Yes, they are a species of their own. The number 13 has always been associated with let’s just say “not so fun” things..and so is it a surprise that as soon as your hugging loving child turns 13, they start pushing you away. They demand independence because they are 13. They say they are adults now. Really? You ask why? They say.. well because I am 13.
When my journey into the teenage world started, I was confident none of the stories would hold true for me. I had after all done the right things, and had a great relationship with my child. The proverbial open book kind of relationship and then it happened..a few new chemicals in the blood stream and boom… they turn into Homoteens – I had no clue about this new species and as I soon discovered, neither does the scientific world, they are only now beginning to research and understand why the Homosapiens evolve into Homoteens. Something about the prefrontal cortex not being developed. Do I really care about it as a mother? Do you care about it?
Don’t get me wrong, the science helps – it helps because it makes us, the parents realize that our child is normal and is going through the expected path of development, and just like the baby Homosapiens don’t come with instructions, neither do the Homoteens. You are pretty much on your own as a parent. When a baby cries, the world sympathizes with the parents, when a homoteen cries, the world mocks the parents and feels sorry for them. Such is the world we live in.
2 years into this and I continue to be amazed at how quickly these kids grow and sneak up on us. These are all brilliant kids doing silly things because its fun. I see boys with the audacity to walk away when their parents are talking and I see girls being feisty and quick to quip back, and then there are some who hide themselves in an imaginary world with their heads bowed constantly and we as parents just stand and watch with our mouths agape wishing that if only they talked to us.
The struggles will always be there, the distractions stay, the priorities dwindle, but life will find a way. The hometeens will stand up again, slowly but steadily. The will become tall, strong adults. Will they choose the pathways their parents designed? Some will and some won’t. Will they be successful? Yes, they will be, but their definition of success may not be an engineering or medical job with a cushy salary and a big house. Their definition of success might be remote working and traveling the world and you as a parent will have to accept that, for that’s how the world is now.
The world has changed. Every industry has gone through a transformation so why should the human being be left behind. Just as the teens are evolving, we the parents will need to evolve too. Teenage is a fairly new concept. 100 years ago this species did not exist. I think we the adults created them … we told them you are 13 now, you are a grown up now and so you should act like one. When the truth is they are not grown ups, science is proving they are not mature to make many decisions and often their judgement is clouded. We then tell the kids ok you are 16 start driving, but you can’t vote yet, then we say ok you can vote, but you can’t drink alcohol because you are not an adult yet. They officially become adults at 21, so why have we created these 4 different stages of in between adults.
Hug your spooky teen no matter how hard they push. Hold them close to your heart when they scream at you. Let them feel the warmth of your body. This warmth soothed them when they became; and it will soothe them today too.
Today its Halloween. When a group of tall, short, spunky, loud spooky homoteens ring the bell, give them candy, don’t wonder how and why the cute costume co-ordinated halloween buckets converted into trash bags and pillow cases, just give them candy and say Happy Halloween.
They are still kids, trying to find their place in this crazy world.
Happy Halloween! Let us celebrate the loving spooky teens and preteens.
