Death is inevitable. It’s a fact. As real as it is, it’s still a tough one to fathom. It cannot and should not be taken lightly and that’s exactly what “13 Reasons Why” does. The movie makes death look simple. It’s not. My summer started with this movie and I have to say my brain is still rattling with questions. Why was this movie made? What was the intent? What is the message in the movie? The movie is about a teen who struggles to solve the jigsaw puzzle of emotions and finally gives up.
I was an introvert teen and having been bullied in middle school myself I am not insensitive to the feelings and emotions. I understand the loneliness, the frustration, the anger and the helplessness. I went through it all and yet there was always so much to be thankful for. Maybe it was the spiritual environment I was surrounded in that made me think so, and yet it was the same environment I was bullied in, so the effects had to be nullified.
I wish the makers of 13 Reasons Why had focussed on acknowledging the feelings and ways of positively fighting the helplessness rather than ending it.
You can think of me as ranting adult or a parent reaching out to you, either way; I want you to understand communication is key. It doesn’t matter what the relationship, they all survive on communication. The day communication ends, that is the death of the relationship too. So regardless of how crazy you think your parents are, keep communicating with them. Notice I say communicate, not talk.
I agree, teens know everything. They are super smart and as parents, we know nothing. So talking rarely happens, but communication can still happen. Use texts, notes, sign language – anything that works, use it. The goal is to let us know that you are there and listening. Please believe us when we say “we are not on your back, rather we got your back.”
It is true, this life is beautiful. It has bright vibrant red’s with melancholy blues and yes sometimes the blues are strong. At times like that, it is important to vent out. There is always a way to vent out. Write a diary, call a hotline, go to the school counsellor, scream at your parents; these are all doable and very acceptable methods to get it out of your system. It is however important to remember that WORDS are powerful. Use them carefully. Don’t use negative words, for they bring out more negativity. As an example disliking something is better than hating something. Choose your words carefully.
It is important to understand that good or bad are all experiences. The good is ours and so is the bad. We can’t blame others for our problems. Every problem comes with a solution, and the truth is, the solution is always there, but the fog over our mind makes the problems seem bigger than they are.
Here’s a little secret – “Keep complaining the problems will always be around you. Stop complaining, they go away.”
Kids, teens and grown up’s alike, think that friends and family are mind readers. We all know we are not. So let’s start communicating with each other and watch these problems go away. Let us share our ideas, our joys, our sorrows and our triumphs. My dear teen, today we all live a life of smiles and likes. We all give an illusion of perfect life. There is nothing like a perfect life, we all have our wars to fight. Your misery is not equal to and should not equal to misery for all. When you cry, do not expect the world to cry with you. Infact, the world will not cry with you. It is in your interest to go to your parents, ask them for some Kleenex and wipe those tears. There is no one as vested in you as your parents, so let them take care of their investment. When everything seems going downhill, find your balance and look around, there are always blessings surrounding us. We just have to look harder.
Growing up seems like a lot of fun, and yes it is, but this fun comes with a ton of responsibilities. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up. You will get your share of experiences and then you will be ready for them. Trying to be a 21 year old at 15 years is not fun. Try and be a kid as long as you can. Enjoy the innocence of your years, don’t be in a hurry to understand why the apple was eaten. Enjoy the taste of soda and juice, because when you are older the doctors will tell you a glass of wine is okay but juice is not, that is the age when alcohol is okay for you. Follow your age and life will be so much simpler.
Most importantly, please remember suicide is but a moment of weakness. It has a lasting impact on your friends and family. You are smart, and the smart get help. A broken heart, a nasty comment, an unpleasant touch, these are all valid reasons to be angry, don’t be ashamed – scream out the anger and let the world know. You are stronger than you know.
Yes, I wrote this blog seemingly like an expert on life, but be assured. I am not. I struggle with a lot of emotions myself, and everyday I remind myself “Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it.”
I wake up every morning saying thank you for another sunrise and the belief that Pronoia is real and true.
To be a mother is a choice, and it’s a choice she makes every time she puts herself aside to see the smiles of her own. She knows they came through her but not for her and yet she lives for them.
What kind of mom are you? The hyper one, or the over dramatic one or are you the famous helicopter mom, oh wait are you the one who is always busy and then you do find time to judge or maybe you are the kind gentle soul who puts everyone before you. It doesn’t matter because today the world celebrates you, The Mom. You get showered and pampered with gifts and hugs galore. Today you are a queen, and the CODES are all correct.
CODES, yes CODES. There are CODES to keep a mom happy and I stumbled upon them while researching on neuroscience. Why neuroscience is a subject for another blogpost, for now, let us focus on the CODES for a happy Mom.
Interestingly enough, most of human behavior comes down to 5 neurochemicals – Cortisol, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Endorphins and Serotonin; collectively and lovingly called CODES.
Cortisol – Your Mom and you don’t want excess of Cortisol. This is a hormone that’s released when the body is stressed.
Oxytocin – lovingly called the cuddle hormone is released with a hug, a kiss and all the goody warm feelings. So yes, both you and your mom need plenty of this.
