go back to work, don’t lose heart, and most importantly, don’t compromise on the scope of work. As a start go ahead, research on any of the posts above and if you succeed, keep me posted. I promise a shout out in your honor on my blog.

Keep searching and the right job role will come. It might take some time, but remember what we tell our kids: Be Patient: Good things happen to those who wait.  This mommy mantra works on grown ups too. 

Enjoy the job search, its one of the joys of full-time motherhood!

The original post for today was a shift from the life themed posts, and an effort to move back into business writing: The flimsy plastic bag. 

Like most eighty three year olds, he too supported his body with a few medicines, however, the mind was young and allowed him to stand tall and proud. He had every reason to be proud for he had raised his family, his grand kids and now had the pride of seeing and raising his great grand kids too. Never once did I see him frown, always a smile and a stately wave.  Last night was different though. Amongst the bright lights of a fire truck and ambulances, his soul left this materialistic world to move on to a happier place.  Met his wife of sixty three years in the morning, she carries forward his legacy of standing tall and proud. She told me it was instant, less than three minutes and it was all over.

I didn’t know what to say. I sat there looking dumb and speechless. Somehow, rhetoric sentences; he’s in a better place, he went peacefully and such seemed meaningless. I sat there looking at her and admiring her composed poise. She had tears and yet managed to ask me how my kids were doing with a smile. Such composure comes only when one has realized a content life and attained a level of freedom that most dream about. 

A few relatives came and respecting their privacy, I offered my help and exited, surprisingly not with a heavy heart, but a reassurance that she will be okay for she continues to be surrounded by life. 

At such moments, often, we wish, if only time had stopped, if only time would return. With the advent of the western calendar we have been trained to think of time as a linear function. Time is anything but linear.  “To stop” would be an antithesis to time.  Time is continuity. Moving on and never stopping is its nature.  

My paternal grandfather taught me, to never ever wish for time to stop.  He said, “just imagine, what would happen to those who were going through a bad time, and time decided to slow down or stop?” He was a wise man. Thank you for teaching me to always wish for time to keep moving so the good times can continue and the bad times can move on to make way for the good times. 

Don’t save that dress for a special occasion, wear it today, for today is the present. Don’t wait for next monday to go to the gym, go today for the “next” monday will always be a week away. Don’t postpone a vacation because you need to save, plan that vacation, memories are built by moments and not money.  Don’t wait for that perfect moment to propose, do it now, so tomorrow you can be together to enjoy life.  Live today. 

He was my neighbor of six years and this is my tribute to him. 

A feeling that is assumed and taken for granted in its infancy, but grows to be a choice.  So, is love a choice? I think so. Be it any relationship, it’s a choice. A choice we make consciously and nurture patiently with kindness, care and affection; the combination is love.  In our lifespan we cross paths with millions, but choose to be friends with a handful.  Once again, even though we meet many who are kind, gentle and caring souls, we choose to bond with a few.  

Romance. Made this painting for a client. It is more than the hearts. It depcits love that spans time, has its ups and downs and yet emerges triumphant, vibrant and alive.

Some relations are given to us and with the right nurturing we always value them. Some we build, and those are, our friends and that significant someone. 

We meet many, and love many, but romance only one. Romance and love are often considered synonyms, however love comes in many forms, romance comes in only one.  In today’s times, love is generic, romance is a brand 🙂  Life, makes us meet many, by choice, we choose who to care for, how we want to care for and how much we want to care for. Once the choice is made, then comes the decision to love and acknowledge it.  To a friend, acknowledgement is helping and being there for them.  To the special one, acknowledgement is not just being there, its also important to say those three little words.  Love without acknowledgement is like a dream without aspirations.  Its one thing to love a person, but to say “I love you” is a whole different ball game. It is this relationship that is the hardest and needs the most work. For it brings out the best in us, it is this love that makes our dreams a reality and yet sometimes hurts the most too. 

An up close look at Romance.

I know what you’re thinking. Since when has love been so logical. It’s supposed to be illogical isn’t it? Love isn’t logical, but we are.   I don’t know if it’s the mind that makes us love or the heart that tells the mind to love. All I know is, when they talk to you; listen to both of them.  You will realize they are two sides of the same coin. They are nature’s watchdog’s that present us with two different scenarios, once again we choose what we want to see and ignore the other, and so starts the cycle of choose, decide and acknowledge all over again.  

He was ready to come, and they were trying hard. And then finally she heard, he’s here, and before she knew it, he was placed on her chest. The instructions were hold him tight, he knows you already. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. He was literally the first child she had ever held in her arms. It was magical. He was her son. It was hard to believe that she had created this living being. A whole human being was thriving in her for nine months and even though they had never met, they knew each other.   

