I have both and they are poles apart. Besides their genetic DNA being the same,there is nothing common between the two. She loves fruit, He does not. He loves milk, She does not. He loves cheese, she does not. She loves yogurt, he does not. He loves sports, she loves reading and the list goes on.
Boys will be boys is ingrained in our adult heads. When the boys can’t sit or stay steady, we always tell them, try to focus, have patience, try it slowly, one step at a time and you will get it OR we simply laugh it off and say, it’s a typical boy style. Failing grades, lack of social skills, naughty behavior, it all gets justified under the phrase “boys will be boys.” If lack of focus is the typical boy style, then how does it not transfer to adult hood? What happens to these hyper boys when they become men. Why is it that the hyper boys who were lagging behind in schools suddenly start dominating the working world to a point that gender inequality becomes a hot political issue.
Makes me wonder is there such thing as “girls will be girls?” Yes, there is and sadly its scarier than the boy counterpart. I looked at my own self and how I “deal” with the differences. Unknowingly, like many parents, I too have been making a serious parenting error. After I read the New York Times article by Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, I was angry at myself for making such a blatant error in parenting.Through our parenting difference, we let the boys know its okay, just focus and you will do better next time. However for our self controlled girls who can follow directions and listen attentively in class, we compliment them on their good behavior and in turn they start associating focus, discipline, perfection with “being good.”This playing it safe and follow the rules translates into highly capable women playing it safe at careers too. We think about consequences of events that have not even occurred and find a safe strategy so that if the worst happens we can “deal” with it. The problem is not boy or girl personality differences, the problem is how we approach those differences.
The grit that boys develop under the freedom of “boys will be boys” umbrella allows them the freedom to speak up for themselves and thus the phrase “it’s a male dominated environment.” The problem is not who is smarter. Research has proven that smart girls and smart boys are not different. The difference is in how they react to a problem. Boys just take it head on in their “boys will be boys” style, girls on the other hand try to find the safe path and thus often feel more frustrated because intellectually they know it’s not the best solution.
What happens to those boys and girls who are exceptions to the rule? Smart girls who dare to be different and would rather shoot a basketball than flaunt a skirt, sometimes have it the worst. Their intellect demands perfection and yet their boyishness creates the need to push the limits. The combination is a less than perfect result which can be very frustrating for the perfect smart girl. But just like the typical boy, the girls here develop grit and learn to fight. It is these girls and later career woman that dare to speak up in a conference room full of men.Smart Boys who tend to follow the rules and play it safe have a hard time too for they get categorized as nerdy and boring. They lack the social interaction and can succumb to the peer pressures of the need of academic excellence as their safe heaven.
Fast forward to teenage and this becomes a bigger problem. A typical “Boys will be boys” umbrella expands to include failing grades and detentions. This umbrella though has failing grades is not judged as harshly, because they are boys and now they are discovering their manhood. The typical “Girls vs. Girls” umbrella expands to include inferiority complexes and an a sense of pseudo narcism. This umbrella is judged harshly. Questions such as what happened to her, why is she developing this sense of self comparison, why is she following and more start creeping into a typical parent conversation.
Both the umbrellas are equally challenging and the solutions are not easy for either. At this point, the parents need to step in with nerves of steel and an unshakeable faith in the child and their upbringing. You cannot convince a boy that the secret to success is good grades and similarly you cannot convince a girl to not pay attention to her physical appearance. The “need” for females to be beautiful maybe superficial but It’s an unsaid expectation of the world. Let us just accept it and stop fighting it. Accepting this need will open doors of communication. Instead of fighting the skirts and crop tops, let them wear it. A few days in the school being dainty will bring in the realization “beauty can be tiresome too.” 13 year old boys consider “shaving” as the all act of manliness. You can try explaining the scientific reason of not starting early, but that “need to shave” to prove a point will only get stronger – so let them shave. They do it for a few times and wish they had listened better.
Personally for me, the parenting curve has been a very steep one. There was a time when I saw my style as a complete failure. To help bring myself back on the right track, I decided to look into the past. Yes, past that is often forgotten can sometimes have amazing insights.
I realized that the attitudes of the teens are nothing more than the tantrums of a toddler.
It’s important to recognize that all the teenage attitude is just a blown up form of toddler tantrums. When they were 3 years old and threw a tantrum in Target. We did not get angry, we patiently talked to them and helped them calm down. Fast forward 10 years, tantrums become attitudes and as parents we have no patience and expect them to behave like adults. They are not adults, they are 13 years old. They still need our help, they still need the rules and they are going to try and push hard to break them, just like the 3 year old who cries hardest hoping mommy and daddy will get tired of the crying and buy the new toy, but mommy and daddy were patient then. They need to be patient now too. The smart phone is like the pacifier, don’t snatch it away. Be patient and they will eventually learn to put it away.
As parents we need to start talking to each other more.We shy away thinking our kids will be judged. Why didn’t we feel so when our babies were toddlers? Why was it okay to share their tantrums then and not now? Remember the parent club that helped you get past the turbo two’s without losing sanity,reconnect with the group. You might be surprised to see how desperate every parent is to talk to another.