Dopamine – This is your reward for discovering something new. It could be cooking a new recipe, listening to a new song, and so forth. And yes, we need this too. Discovering keeps life interesting and moving forward.
Endorphins – Endorphins get released after you exercise/or any physical activity. That high you get after running the 5K, yes that’s endorphin high, the good kind of high. We all need the activity to keep our hands and legs moving without aches and pains.
Serotonin – Is the reward for helping others, feeling good about yourself, making a positive impact on another’s life. Generally every time we make an effort to stay in touch with others and get a positive result, we get rewarded with Serotonin. So yes, call your mom often, a text, a phone call, a card, a FaceTime video – anything, just keep in touch with the fellow human beings and most importantly your mom.
She doesn’t need stress, so don’t do anything that is against her values. You can disagree with her, but give her the hug she deserves. Encourage your mom and yourself to try new things. Challenge your inner self and take a step towards a path unknown. The charisma of the unknown will yearn for more and keep you moving forward towards a healthier physical self and finally stay in touch folks, and I mean actually pick up the phone and call your mom, call your friends, call anyone you wish to be in touch with. If they say, they are too busy and forgot to call you, that’s ok, let them be busy because you got your CODES going for yourself and hopefully they will find their CODES too.
Tomorrow we will share stories of what we did on Mother’s day and how special it was. As we share our glories, let us not forget the mother who struggles with infertility or the single mom who worries about tomorrow.
Let us hope they will find their CODES and embrace and celebrate themselves. Let us also hope that our loved ones will remember their CODES and help us bask in the warmth of today.
Today was Happy Mother’s Day. Let the remaining 364 days be Happy You Day.
She was born with them They were the twins on her She saw with them She saw by them And yet she never thought about them twice
They helped her see the guise They helped her keep her disguise They helped her be precise They helped her see the nice And yet she never thought about them twice
Today, she felt a vice She looked at them twice She saw one of them demise She looked at them thrice She knew she had to rise She took advise
She said one twin will be amiss She said we can devise She took her device She gave her an eye for an eye.
Monday, April 3rd, the phrase “An Eye for an Eye” took a new meaning. No longer is it negativity, it is the positivity of the phrase that stays with me. It means to take out the bad vision and give a new eye for a clearer vision. My eye was numbed, my veins were filled with the calming juice and I was actually in a zen stage, calm and peaceful. I wasn’t scared, I was excited and hopeful but I was also nervous. A silent prayer on a repeat button played in my head and I realized, I had never really seen my doctor in focus 🙂 Every time I met her, my vision was blurry and the only thing that I knew clearly about my doc was her confidence and her voice. The nurses came and rolled me in. I heard my doc say, she doesn’t have any allergies and then she patted me on the shoulder and said “you are doing great. you look very calm.” Next thing I know, they wiped my eye clean, wrapped me to hold my hands down, covered my face and she did her magic. All I saw was an Avataar blue liquid swishing around. The numbing medicine was doing great, I could not feel the pain and yet I felt it all.
Laying on the operating table was when my silent prayer was replaced by “An eye for an eye.” I remember smiling to myself and the blogpost took birth. The words guise, disguise, paradise started floating in my head and I did my best to hold on to them. I said good bye to the tired eye and welcomed the new eye. Today, I see my paradise again.
This painting is not a direct EYE.. rather It was my interpretation of
” We can’t see god, but he does exist within us. He exists in the beauty around us.”
This post is dedicated to the two wonderful souls; Dr. Eisley for giving me my vision back and to Mohita (RN) for letting me know she is there and easing all my pre-op jitters. Staying true to Kaiser’s spirit – You helped me THRIVE 🙂
For lack of a better word, I say Thank you but the gratitude and thankfulness goes beyond words can ever express.
WOW… 15 years, seems like yesterday, when you were so fragile, so dependent and yet so strong. Every day you defied the conventional and found your own way. Yesterday, what seemed like an intractable adamant behavior is your strength today. This persistence and perseverance will help you chart your path. Thank you for using your strength to break open the box and actually think beyond the box. You and I have screamed at each other, called each other names too, but at the end of the day, we never forgot to say Good Nite and that one moment defines the bond. Let’s always keep it the same.
Today you are 15, and I think old enough to make some life goals. From my experiences on this planet, I recommend two. You may or may not choose them, and that’s okay. However I do hope you use my learnings and experiences of 45 years to make your own judgement calls. The first goal is to believe in Pronoia. Pronoia is the belief that every moment the universe is working to support you and help you live your dreams. The second goal is to “Be Unfuckwithable.” Before you say WTH mom! (in your head only :)), read this carefully. To “Be Unfuckwithable is a state of mind when you are truly at peace and in touch with yourself and no negativity can touch you.
I am still trying to achieve these goals. I am confident you will do a better job at understanding and applying them to your life, than I have been able to. Here are 15 ideas to get you started on your journey. Why 15? Well, because you are 15. Aren’t you glad, I am not writing this on your 21st birthday 🙂 YES, you have to read all of it, please.