As night came, he cried and the moment she held him, he would stop crying. She said to herself, its a coincidence, how can someone a day old be so smart. How can someone whose brain is still developing recognize a touch? But he did and proved it to her. One night, he was crying, for you see he was colicky, night times were not exactly his favorite. And she had gone down the “to do”list three times, and nothing seemed to work. She put him down on the bed.. and said “what do you want me to do. Tell me, I don’t know this stuff. This is new to me too.” At that moment it happened, for a hair splitting second he stopped crying and their eyes met, at that moment she knew what to do. She laid down on the bed, made him sleep on his chest, covered themselves with a blanket and kissed him good night. 

She knew the doctor would be mad for co-sleeping. She knew the nurse had warned her of kids suffocating to death in grown up beds, but she didn’t care. She was his mother and her instincts could not be wrong.   That night she made a promise to herself, she will take care of her kids and next morning, she quit her job. A job that brought in a handsome 70K. But she did not care. 

Such is the story of many SAHM’s like me. Now when I think about it, its very similar to a suicidal moment. I know you’re thinking .. WTH is she talking about! But seriously, it is that split second of a moment when we take that decision. If someone would stop and hold back, then maybe in a day or two, the decision would be different.  Maybe sanity would kick in.. LOL!  It’s the most rewarding feeling, but comes with a “Groundhog day” life. 

I am not trying to justify or start a debate on the topic of SAHM vs. Working Mom’s. I think we all agree that both situations have their challenges and there is no right or wrong answer to this debate. Its a personal preference, because we are all different.  But I do want to bring forward are the promises that we make to ourselves. 

A fresh out of college student, a newly wed couple, first child, second child, 40th birthday and so forth are all milestones in a typical average Joe or Jane. The priorities and promises we make to ourselves change with us.  And as we keep going, some where along the journey the aspirations and dreams get buried under grocery lists, soccer schedules, doctor appointments and corporate presentations. 

To me that is; Life, it happens.  

Life happens to all of us, but there are a brave few, who either don’t let the aspirations get buried, or take a moment to pause and dig those dreams and aspirations from the rubble of life.  It is these few who dare to walk the path less travelled.  Joe and Jane say they are lucky to live their dreams. Are they?  Are they really luckier? Or are they simply those who took the time and effort everyday to do something, a tiny little task that helped them move closer to their dreams and literally one step at a time, crossed the bridge of life to reach their dreams. 

We all need to pause, and think of what we want to do besides life. Maybe it is to learn a new language, start a business, learn to salsa, or maybe go visit the Swiss Alps.  What ever that dream is, pull it out and make a promise to yourself today, to make it a reality. 

10 years ago, the dream was to see “every first” of my child. Today, that dream stays, and joining it is another dream to make a living. Why? I haven’t quite figured it out yet.  But I do know, the dream has been in the making for a few years and now has taken shape.  

She was a princess born into an otherwise unknown kingdom. Her little home. The walls were a serene white and the only thing in abundance was love. She was showered with love everyday and her eyes sparkled with joy, it was pure innocence.

And then came childhood, full of laughter and playing in the sand and dirt making little castles where her dolls awaited their prince. Through their eyes she dreamt of a prince too. A prince whose hand she would hold and stand tall as she journeyed this world.  She was proud as a peacock and brilliant as an owl.  Her aspirations and dreams knew no bound. Nothing was impossible.

Like a caterpillar she had blossomed into a beautiful vibrant butterfly. She no longer needed the cocoon to protect her. She had travelled the world and seen its beauty. Amongst all the madness, she had found beauty in herself and in her work.  And she continued to dream of the prince.

He was confident and brilliant, just like her. She had found her prince; and soon, they were blessed by the world, to live happily ever after.

And so began a new story, soon they had their little princess and showered the same love and blessings on her.  Slowly but surely, life was now routine and the charisma and magic of young love was over. They were both now parents; trying to juggle and balance life.  

Time no longer stood still as they gazed into the sky, there was now the noise of phone calls, alarm clocks and a little princess who was testing her toddler vocal cords.

The gleam in her eye was replaced by questions, the pride was replaced by doubt and it didn’t matter anymore. And yet she continued to love her prince. But then came the war, and the prince had to leave. He won the war, he was now the king, but had seen newer lands and wasn’t sure which to call home.

She wondered with bewildered eyes where the sands of time would take her.  Her daughter’s smile was her oasis. She silently prayed and hoped for a better tomorrow for herself. And wondered if she will see the clear sky again. 

Such is the story of not one but many women in this world. These are not random thoughts, but thoughts that came to me as I read the different articles on FB, and varied news websites. 