Genetics defines our physical appearance and nothing more. Behavior traits are our own. As parents we need to realize that every trait can be improved upon with patience and love.
Hold on to the parenting rope. The tug of war will continue but if as parents unite to understand their needs and differences, chances are we will be able to draw on this tug of war.
You say; forgive and forget, I say how?
You say; travel the world, I say when?
You say; slow down, I say; can’t.
You show me love, I turn away.
You say; love, I say; why?
You say; cherish now, I say; later.
You say; build a home, I build a palace.
You say; play, I say; study.
You say, “I have a plan, believe in me.” I smirk.
You say, “I am the teacher, learn from me.” I say no.
You say, “I will guide you and prepare you for tomorrow, just believe.” I say no.
You say; work hard and play harder. I work harder and forget play.
You say, “I am a reality, experience me. I say, you are a challenge.
You say, ” Keep moving, I have a plan.” I say, show me.
You say; take a challenge, I say; give me routine.
You say; take routine, I say; give me a challenge.
You say; it’s all real, I say no it’s coincidental.
You say, “I am your choice.” I say no you are a coincidence.
You say, “there are no coincidences, for I am your life, your choice.”
I say, “no you are not my choice.”
You say, “I showed you the signs and the path.”
I say, but I did not like them, so I made my own.
You say, that is the choice you made, not my coincidence.
Life, you say you are imperfect. I say, let’s make you perfect.
Life, you shiver at the thought of perfection.
Life, you beg and plead for imperfection.
I wonder why?
Life is real.
Life is full of sadness, true
Life is full of rainbows, also true
Make your choice.
Stop blaming the world for your problems.
Stop complaining about the challenges.
Stop calling life boring and routine.
He was a loyal friend of 20 years and today I lost him. It’s funny how when we lose a precious, we suddenly remember them more. We remember the first meeting, the first dinner, and the first everything. I remember when I first him, it was in a tiny shop in India. The shop was crowded and yet he stood out. Bright, bold and beautiful. We instantly connected and became friends.
It wasn’t easy getting to know him. He was quite a trickster. Whistling was his passion, created quite a mess, and yet he was dependable, got the job done in a fraction of the time and interestingly with energy saving tactics. One day, I decided to dig into his history and was surprised to learn that his ancestors came from France, and here I was thinking he was a hard core Indian. No Sir, he was not. In fact his lineage goes back to David Papin, a physicist in France. As the world grew smaller and it’s people more adventurous, Papin’s creations spread across the world and found home in India. Papin’s creations and India were a match made in heaven. Today while the world has forgotten this lineage, India continues to embrace them and cherish them.
Centuries later and generations after, Papin’s creations have evolved. They are no longer boring clad beings. They are bright shiny, bold and strong with identities of Prestige, they consider Cuisine an art form, have the instincts of a hawk, they are fast and Presto and some even think they are All American.
French, Indian or American, who cares, the bottom line is – he was a good friend and I lost him today.
My dear pressure cooker I will miss you.
You were a part of my wedding ensemble and I paid extra luggage fees to bring you to the U.S.A. Together we have whipped up some crazy and yet delicious recipes. From the potatoes for the tikkis to making kheer; good times and memories for a lifetime. My family never got to know you as well, but I assure you they enjoyed every morsel cooked by you. I will miss you and my heart aches as I try to find a replica. They don’t make you like that anymore. You were unique.
Rest in peace my friend. I hope brighter and shinier horizons await you.
14 years ago, nurse Paula handed him to me, and said “Enjoy him, you have him only for 18 years, make the best of it.” It was the best advise a new mother could have got. The first night home was exhausting. It was tiring and nothing like the books said it would be. The crying, the feeding, the pumping, me feeling like a sleepless cow, and then I decided to break all the rules and allowed him to sleep with me. He slept like a baby. Cuddled on my arm, I was afraid to move. I slept still and looked at his calm angelic face and it was all worth it. Time flew and before I knew it, he’s 14.
I have to admit, between the struggle for nutrition, laundry, which preschool, teaching ABCs, learning about dinosaurs, freaking out on academics like a typical Indian mom, Tae Kwon Do lessons, and life, he grew up. It was that one fateful night, when he slept like a baby and woke up like a young man. His legs grew taller, his features were sharp and his gait was strong. The 2 year toddler who sat outside the swimming pool for 3 hours before he allowed his feet to touch the water, now wanted to climb mountains and go sky diving.
It’s almost as if a switch inside him flipped. The scientific minded call it puberty. I call it a switch, because that’s what it is. It’s a switch that starts feeding the mind with a new stream of hormones and then the chaos starts. The poor brain like the clueless parent does not know what to do with those hormones and the sweet child becomes a teen. The world says “parents raise their kids.” For me, it goes the other way round, my son raised me. Through his feisty fights, he taught me to back off, he taught me that it is his life and so the mistakes are his too. He asked me. “Mom, did you ever get detention or were you ever benched in school. Did you ever break any rule” I said “No.” He said, “no offense, but I think you had a pretty boring childhood.” He taught me that taking risks is an important part of growing up. He reminded me that when he fell from his bike and fractured his wrist, I encouraged him to get back on that bike, so why am I now so afraid of him making mistakes.