It’s your choice and there is always a choice: In your journey from a young adult to an adult, you will find biases, prejudices and times when life just doesn’t seem fair, or you may even come across people who don’t like you for no fault of yours. At this point, you have a choice, you can either take that unfairness and sulk about it OR look life straight in the eye and say “bring it on.” Use that energy to play your best game, so life has no option but to respect you.
Karma: It’s real. Believe it. Your thoughts are your karma. Think positive and try to look for the best in every human being. We are all a product of our own experiences. Those who seem bitter are carrying the baggage of pain and not letting go. Give them time and space to reveal their happy side to you. Until then, keep smiling and think positive. Positive thoughts attract positive energy. There are no mistakes in life. As cliche’ as this sounds, it is true. Every mistake you make, every set back you have, is life’s way of sending you back on the right track. Having said that, it is also true, that there is very little room for mistakes in the grown up world. So, while it is okay to take risks, make them educated risks and do your best to not make silly mistakes.
Never settle for the path of least resistance: The truth is, the more you sweat the luckier you get. There are not short cuts in life.
Attitude: You know that “Attitude is everything.“ Right! From the moment you step onto that court for warm ups to the day you step into a room for your first interview. Your attitude, your body language decides your success. The audience might give you a few minutes to warm up but the world will give you 5 seconds and make a judgement on who you are. So always remember, “Attitude is everything.”
Never take support for granted: There will always be those who believe and support you even in your weakest moments. With time, very often this support becomes a part of our being and we stop paying attention to it. We start focussing on those who push as away. You are a young adult now and it is a good time to remind yourself to be very careful of this mistake that many make.NEVER take those who support and love you for granted. The support of a teacher, the respect of a coach, friends, family as obvious as they may seem, these are privileges denied to many. Always acknowledge and honor these privileges with humility and honesty.
Emotional Intelligence: Unfortunately this is not taught in schools, so here I am to impart this wisdom 🙂 Remember that day, when you lost a IHS challenge match because external factors were affecting your performance. You were angry, upset and you felt like throwing your racket on the floor BUT you did not. Right there, at that moment, you showed a very high level of emotional intelligence. That racket is your partner in tennis. You have the strength, but the racket takes the hit under your direction. Like a faithful friend, that racket swings back and forth with you. Irrespective of the game result, always respect your tools, your partners and your opponents, in both tennis and life.
Success= Humility + Honesty + Hardwork. You can alway Google the equation for a line, but please remember your mom’s equation of success. It is so unique that Google’s algorithm’s will not be able to find it 🙂
You may be winning but…. Just like a 7 – love can become a 7-8 on the courts, In life too, there are curve balls that life throws at us in the most unexpected ways. If you can’t hit some balls back, don’t lose faith in life. Life is just acting smart and testing you.Here’ s another secret, Life only tests those, it knows, are capable of taking on the challenge. The others just get it easy and we call them lucky. So be proud that life chose you for the curve ball.
Always play and keep reading: You know that moment, when your bones are aching and yet you have to muster up all your energy to hit that ball and take home the trophy. That moment when a tiny voice in your head is telling you to shut down, and then there is another tiny voice that is telling you to keep playing hard.The fight between these two tiny voices is life. Playing tennis teaches you grit. Grit will keep you moving forward. Keep reading because there is no problem that someone out there hasn’t written about. It’s reassuring to know that others went through the same treachours path and came out victorious I also highly recommend the book “The Alchemist” by Paul Coehlo.
Boys can cry: There aren’t too many mom’s out there, who will tell their sons this. But today on your 15th birthday, I am telling you – it’s okay for boys to cry. There is nothing weaker than a man who thinks he has to be strong all the time and there is nothing stronger than a man who has the courage to cry. Crying is the human body’s way to press the “reset” button. In moments of sadness, crying helps us unleash the tensions and relax ourselves. In moments of happiness, crying unloads the emotions and allows us to celebrate. When tears flow, let them flow, it simply shows you are human.
Sometimes it’s okay to stay put or even take a step back. Remember that tournament in Manteca, where you made a conscious effort to lose a few points so you can save your energy, strategize and come back stronger to win the tournament. You showed maturity, emotional intelligence and the capability to strategize all within a few seconds. It was beautiful. On the courts, you are out there alone. It’s all you. No one else to blame it on. This makes the victory sweeter too, because it is all you. Life is like that too. Sometimes, we want that extra credit, or the spot on the team, but we have to sit out patiently and wait for the right moment to show our brilliance. Be patient with yourself. When in doubt remember there are no short cuts in life.
Practice makes perfect: The more you play, the better you get. That surprisingly true for everything in life. So never stop practicing. Always remember to “practice like you have never won before, and play like you have never lost before.”
Time: It’s eternal and invisible. But it’s there. Respect Time and Time will respect you back. It’s true. Try it out.
Take care of your heart. Remember you are only one and that makes you precious, so don’t give away your heart away easily and freely.