Why doesn’t a woman have a voice? Why is it that a woman considers it her duty to cook for the family? Its an unsaid expectation, that the woman cooks and cleans. And if the man steps up to help, he is considered hen pecked. Who defined these roles and who made them the norm? 

All very poignant questions, I know. But such is the mood today.

Hoping this new year is when we learn to celebrate the being that gave birth to civilizations. For it is true, without a woman there would be no man and no world. 

Hello, its me again 🙂 and so glad to see yo u here.

Its been two months since I started this blog and every post has been from the heart. One of the unsaid benefits of starting the blog has been walking my self through the thoughts and that’s always a good thing.

In the blogging world, there is Wordless Wednesdays – where bloggers post a pic and no writing, there is Philanthropy Fridays – on how to give back. 

I am now starting Music Mondays and Thoughtful Thursdays on my blog.  Maybe these already exists, and if I find other bloggers doing the same, I will post their linky things on this blog too.

Music Mondays – starting off the week right, with a song that has been making me happy and helps me to angrily, grumpily smile through it all.

Thoughtful Thursdays – where I express my thoughts; random, structured, emotional and all.

And I am going to join the others for Wordless Wednesdays. This is where I hope to post the pics of my paintings.

The challenge is not how to find material to write or post, but developing the discipline to be posting regularly and on time.

I am starting this Monday with “Firework” by Katy Perry.  Check out the tab above – Music Mondays.

You are a Firework, just ignite the light.

Cheers!

What a busy weekend.. so much happening and all at one time.

49ers pushed and grappled their way to the Super Bowl Finals. And you’re probably thinking I am a huge sports buff. On the contrary! I understand Tennis, Baseball, Soccer, Cricket.. to the point that I know what’s happening. I don’t particularly follow any athlete, sports person or team. But Football.. I just don’t get.  All I see is a bunch of guys running after this little ball and then falling sometimes in less than 5 seconds. They tell me its a very strategic game, and maybe it is, but I am yet to understand it.  And yes I watch it, to support and be excited for my husband,  and for a friend too.  Like I tell them, I am just excited seeing all the excitement.  And now while everyone waits for the Super Bowl Sunday to see the 49ers and Raven’s wrestle it out, I wait for the half-time to see Beyonce’ perform. 

And for Beyonce’ it must be a feeling of distinct pride to be able to sing at the inauguration today. Such a beautiful voice. I am always jealous of those who can sing.  There are only a few who can say and make a song in the same breath. 

The inauguration today marked yet another era of freedom.  And again I am not huge on politics, but then I watch when it is important.  Important not for politics but because I am always impressed how smooth the transition of power is in this country. How logical and sensible it is.  It is democracy as it should be. It is when we all agree to disagree and move on to make a better world. I am from a country that has cradled civilization for thousands of years and has the proud title of being the worlds largest democracy. Yes it is India. And I am proud of my roots. But there is still a lot to do there. And I am sure, some of you might say, who am I to complain, when I am not even living in India. And you’re right.  But this is not a passing thought, it has been an observation since many years. It has been an admiration and yes, I have learned a lot after coming here. The  best part, it has taught me how to appreciate my own home better.  The inauguration came to an eloquent end with the beautiful first lady in red. She truly personifies the phrase “Behind every successful man is a woman.” She is definitely the wind beneath his wings. 

And last but not the least, I started a painting. Agreed, its not a national news, but its HUGE for me and so the humble mention.  Its yet another Ganesh. This time being made on demand for a friend, I had lost contact with. The connection is now revived. Thank you Facebook!  

The 49ers oblivious of the pain and hardships of the actual 49ers who brought CA into the limelight, played their best, to once again bring San Francisco its glory. The President reaffirms his oath to lead the country to a better tomorrow. Me starting another painting, What does all this have to do with Freedom? Everything.

It is the Freedom gifted to mankind  that allows us to be all we can. The man who taught this nation to look beyond the color of the skin. The man who believed in another one just like him, living thousands of miles away, in another time, and like him was trying to fight for the freedom of his country.   It is he that is celebrated today with the win and the oath. 

Today as we celebrate and say Happy Birthday to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, let us remember to cherish this freedom. MLK or Gandhi, all they wanted was the Freedom to be. 

Coming back to happiness; It’s a state of mind says the intellectual, Its being home with my kids says a mom, it’s the first kiss says a sweet 16, it’s getting everything on your Santa wish list says a kid, its not being sad, its all about food, its living life with vigor says she and he alike.  Trusted always, Webster says its “a state of well being and contentment” or it’s a “pleasurable or satisfying experience.”