Today he is fourteen and I am so PROUD of him.
Today he is not afraid to walk the path less trodden.
Today he may not know all the answers, but is not afraid to say, I don’t know.
Today he makes his own decisions. When he is confused, he asks for advise and wonders what I would do if I was in his situation.
Today, I have learnt to tell him, I am not you. Listen to both your heart and mind and then choose. Either way it can’t be wrong.
Today, yes we still have our arguments, but both of us have learnt to listen a little better and I have finally understood that he is his own man. His dreams are his and not mine. His definition of success is his and not mine. His life is his and not mine. He wants his privacy, cooks for himself, wants to start a job so he can save money for his first car, he has his own joys, sorrows and fears too. He still hugs me, but sometimes he feels awkward and sometimes he falls on me looking for comfort and support.
It took me 14 long years to understand this but I now know my job going forward is to make him fiercely independent. It’s almost as if I need to make myself vanish. You read that right, If I can make myself obsolete, it will be a job well done because isn’t that the final destination of this journey called parenting.
Happy Birthday Kiddo! As you continue your journey towards manhood, always remember:
That it was a woman who gave birth to you, she is dainty and mighty. Respect HER in every shape and size. For if you don’t, you will fail your mother.
To be yourself.Everyone else is taken, so don’t waste your time being someone else.
To save money. For every dollar you earn, save 20cents and spend the rest wisely.
To see the beauty in this world. It is truly a beautiful world. Try to look past those dark spots into the wondrous horizons.
To think for yourself. The world will always try to guide you. Listen to it carefully and then make your own choices. Don’t be afraid to be different. Remember Karma is real. Your choices are your Karma, so always think positive. The universe will then work with and for you to make all your aspirations come true.
To sleep. It’s the best thing you can do for your body. There is enough science to support this.
To ask questions, no matter how obvious the answer maybe to others. There is nothing like a dumb question.
To make friends wherever you are. The returns on this investment will come in later, but start investing now.
To not worry about the “should I? ”
Do things that you want to do and not what you think you should be doing because everyone is doing them.
To talk politely and respectfully. It does not matter who you are talking to, respect and politeness is not an option.
To not let anyone push you around. You can always agree to disagree.
To talk more and text less. I know your generatio talks with texts and emoticons, but we are humans. We are biologically designed to be social animals. So don’t underestimate the importance of actual verbal communication and when you do talk,
always remember to make an eye contact.
Eat healthy and always exercise. Don’t make the mistakes your mom made.
Live YOUR life. Life is too short and a lot of fun. Make the best of it.Your family loves you more than you will ever know. May all your dreams and aspirations always come true.
What does it mean to be a a Woman? Have you ever thought about this simple yet confusing question. I didn’t until today. Today is International Woman’s Day. A day when we celebrate the social, economic, professional successes of women. The day also emphasizes on gender parity both socially and professionally. Being a woman myself and the mother of daughter, it is an empowering day, but the question remains, What does it mean to be a woman?
Am I a woman, because I have the gift to bear a child or am I a woman because nature made me so? Who is a woman? In my quest, I asked this question to 3 different What’s App women group that I am a part of and my hope was to find that one common element that connects us all women, irrespective of our social, marital or professional statuses.
The responses left me with more questions.
Majority of the women who chose to respond, connected being a woman to being a mother and having a family. Audaciously, I asked what about he women who choose not to give birth or those who cannot, what about those women who choose to stay single ; Are they not women? I continued to ask, weren’t we women before we got married or had kids? Biologically, a girl embarks on the journey of womanhood the day she has her first period. Life of innocence as the girl knew, changes after her first menstrual cycle. So, why do we peg womanhood to kids and family? The question remains.
I look around me and I see women in power at the pinnacle of their careers, I see mom’s pushing the stroller and happily smiling without a worry of their career and I see women juggling and shunting between work and school pick ups and driving away to soccer practice. What is the common factor is all these women?
Woman you are a mystery. Are you the one who uses her magnetism to allure or are you the one who feels complete when men flatter? Are you the one who takes pride in giving birth to a civilization or are you the one who stands tall because you nurture a generation? In my opinion, this is where we are confused. This is where feminism goes extreme. We the women call ourselves special and different because we give birth, we nurture, we care, we work and we can do anything that a man can do. True. We the women can. But by defining ourselves as such, we start this never ending game of opposites.
Man and woman were never intended to be supplemental to each other. They were designed by nature to be complimentary. So why are we always gloating at the qualities. Men work hard too, there are many dad’s out there who are just as good as any mom. Sure men can’t give birth, but that’s just anatomy. Isn’t being a woman contradictory enough, then why do we enter this game of opposites in the name of feminism. Today’s feminism talks about choices. The woman say it’s MY CHOICE. Is it? Don’t misunderstand me, I agree 100% with women empowerment, and women empowerment is about letting the woman make her choices however in this global society called “The world” choices can only be made within boundaries. When we the women fight for our rights, we are fundamentally shouting and accepting that we are not equal. Why do we do that? This is a quandary, why don’t we as women respect ourselves, accept that we are powerful just because we are born as women?