Be yourself : You are full of life. You are fun. You are smart, You are a wonderful son, an amazing brother, an awesome friend and a stellar human being and yes sometimes You are goofy too. You are You. Don’t change for the world. Just as you are learning the ways of the world, the world too will learn your ways. There is only one you in this world. Celebrate that! Be Unique. Be You.
Happy Birthday Kiddo! 16th birthday may get the glory, 15th is equally special too. You are 15 only once. Make the best of this year. Keep serving life well, because those who serve well, seldom lose.
Daddy, P and I always have your back. We are and will always be your biggest fans.
True to ourselves, this winter break we went off the beaten path again and took a road trip from SFO to Alburqueque, NM.
Why? I say why not. It’s true New Mexico has amazing desert vista’s and magical adobe architecture and communities, but did you know it is also the state where Christmas is served 365 days a year. Come with me and take a road trip to New Mexico. It’s 10 days of Road Tripping, there is a lot to tell you, so be patient, it’s a long post 🙂
When you ask Google Maps for directions, it takes you through the Mojave Desert or US 40, but we had already driven through Mojave in our 2015 exploration to Sedona and Death Valley. So we decided to chart our own route – another advantage of road tripping, you make your own path. Our first stop was SFO – Palm Springs, CA. It’s a good 9 hour drive. So prepare well for it. Mother Nature accompanied us all the way with rain as the winter storm Europa made it’s way into the West. Fortunately we made it safely and took a night halt in Palm Springs. Next morning, a quick breakfast at 8.00am and off we went to Flagstaff, Az.
There is Disneyland and then there is VERMALAND… Somewhere between Palm Springs, CA and Flagstaff, AZ lies VERMALAND 🙂 This is why road trips are the best. One discovers treasures unknown.
Why Flagstaff? Because we wanted to meet Santa Claus at The North Pole Experience. Europa kept following us and as as soon as we entered Flagstaff, we were slammed with snow. Europa kept following us and as as soon as we entered Flagstaff,
The freeways were icing up and the lanes were disappearing in a white blanket of snow. It was beautifully scary. Having lived in Indiana for 13 years, we were used to snow and yet 10 years in California had pampered us. We kept our patience (fringe benefit of road tripping – teaches you to respect the road and the driver ahead of you) did not accelerate and slowly made our way safely to The Little America Hotel – the portal stop for the Santa Trolley. Thankfully we were spending the night in the same hotel, so there was no more driving in snow. After checking into the hotel, we made our way to the Trolley stop.
The elves greeted us with smiles and off we went singing and clapping into The North Pole. You have to visit this place to experience the magic and warmth. For me the best part was when my daughter refused to share the letter with me and when I asked her why. She looked at me and said; Mom, it’s between me and Santa. To see the belief in her eyes was why I came to The North Pole. I wrote a letter to Santa too 🙂 and he granted my wish, the next day the freeways were clear, the kids played a little in the snow and off …. to our final destination, Alburqueque, New Mexico.
Through our drive out of Flagstaff, Az, we were expecting dry roads and desert vistas in New Mexico. But to our surprise, we found snow covered desert vistas in Gallup, NM too. Who knew?
The next 4 hours we all wondered and shared our own theories on why and how it snows in a dry desert place. Geography lessons at its best and before we knew it were checking into our hotel Hilton -Home2Suites, in Alburqueque, NM. The hotel is a simple, clean hotel with a very friendly staff and it had everything we needed including very comfortable beds, a good breakfast and an in -room kitchen. We arrived in Alburquque on Christmas day and it was perfect. We checked in, met family and started planning our adventures. Trip Advisor will give you plenty to do in Alburqueque. I am going to walk you down two of my favorites in the trip.
The cone shaped tent rock formations as Kasha Katwe are a result of volcanic eruptions 6-7 million years ago. A closer look at the top of the tent rocks reveals a “cap” sort of structure, almost as if nature created a lid for the volcanic tent. Pretty unique cap rock formations, we had never seen them before.
The cones start taking shape and curiosity gets the better of us as we continue to walk up the trail.A better view of the snow and cones. PC: Ashok KapurAnd the exploring continues… PC: Ashok Kapur
After spending a good morning at the Kasha Katwe Tent Rocks, we decide to go for lunch to Santa Fe.
Santa Fe, NM:
Santa Fe, a spanish colony established in 1610 and today the capital of New Mexico boasts of Pueblo style architecture and is nation’s 3rd largest art market. True to the spanish colonial style architecture, at the heart of Santa Fe is The Plaza. We leisurely roamed the shopped and had some good Mexican food at The Cafe Plaza. Surprise at the lunch, we found The Sopapilla. Sopapilla originated in Alburqueque, NM some 200 odd years ago. It is a deep friend leavened dough that can be eaten sweet or savory. For the sweet version it is drizzled with honey or syrup.
Which other food item does the Sopapilla remind you of?
Mecca for art lovers, Canyon road hosts galleries of many creative souls. Beyond my price point, I basked in the glory of viewing the galleries from the distance, and then I cam across some amazing doors. Yes doors!
To see the doors of Zanzibar is a bucket list item, however at that moment, I was happy with the doors of Canyon Road, Santa Fe, NM.
Once upon a time, long time ago, there were the Native Americans. The original habitants of this land. Then the modern man found them and so started their downfall, but they were strong. They survived and survived with pride. Such is the story of every tribe in the US. We were extremely fortunate and blessed to have met and seen the traditions of the Native American people – The Acomo. The Pueblo Acomo is the oldest continuously habituated Pueblo in North America.The archeologists have found evidence that confirms that the Pueblo has been habituated since 1150A.D. Sitting on top of a 356ft Mesa (Sandstone bluff,) the Pueblo is home to 250 dwellings without electricity and water. The only way to visit this place is via the Sky City Cultural Center, Before you can buy a ticket, the employees (also from Acomo tribe) ensured we put our phones and any cameras in our car. No photography is allowed on top of the Mesa. We found out later via our tour guide, this is to protect the privacy and respect the traditions of The Acomo’s. He said to protect their traditions, there is no written record. They are only passed down through teachings at the Mesa.
I discovered the essence of Feminism at the Pueblo. Acomo’s like many other natives, give the ancestral property rights to the daughters in the family. The women are the life givers and nurturer’s they say, so it is only natural that they should have the authority on the house and the property, after all they take care of it. The guide continued to explain, our women are strong. They are capable of hunting but hunting takes life away. He further explained, nature made women the giver of life, so how can the giver of life, take life away too. It would be opposite to nature, and that’s why the men hunt and women take care of the home and nurture the family.
Why can’t we the modern humans learn to keep life simple? Why must we challenge everything nature gave us and try to decipher nature’s secret code? Humbled by their survival and ashamed at our arrogance, I am thankful for the opportunity to visit their church and see their traditional dances. Watching the dancers sway to the drums of native beats, we were transported to an era centuries ago.
This hand painted piece of sandstone will be a constant reminder of the Pueblo and an era when man lived in peace, an era when man and woman were equals and an era when there was a universal balance.
Some other fun places we went to were The Sandia Peak Tramway, Boca Negra Canyon trails, River of Lights and Old Town, Alburqueque. Some pictures for you to enjoy.
That tiny Pink thing.. is a human being carrying the windsock that blew away in the storm. The guy is trying to put it back on the tower at 8000 ft. Brave soul. Any guesses on what they were trying to tell us?
I love christmas lights. I am more than sure that the reason sun sets early in winter is so we can enjoy the lights longer.There is something magical about seeing the brightly colored lights in the crisp winter air and walking amongst the magic makes even the grinchiest Grinch smile. It’s magic! We walked for about 90 mins and soaked in the warmth. Here are a few memories.. come relive the magic with me.
Old Town Alburqueque : Built in 1706, in the Pueblo Spanish style architecture, Old Town centers around the Plaza. We spent an entire day here gazing and shopping in the 150 unique stores. Thanks to two determined teens and a 8 year old in training, yes, we entered everyone of them. Oh, and after all that walking, treat yourself to some Froyo at Yay! Yogurt.They say No Weigh! at Yay. It’s the best. Memories of Old Town Alburqueque to bring it on your “to visit” list.
And now… before we end our stay in NM, it’s time to answer the Trivia Question:
We learn something new everyday, and at Mary and Tito’s in Alburqueque, NM – I learnt everything in New Mexico starts with Chilie. Always remember it’s Chillie in New Mexico and Chilli is Texas. Red Chillie is simply red hot Chilli peppers ground up with spices and the Green Chillie is made from the fresh green Chillie peppers before they ripen and when served together, you have Christmas. The food was super yummy and the staff was very friendly. This is a family run business and they serve with with love and pride.How is Christmas served 365 days a year in New Mexico?
If you are in a mood to spend good money for a evening full of ambience with good music and food; then I highly recommend El Patron
On the 4th day of our to be 6 day vacation, it was confirmed, that another snow storm was soon to enter the area, so we decided to leave the very next day and escape it. We had seen enough cars turned on their sides to know this was the right thing to do. Day 5 instead of exploring NM further, we escaped and were on our way to Phoenix, Az.
A 7 hour drive from Alburqueque, arrived well in time and decided to just crash in for the night. Movies and some home cooked meals made it for a perfect evening. The next day was a special one, it was New Year’s Eve. We decided to hike to “The Hole in the Rock.”
Looks daunting, but it is a very easy hike. Once in the hole we took our time to admire the beauty around us and then headed over to take a tour of Arizona State Univeristy. It’s a beautiful urban complex.
Next stop, for New Year’s eve – Pizza Place. Oh come on, you know I always find the “different” to see. I was very excited and looking forward to seeing … The Organ Stop Pizza.
You have to see this place to believe it. Combine the sophisticated notes of an organ with the informality and cozy warmth of a scrumptious pizza and you have Organ Stop Pizza. This place is awesome. The whole restaurant comes alive, it is drums, trumpets, chimes, huge pipes and many more instruments, call controlled my one maestro. I have never seen anything like it. It was the best, if you are in Phoenix, you have to go there.