I may be an oddity here, but I think in this race for gender parity we have lost our own definition. Being a woman is not about having a career. It is not about being perfect, patient, caring, nurturing, a child bearer, a lover, a mother or a wife. Being a woman is simply about being YOU.
If we want to break through the proverbial glass ceiling and create parity, we first must accept ourselves and unite. We must first become less judgmental of ourselves and ask Woman, are you real? A friend in my XFBF (extended FB family) asked a question, why do we women compliment each other more, while men don’t? Men compliment too, just not the way we do. We, the women call each other hot and sexy. Men compliment each other about the new lawn mower or the outstanding man cave in the basement. Men don’t care about vanity, we do. To me this is nature’s way of balancing things. It’s not about opposites. So this woman’s day, let us stop comparing ourselves to men. Just as women evolve, men evolve too from a being a son, to a brother, a husband and a dad. The difference is they don’t forget themselves, but women in their quest to be the great mystical characters we are portrayed to be, forget themselves. We shouldn’t. It took me 44 years to understand this truth, so if you don’t agree with me, that’s okay. Accept that you are a powerful soul simply because you are woman.
PC: Seema Abhale (An engineer by profession, a photographer by passion and a woman of substance as a whole)
I started this blogpost with the question, what does it mean to be a woman? I went back and looked at my adolescent years, my young adult years and I looked at myself today. The answer was then clear. I was a woman before I met my husband or had kids. I never looked at the men as a reason to find or make myself complete. Sure, the youthful years enjoy an admiration and compliment or two, but that did not define me. On the contrary what made me feel complete was the sisterhood of like minded women. It’s always been about building a commonality and then finding the nurture in it. Maybe that’s why being a full time mom was a no brainer.
Being a woman is to be feminine enough to raise a community and masculine enough to feed it.
California – anytime is the right time. From mild winters to moderate summers the golden state is a vacation paradise. The forests and mountains in the North to the desserts in the South it offers you snow and sand to play with. The state is infamous for it’s high priced themed parks and tourist destinations but with a little planning you can beat the costs for an “off beat’ family vacation sure to envy the friends. Over the years as a family we have re-learned the art of enjoying solo family vacations. Yes it’s a lot of fun to go with friends and family but sometimes it is important to just go on your own and connect with each other. (Note to self, take more pics for the blog)
This list of off “Off Beat” destinations are both family friendly and cost effective.
In the 1880’s the steam engines were used to haul the redwood logs across the country. Today the well-oiled steam engines take you on a 75 minute round trip ride through the majestic redwoods and up the Bear Mountain. The tour includes a guided history by the conductor and also a stop for the perfect picture opportunities. After the tour, you can step out and take a small hike in the Henry Cowell State Park right behind Roaring Camp railroads. Take a picnic basket or buy from their cafe and make it an adventure to remember. Approximately an hour drive from San Francisco International Airport, Roaring Camp Railroads is a good alternative to the crowded Muir woods.
If you LOVE the beach more than Redwoods, they have a train that takes you to the Santa Cruz Board Walk. Check their website for train schedules.
Price: $$
Parking: Extra
Timing: Open Weekdays and Weekends. Weekends offer more value for money with additional kid friendly activities. See online Roaring Camp schedule for specific events and train timings.
Website: www.roaringcamp.com
Address: 5401 Graham Hill Road, Felton, CA
Phone: 831-335-4484
Roaring camp gave you a taste of CA history and now its time to see the wonders of nature in the state. If you are a science enthusiast then you will love this anomaly. Mystery Spot was discovered in 1939 by a group of surveyor’s and opened to the public in 1940 to experience the perplexing phenomenon. It’s where the laws of gravity are disobeyed or is an illusion? The docents take you on a 45-minute tour and boggle your mind. It is an alternative fun inexpensive family friendly place. After this, head over to our next destination only minutes away – the Roaring Camp Railroads.
Price: $ (bookings can be made online)
Parking: Extra
Timings: Monday and Friday: 10:00AM-4:00PM (last tour at 4:05PM)
Saturday-Sunday: 10:00AM-5:00PM (last tour at 5:05PM)
Website: www.mysteryspot.com
Address: 465 Mystery Spot Road, Santa Cruz, CA 95065.
Phone: 831-423-8897
It’s in the mountains, and GPS signal can get lost, it is recommended to see the directions before you leave the city.
TWIN LAKES STATE BEACH: It’s now time to play in the sand. Beat the crowds of Santa Cruz board walk and head on over to Twin Lakes Beach. It provides great views of the Walton Lighthouse and the nearby Schwan Lake is a great for bird watching. It is a super family friendly beach with restrooms and restaurants within walking distance.
Keep your eyes on the water, every so often you will see a pod of dolphins passing by. Grab a picnic lunch and bask in the sun or get a carry out from one of the restaurants near by – either way it’s the perfect way to end a fun day in Santa Cruz.
Parking: $
The street parking requires a permit. So read the signs carefully and park accordingly. Daily permits can be bought too.
Timing: 6.00am to Dusk
Address: East Cliff Drive at 7th Avenue, Near Santa Cruz Harbor, Santa Cruz County
Phone: (831) 427-4868
MARIN COUNTY
Point Reyes Seashore National Preserve is centuries of stories embedded in the headlands, miles of beaches and the calming ocean. We rented a cottage amongst the forests at Cottages at Point Reyes (formerly called Inverness Inn) . It was just the right mix of rugged and modern luxuries. It’s nestled in the forests, so Wifi is on and off, but do you really need Wifi on a family vacation?
The cottages also have a private 8 acre preserve that is perfect for a little stroll with the family or to find a solo corner and connect with nature.
Built in 1870, the lighthouse warned the mariners for over a decade before it was retired from service in 1975. The U.S. Coast guard has since mounted a permanent light there. Point Reyes is the second foggiest place in the North American coastline. To visit Point Reyes Lighthouse, your first stop is the Bear Valley Visitor center. An hour drive from the San Francisco Airport, the visitor center is a good stop to understand the history of the area, talk to the docents and get an understanding of the weather near the light house. It is closed on extremely windy days. The Point Reyes Lighthouse is a 45-minute drive from the Bear Valley Visitor Center. Parking is a little distance from the lighthouse – it’s a 10-15 minute walk. The lighthouse itself can be viewed from the viewing deck but for the breath taking view take the 308 steps down. Beware of the wind as you descend and ascend the steps.
Price: Free
Parking: 10-15 minute walk from the lighthouse
Timings: Friday – Monday: 10.00am to 4.30pm
Closed on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Address: 27000 Sir Francis Drake Blvd, Inverness, CA + 415-669-1534
From in and around the Bear Valley Visitor Center you will find self guided trails to the tectonic mammoth The St. Andreas Fault. The Earthquake trail is a short 0.6mi (1km) paved loop explores St. Andreas fault.
Another fun kid friendly trail is the Kule Loko Trail: A short walk (0.8m/1.3 km) from the visitor center takes you to the recreation of a Coast Miwok Indian Village. Self-interpretative signs allows you to explore at your own pace.
For more challenging trails, visit the National Park Services Page at
There is ample space to have a picnic or you can take a short drive to the tiny town of Point Reyes and explore the quaint little town.
Parking: Free in the Bear Valley Visitor Center parking log
Address: 1 Bear Valley Rd, Point Reyes Station, CA 94956 n m
Phone:(415) 464-5100
Call ahead to schedule any guided tours.
If you decide to skip the walks and trails around the visitor center, drive over to Tomales Point Tule Elk Reserve. “It’s not the destination but the journey” could not be truer for this destination. It’s approximately a 40-minute drive from the Bear Valley visitor center through the beautiful untamed beauty of Point Reyes.
The reserve is a great place to enjoy the wildflowers and see wildlife. It is also the quietest trail in the Point Reyes area. The single trail goes north and is moderate difficulty with mild rolling hills. The trail is well kept in the beginning and as it moves further north, the bushes get a little taller so full sleeves shirts and long pants are a good idea. The views at the end of the trail are worth the hike, and it is also the end of continental US. It’s all ocean after that. Wind and fog can make the hike more challenging, so dress in layers, and take plenty of water. Remember to check with some one at the visitor center or at the entrance of the trail head, so they know you are out there. Wifi and connectivity is not the strongest in wilderness so take all the necessary precautions. The total hike is about 9.5mi (15km)
Total time: 4 to 5 hours
Difficulty: Moderate
Weather: Windy, dress in layers (Not recommended in the rainy season)
Access: Trail is a rolling hill parallel to the ocean so you have spectacular views
Many adventurous families start their day early and see it all in a day and head back home at night. It’s a beautiful area, if you can, I highly recommend spending a night in Point Reyes area, it’s beautiful. The ocean is raw and untamed, yet the headlands are grounding and keep it all together.
SACRAMENTO
Old Town Sacramento: 28 acres on the waterfront are a delight for both the adult and kids in the family. From the history of the American railroad to the first Wells Fargo to cotton candy and gems galore, the old town Sacramento offers a little something for everyone.
The museum is Sacramento’s largest and one of the most popular attractions. Opened in 1976, it is today a 225,000 square feet of exhibit space with beautifully restored locomotives and railroad cars that walk you through the history of American railroads.
There is something about trains and locomotives, it brings back the child in all of us. Walk through the exhibits and transport yourself to the many wonders in this world.
Address: 125 I St, Sacramento, CA (It is located at the corner of 2nd and I street in Old Town Sacramento)
Phone: 916.323.9280
Website: www.csrmf.org
Parking: Public parking is available at the I street for a nominal fee
Museum fees: $
Go back to the future and see how a Wells Fargo bank looked like. This is a historical recreation of a Wells Fargo Agent.