An example of the brilliant music: Frozen at Organ Stop Pizza , And my favorite The Pink Panther I have quite a few pieces that I recorded during the evening of Pink Panther and Star Wars, unfortunately none of the are small enough for my tiny but mighty blogspace, so for now, I am uploading links from YouTube. I hope you enjoy it. If you want to see a real fun video with some fun observations, check out this YouTuber’s piece: Organ Stop Pizza Fun
We capped off the evening with some pool time at the hotel and nice warm meal. A moment as quintesscial and ubiquitous to the world and it happens with the simple countdown. Always amazes me!
Which place does this picture remind you off? Tahoe, CA or Arizona? Believe it or not, this is Arizona.
And this is also Arizona.
January 1st, 2017; We were on the road again, destination Palm Springs, CA. We were excited to meet some friends there and also because we knew we were now on our way home. Before heading home we took an extra day in Palm Springs to go meet Joshua at Joshua Tree National Parks. I have a confession to make, it is an amazing park but after Death Valley, Joshua disappointed me big time. It was now time to drive back home and we could not be happier.
The four of us, a Honda pilot and 2000+ miles of road, we were cramped and yet we had wide open spaces, for; above us were blue skies, stormy skies, rain showers and snow stoppers, deserted lands and miles to go, we talked about something, we talked about nothing, we sat silent, we made memories that we will never forget.
This trip the destination surprised us. It was not we had imagined it to be and yet it was worth it, because it made us marvel again.
So together in 20 years of marriage, we have explored – Ohio, Indiana, Illionois, Kentucky, D.C, Maryland, New York, Florida, Missourie, Maine, Minnestoa, Wisconsin, Colorado, Utah, California, Oregon, Nevada, Alaska, Arizona and in 2016, we explored The Land of the Enchanted – New Mexico. 20 states in 20 years 🙂
2016, so here we are again, standing face to face as we get ready to bid farewell and like every year, I am sitting in the comfy couch watching Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin entertain us as we wait for the ball to drop and welcome 2017. Boring you say? Maybe for you, but for me it is the comfort of my surroundings and family that assures me that no matter what 2017 brings my way, I will survive.
2016, if you know me, you know that I like to reflect and reflect a lot. I am not sure if it is a good thing or not, but this year, I don’t have much to reflect on. There were celebrations,surprises and disappointments, yet I don’t feel like going back the memory lane. And that is weird to me. I have spent the last 24 hours trying to understand why I am not reflecting this 31st December and I think I now know why. I am not reflecting this year, because I have finally understood that you will soon be history and history stays in the past.
In the past years, the reflections allowed me to blame problems of my present on my past and that stopped me from looking into the future, but 2016, I promise you, I will not blame anything on you. 2016, I bid you farewell.
2017, I will welcome you with a new perspective. I will not judge you and I will not get bored of you. If I start getting bored, please give me a friendly reminder so I can pick up the paint brushes and create again. I will continue to dream on your shoulders and I have faith you will carry my dreams gingerly on your robust shoulders. If you find me losing my resilience, help me remember that I am the queen on my kingdom and while I may not have any glass slippers, I have my strength and belief.
2017, we haven’t met but I know you will hold my hand, tutor me and walk with me for the next 365 days. I look forward to this journey together because THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
Thirty 3rd graders on a field trip to Coyote Hills Regional Park, I was expecting hiking, tiredness with lots of giggles and laughter. Instead I came back in awe of the Ohlone Indians who understood, respected and explained the essence of womanhood so beautifully. A simple lesson learnt during the field trip gave birth to this blogpost. I look forward to your comments.
Let us go back into an era when urbanization was not a word, an era when we wandered and hunted for food, an era when we made our own houses, weaved our own baskets and lived harmoniously with The Earth. In this primitive era, the natives led a simple life governed by the simplistically complicated notion of the women being the Life Givers and men being the Life Takers. Yes, the men went hunting, not because the women were incapable but because their naive native minds could not understand how a woman that gives birth can take a life. So the task of taking lives, or hunting became a man’s job. It was their belief that nature has made us as we are to keep the balance. Fast forward to the modern 2016, we have lost the meaning of feminism. Feminism in the modern world questions the very essence of womanhood.
What is womanhood? What makes us a woman? Is it our physical bodies that the media is so fixated upon? No of course not. We are more than the big breasts and curvy figures that characterize the beauty of womanhood by the world. We nurture and that is our identity.A woman brings order to chaos, a woman grounds the irrational and the woman anchors the astray. Modern feminism, says men and women are equal. Bar a few anatomical differences, women are identical to men and need identical treatment. In our fight for equality, we agree to become men. We give birth and yet we work hard to learn how to take life, in doing so , we tire ourselves and lose the very essence of our being.
Do we need to label ourselves?