Address: 1000 2nd St, Sacramento, CA Phone: 916.440.4263
Website: www.wellsfargohistory.com/museums/sacramento/
Parking: Short term street parking is available or Public parking is available at the I street for a nominal fee.
Museum fee: Free
Explore Old Town Sacramento: With ample dining and shopping options, one can easily spend a complete day here exploring the quaint shopping stores and dining in the local restaurants. The town also offers buggy rides for the romantic in you or for the more adventures, you can take the train rides too.
If you want to make a reservation ahead of time, you can call one of the companies listed here to guide you: Tours in Old Town Sacramento Or you can wrap up your day in Old Town Sacramento by 1.00pm and then head to the sweetest factory – The Jelly Belly Factory.
The Jelly Belly Factory About an hour drive West from Sacramento is the Jelly Belly Factory. Talk about a kid in the candy store. This is a whole factory of candies that taste from yummy apple flavored candy to gross vomit flavor and the ever inquisitive pizza flavored candies.
The factory offers free factory tours both on weekdays and weekends. The difference, weekdays you can actually see the machines in motion. Yes, tons and tons of Jelly Belly’s being made. On the weekends, the machines are resting. On the weekends, the process is shown via a video monitor. Not as much fun as the real thing, guaranteed.
Their tours are offered from 9.00am to 4.00pm with the exception of Thanksgiving day, Christmas day, New Year day and Easter. The tours depart every 20 minutes and last for 40 minutes. While the wait is never too long, but on popular holidays and especially spring break, the wait can be up to an hour long, so plan on reaching there either super early in the morning or around 2.00pm when the crowd is fading out.
Address: 1 Jelly Belly Lane, Fairfield, CA
Phone: 1-800-9JELLY BELLY
Parking: Free
Tour fee: Free
Café: $$
Candy Shop: $$ (give your kids a budget or you will go from $$ to $$$ very quickly)
NAPA VALLEY
Typically families with little kids avoid Napa because most of the wineries don’t allow kids and that’s sad because what could be better do calm the exhausted parents than a glass of wine. Fair warning, the only thing I know about wines is that they are made; from grapes. So yes, it’s a fancy grape juice, that is aged and preserved till its ready to tingle our taste buds. But that’s no reason to not take a wine tour and understand how a grape evolves into a delicate glass of wine.
My favorite winery to go with kids is The Mumm Napa Winery. The winery has a good balance of informal formalism. They have a free tour and kids are allowed. Their wine tasting ambience is also semi-formal so making it adequate for families with kids. My kids have broken a wine glass or two there and thankfully we were not kicked out.
If you enjoy wines, it might be worth it to ask a friend or family member to baby sit your kids while you make a getaway and sample the different wineries. Most of the better upscale wineries do not allow kids into their wineries.
Our next favorite at Napa is The Petrified Forest. The trees here are a sight to behold. Metaphorically speaking, years have turned these trees into stone, and so the name. Again a super cool fun place for both, the kids and adults alike.
There are two options here: Docent led tour is a 1.5 hour walk around the trail at 11.00am, 1.00pm or 3.00pm. Alternatively you can do the self-guided tour on your own. Oh don’t forget, their gift shop has some interesting gems and treasures too.
Drive around Napa and if you see an interesting local store, stop and take a peak, you might find treasures galore.
If you want to go more elaborate, you can always take the gandola ride at the Sterling Vineyards We have never taken this ride, but I have heard it’s a good one, though a little pricey I think.
I want to say, Calistoga Geyser is another destination, but can’t. It’s didn’t impress anyone of us. So save the money and skip it. Instead when you can go see the Old Faithful at Yellowstone, its alive.
Making a travel journey – long or short has many benefits. For starters you get to see a new place, break out of the daily rut, additionally it is probably the most fun way to truly broaden one’s perspective, understanding of another viewpoint, be empathetic and expand your horizons. So travel as much as you can.
Travel with kids does not have to be expensive, it just needs to be well planned. Give your kids the opportunity to explore this amazing world they live in and see them evolve into beings that love the world.
So next vacation, take the path less travelled on, and you will be surprised to find a treasure cove of stories you want to read again and again.
Born as yourself, you became a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a wife and a mother. You are no longer yourself. You are now a woman. Woman, you are always evolving. You think you are lost, because the evolution keeps changing you. True, you are. There are days, when you miss yourself. Days when you don’t know what your favorite food or color is, because you as pure as the first winter snow have absorbed and taken it all in. They say, evolution is the way of life. Nothing can stop it and yet you want it to stop so you can discover yourself again. But why? Why do you want to discover yourself again? Why not discover this new evolved being? Evolution is not bad, for it gives you a chance to improve again and yet again. You are not stagnant. You are alive for you change every day. You bend, twist and conform to the mold and yet you are supple enough to spring out of the mold when you no longer deemed it fit.
Woman, you love unconditionally. You tore to come into this world. The world applauds you for you are the cradle of civilization. Without you there would be no world and yet, the same world ridicules your decision to feed and not climb the ladder of ambition. You continue to love, ask no questions and love more. You love the parents who held your hand and taught you to stand tall, you love your sister for she is your confidante, you love your brother for he protects you always and you love your friends for they share your tears and smiles alike. You then found a man and you felt complete. You are faithful. Temptation is not your weakness. You are honest and loyal. You fight for your world and make him the king of your little kingdom. You continue to walk hand in hand and you tore yet again to bring life into this world. The world kept evolving and so did you.
Today, as you watch the world go by: Woman, you yearn. You yearn for your friends. You miss the mud puddles, the lunch boxes, the pillion rides, the secret diaries, the hushed whispers, the coy smiles, the side glances and yourself.
Yes, you miss yourself.
Woman, you are smart. “You know the loneliest woman is NOT the woman without a man, but the woman without a close woman friend.” You know you need your sister friends to laugh and cry. You know you need them to sustain. Why did you let them go? You realize that you made time for ambition while your friends waited. They could wait no loner and left you to enjoy the view from atop the ladder. You look down and you see no one. You have everything, and yet you feel you are missing. You take down the old chest and pull out the secret diary. You look at the pictures and the smiles, you pick up your phone and pray someone picks up the phone. The phone rings and you hear a voice. You smile. You are in love again; in love with yourself.
Today, you love your children more. Their questions don’t confuse you. Their needs don’t tire you. Today, you are filled with gratitude for a man who lets you be. He notices the smile and smiles back. Today, you realize you have your friends back in your life. Friends who listen to you for hours, friends who make time for you, friends who scream in joy for your success, friends who giggle at your silly anecdotes on life, friends who tell you it’s going to be okay. Today, the giggles, the smiles, whispers and the diary is back.
Today, you realize your girl friends make you better. They empower you. You promise yourself to never let your friends disappear again.
I am surprised, Disney has not made a movie with Princess Empathy yet. Definitely a blockbuster hit. What do you think?
In a land faraway, there lived a king and queen with their 3 very beautiful daughters – Empathy, Sympathy and Pity. Empathy with her beautiful golden tresses was also blessed with a kind heart. Her heart ached every time a deer got hunted and she ran to comfort the departing soul and held it in her laps. Sympathy was beautiful and kind too. She also cried every time a deer was hunted down, but she understood that man had to eat too. Pretty Pity the youngest and the naughtiest thought she was kind too like her older sisters, for she felt sorry that the deer was not smart enough to outrun the man who hunted him.
Days, weeks, months and years pass away. The princesses are now beautiful, talented young ladies. They are more matured now or not? Empathy, as a child was often called the “cry baby” for she could not see the pain of another and felt compelled to help. Today Empathy feels more matured for she has taught herself to be more like her sister Sympathy. Pity continues to make merry in her merry world.
How did Empathy lose herself to Sympathy? Will Empathy rediscover herself? The real question is can empathy be learnt?
I think it can be learnt because all of us are hard wired for it. While researching this topic, I came across this TED Talk by John Marshall Roberts .Take a coffee break and listen in.
He says, “To empathize” will be the single most important trait to survive in the coming global era. I could not agree more. Look at how the world is changing. We, the selfish humans are evolving. Maybe technology is helping us do it but never the less some one thought of making websites like www.gofundme.com and then many of us choose to donate with a desire to elevate others from difficult situations. That is empathy with a dash of compassion.
Neuroscientists and researchers alike have proven that every time we feel the pain of another, there are fireworks in our brain to say the least. Neurons and pathways unique to that situation are created and over time this process becomes a unique trait to the person. As humans we learn to recognize our own faces from another. When we see another’s misery, a pain is triggered in our heart and mind too. Over this journey called Life, we have trained our minds to focus on ourselves because it is survival of the fittest. I too am guilty of telling my child, “When you are in school, mind your own-self. Don’t get into other peoples problems.” I say this because I know the education system does not reward empathy and has no sympathy. I regret saying it because as a parent, I know I am doing it wrong, but I have to make a choice and like many others take the short sighted and more pragmatic approach.
Empathy gap can be found in every level of relationship at work and our homes. A manager punishing an employee for missing a deadline because her child was sick at home or a child forgetting to call parents because there is nothing new to talk about. The gap is everywhere.
The two easiest ways to learn to empathize in my opinion are:
Listen more: That’s all it takes. Listen. In the modern world, we text and emote with icons. But we are humans not machines. We were made to talk with each other, and when pain comes, the best medicine is “a listening ear.” Just listen. You may not have a solution or an answer and that’s okay.
Try to be another: Ever wondered how some actors give such brilliant performances while there are many other actors who are famous but not brilliant. It’s because the brilliant ones live the life of their character so they can become the character. When an actor loses, gains weight, or lives in slums to understand the life, they are living their character and so their performances are more real than not. This is not an easy feat to accomplish. It is very difficult to walk in another’s skin. Start with your own home. Start empathizing with your own loved ones. Recognize that work can be rough, recognize that home can be hard too, recognize that children are humans and mistakes happen – make your home a welcoming “be yourself” haven for all who come in. This is a reminder to self too.