If we believe in the simple fact that every human being, irrespective of gender, race, caste, color, creed, sexual orientation, preferences are all equal, then do we really need to label ourselves? Shouldn’t we all make a conscious effort and become Humanist? If we can do that, then the need to be a feminist goes away, right?
Feminism eludes the common woman.
2016 will go down in history as the year of learning and surprises. November 8th, 2016 the stage was set, the proverbial glass ceiling was about to be broken. We were so close and yet so far. What happened? How did 44% of the women vote for a demagogue who judged, ridiculed and mocked woman of every shape and color? How did this happen in an era where women are leaning in on each other for support and getting stronger? It happened because only the elite are leaning in. The average Jill has no one to lean on. She is the cleaner, the cook, the average day care teacher, the bus driver who gets paid hourly and does not see the might powerful woman helping her. How does one build a feminist movement that appeals to the underpaid and unappreciated?
Accepting the differences will help bridge the gap.
Modern feminism talks about reversing gender roles and ignoring the simple fact that men and women are made differently. We cry for different reasons, we laugh at different reasons, we eat differently, we analyze differently and we love differently. They why are we the women forcing every woman on this planet to believe that yes, there is no difference and if there are differences, it is only because we were raised to think so. Really? Nothing can be more illogical. When a dad refuses to change a diaper, we scorn. When a woman refuses to learn to cook so she can feed herself, we say it’s okay. She is allowed not to cook. Isn’t being able to feed oneself a more primal need than wanting to change a diaper? The sooner we accept that men and women are different, we have different styles that compliment each other, the need to scream “war” goes away.
A woman is her own worst enemy.
Most successful women will tell you stories about that one woman at work who created roadblocks for her. It was her male boss who helped her step over the roadblocks and onto the road to success. Yes, we are more judgmental of our own kind. If every successful woman in the corporate workforce willingly agrees to hold the hand of the “average Jill” and bring her at par, inequality would disappear. We need to stop screaming and actually start to lean in on each other. And I am not talking about leaning in on your own kind, but lean in on those who are not your peers. Lean in to those who don’t have a ladder.
I find myself to be a part of the group that is annoyed at the noise of feminism. Feminism is about promoting the dreams, aspirations and well being of a woman. Modern feminism today is an ideology of the elite, and I am struggling to identify with it. Do I want equality? YES! I DO.. I want equality for my daughter and the million of daughters in this world. I want equality because every human deserves the same opportunity. Do I think it is possible? Yes, it is but it’s an elephantine task. It’s going to need rewriting the history textbooks so they include the Suffragette movement, It is going to need rewriting the science textbooks, so they include Mary Anderson alongside Tesla.
Rewriting history is never a good idea, a better way albeit expensive, would be to abolish the old textbooks and give the kids new books. New books that echo the modern world and its philosophies.
New books that teach kids how to respect the “Human” being and not the woman or man.
Precious is Time, Fill it with Happiness, and retain Appreciation Cherish the Neighbor Celebrate the Kin Remember to Smile
THANKS for everything Happy Thanksgiving!
My question to you today is, what is the one thing you are most thankful for?
For me that one thing is being alive. I am thankful for being alive today. I know it’s one of those “obviously” answers but how many times do we actually say, “thank you for letting me see another sun rise.” I very rarely did, until recently. Nothing matters if we cease to exist; the job, the home, the car, the prized jewelry collections.. . it all goes away the moment we stop breathing.
This thanksgiving, I am slowing down to think about all that I am thankful for. The list below will continue to build, I know; for now it’s a good start….
I am thankful to my Mom for she chose to give life to me. She had a choice.
I am thankful to my dad for giving my mom the freedom to be herself.
I am thankful my parents gave me education. Many born in my times, were denied.
I am thankful we said Yes. He doesn’t surprise me with roses. He does better – makes every wish list come true. From going to Alaska to steam cleaning the carpet – he makes it happen.
I am thankful for loving, annoying, sometimes very annoying kids.
I am thankful they can eat, walk, talk and talk back.
I am thankful for dirty dishes, they have a story to tell.
I am thankful for a messy home, it means the kids are being themselves.
I am thankful my husband helps me wash and fold the piles of laundry.
I am thankful for my art and this blog. The two have kept me sane in some of the darkest moments of my life.
I am thankful YOU are reading this.
I am thankful for being able to be a SAHM for my kids. I always tell my kids, you have the luxury of a SAHM, enjoy it 🙂
I am thankful I found the concept of “volunteering.” Volunteering has made me a better human being and found me the best friendships I have today.
I am thankful to my friends who have patiently waited for me was I found my way through life.
I am thankful I still believe in Santa Claus.
I am thankful I found the word Unfuckwithable and Pronoia – After I understood the meaning and importance of these two words, life became so simple.
Being thankful is not an annual event. Gratitude should be expressed daily. Say thank you for all that is going right in your life. Say thank you for all you have. You could always hope and wish more was happening and there in your life, but never forget, you could also have less.
Say Thank you to Life, so Life knows you are grateful and Life in turn will continue to bless you.