Empathy is critical for all relationships and as Daniel Goleman pointed years ago, EQ will and continue to define success be at on a personal or professional front. The world is changing and here’s another proof The Empathy Museum, where instead of borrowing a book, you can borrow an individual and learn about their life.
We can all learn to empathize. We are all born with it. Let us re-learn to empathize and teach our children too. If we have to use a weapon, let us make empathy our weapon of choice to create a world without war and terror.
“Can machines think?” The iconic question in Alan Turing’s 1950 paper is the foundation of today’s Artificial Intelligence. Turing was convinced that the human body is nothing but an efficient complex machine. He then went to argue, if the human body is a machine and is programmed naturally to think, emote, empathize and rationalize can a man made machine be designed to do the same? A century later, we now know the answer. Yes, machines can think and recognize emotions too.
The evolution of Artificial Intelligence (AI) has not been about survival of the fittest; instead it has and will continue to be about progression. From the clunky super computer to the Siri of today, AI has come a long way and makes a profound impact on businesses and our daily lives. From Google search to predicting market trends, AI is now an integral part of our daily life and it will soon be a member of our family. You can winch and deny, but it’s true. AI today is no longer limited to the factory workshops but instead is taking on a very friendly face and the era of robotic AI evolving into the era of humanoid robots.
This evolution hasn’t been easy. In 1977, George Lucas boggled our brains with the brilliance of Star Wars and the loyalty and kindness of R2D2. It has taken many failures to achieve this success but R2D2 is now a reality. Just like its ancestor R2D2, the modern social robot can follow directions, read books, take pictures, find recipes, play music, patrol your house, be a personal assistant and now can discern emotions too.
What is amusing is how receptive the world is to the idea of a social robot. If we go back only 16 years to the Y2K era this idea of a connected home might have seemed far fetched, but today when everything from the home thermostat to the security system gives live feedback the concept of a cognitive assistant and a friendly companion seems to the future of today.
The naysayers might envision a dystopia where the robot takes over mankind and pushes us into a Matrix but I see a teacher, a coach, a friend, a nurse, a companion for the elderly and most importantly a helping hand for all things human. Envision a school with social robots. Now imagine a first grade classroom with students learning to read and visualize a child who is struggling to read. A social robot designed to teach kids, can be programmed to be patient, have the best teaching strategies and most importantly will be a neutral entity to the child. A teacher can be intimidating but a robot on the contrary kindles the curious, making it the perfect learning buddy for children. Maybe this is the paradigm shift the broken education system needs.
The evolution has just begun. Social robots like Buddy, Jibo can be argued as semi-personifications of Siri because they do what a smart phone does. Their selling point is the presence of partial emotions. Jibo and Buddy giggle with you, they remind you of events and even help find recipes with a little more sophistication and good conversation whereas the smartphone is faceless. Their price point makes them even more attractive. For example, Buddy is targeted at a sale price of $649/- and Jibo can be pre-ordered for $749/-. At these easy price points, it would seem like a sure shot success but it remains to be seen if they will be a fancy toy for the early adopters or hold their ground till the laggards adopt them. Their only drawback; the social robots lack the human consciousness.
Should the robot mimic the human in appearance and consciousness? One could argue that consciousness is of the soul and not the body, so why does the social robot need a body to have a consciousness. Does it need a heart like organ? Nature articulately blended consciousness, empathy and morality in the humans, giving us the distinct advantage in the animal kingdom. Technology has made it possible for robots to recognize an emotion, but can the same robot feel the emotion too? Can robots empathize? What happens when a robot ages, will there be a robotic shelter where the elderly robots retire? Finding answers to these questions and more is the true challenge now.
Thinking is free and ironically we trust the thoughts or our gadgets more than our own intellect. While this may be amusing it is also the singular hurdle preventing the progression of the humanoids. What will happen if our own create outsmarts us? Can it? Yes it can, for it is programmed to perceive emotions, study our behavior, understand the patterns and respond in the most humane way and could possibly outdo us in our own game.
If intelligence is a spectrum then at one extreme is our belief of a universe beyond ours with extra-terrestrial intelligence and on the other extreme is the future of today; humanoid robots who can think and feel like us. Interestingly, the centrist, the human brain, is developing the extreme ends of the spectrum.
Alan Turing implanted the seed and a century later, we gave birth to the baby social robot. Will this baby mimic its parent or create a better world? It remains to be seen.
their upbringing. You cannot convince a boy that the secret to success is good grades and similarly you cannot convince a girl to not pay attention to her physical appearan
ce. The “need” for females to be beautiful maybe superficial but It’s an unsaid expectation of the world. Let us just accept it and stop fighting it. Accepting this need will open doors of communication. Instead of fighting the skirts and crop tops, let them wear it. A few days in the school being dainty will bring in the realization “beauty can be tiresome too.” 13 year old boys consider “shaving” as the all act of manliness. You can try explaining the scientific reason of not starting early, but that “need to shave” to prove a point will only get stronger – so let them shave. They do it for a few times and wish they had listened better.