Those who know me, know that I like to reflect and reflect a lot. I strongly believe that we are a product of our own experiences and life gives us plenty of experiences. Life as perfect as it is, is very imperfect too. The imperfections are critical for change. When the imperfections go away, life will become stagnant, until then it is imperative that we enjoy life’s fallibility and learn from it. You don’t need an extra ordinary moment to learn. Our daily interaction with fellow humans, nature and ourselves is a learning experience every moment of the day.
45 years is a long time to be on this planet. I have always enjoyed adding a year to my age for it is a privilege denied to many. Today I am thankful that I woke up to see the love and blessings surrounding me. The past years have been rather interesting. They have tested my patience, my thinking and more importantly my belief in myself. I was one of those who lead a simple daily blessed life. No curve balls, no nothing.. life chugs along just fine, until one final year, life looks at you and says, “Ok, you have had too much good, it is time to throw in some bumps.” Try as hard as I did, I was beginning to lose until one final day, when the human core in me wakes up and says ‘Enough! Bring it on” and just like that, you turn on the will power switch and life backs off and I realized I am me and I am ok.
45 years old and sane on planet Earth. That is an achievement in itself 🙂
My top 5 lessons of 45 years on this planet:
1. Be Unfuckwithable: This is very important. You just have to be one, there is no other option.
2. Belive in Pronoia: It is true. There is power in belief. Believe and the universe will work with you.
3. Travel: In this daily mundane life, we (including me) almost always forget we the humans were designed to be wanderers. And here we are living a stagnant life behind a computer screen. Some of you might have read about my trip to Alaska what most of you don’t know is that this trip was a necessity to start breathing again. When life beats you down, the only way to get up is do something that you have never done before and Alaska was just that. A frontier unlike any other and staying true to it’s promise Alaska allowed me to breathe again. Travel because you want to see the wonderful natural creations, travel so you can be the pirate of your favorite childhood story book, travel so life does not escape you.
4. Relationships need more than love to survive: Love hurts, it’s true. Relationships need constant nurturing. Mother-child, husband-wife, brother-sister and any other relationship needs continuous nurturing. Relationships, ebb and flow through the ocean of life, creating their troughs and crests. The crest may be tall and high and yet we look at the trough and forget the crest. We need to train our brain to focus on the crests and ignore the troughs. The flow of life will minimize the trough.
5. YOU can make a difference: As alone as we are, we have the power to make a difference. I never thought I did, until recently. Our simple acts of kindness can become big acts of fortitude for another.
This blog has been my sanity for many occasions. To stay sane, I had promised myself that I will bring the blog back on my birthday, so here it is. The blog lives.
Life I believe is full of Imperfections. It is these little daily imperfections that culminate at the end of a day to make a perfectly beautiful life. That’s how my world is. It’s filled with shades of bright vibrant reds to melancholy yet calming blues.
Words; the good ones, the bad ones and the forbidden ones, we use them without giving them a second thought. What are words? They are powerful, we know, but when do we start understanding them? It is only when we start listening that we understand the power of words. The act of listening comes to the mature and the aged. The young and restless don’t have time for it.
My random musings about words and how we use them today. We no longer talk, we text. We no longer feel, we emote. We draw bridges and then we don’t have the words to erase them. We are stuck with words while our hearts want to feel.
I am the word for you to love, use me with enmity and I can make you hate. I am the word for you to say a prayer, use me harshly and I can make you fray
I am the word to break down bridges, use me with apathy and I can draw the bridge I am the word to make you happy, use me loudly and I can make you grumpy
I am the word of the wise and bright, I can be mighty I am the word of the intellect, I can be witty I am the word of the ignorant, I can be flighty
I am the word and I no longer speak; I text, I emote I am the word and I am aging I am listening to the changing syllables and phonemes I am the word and my days are limited I am the word and my young ones are fast and furious I am the new word and I can be spurious
Young or old, I am the word; use me wisely. Say me, don’t text me Feel me, don’t emote me
I am your word, let me be in your control Love with me Friend with me Pray with me.
This painting is not a direct EYE.. rather It was my interpretation of
and he granted my wish, the next day the freeways were clear, the kids played a little in the snow and off …. to our final destination, Alburqueque, New Mexico.
For me that one thing is being alive. I am thankful for being alive today. I know it’s one of those “obviously” answers but how many times do we actually say, “thank you for letting me see another sun rise.” I very rarely did, until recently. Nothing matters if we cease to exist; the job, the home, the car, the prized jewelry collections.. . it all goes away the moment we stop breathing.
Today I am thankful that I woke up to see the love and blessings surrounding me. The past years have been rather interesting. They have tested my patience, my thinking and more importantly my belief in myself. I was one of those who lead a simple daily blessed life. No curve balls, no nothing.. life chugs along just fine, until one final year, life looks at you and says, “Ok, you have had too much good, it is time to throw in some bumps.” Try as hard as I did, I was beginning to lose until one final day, when the human core in me wakes up and says ‘Enough! Bring it on” and just like that, you turn on the will power switch and life backs off and I realized I am me and I am ok.
