Born as yourself, you became a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a wife and a mother. You are no longer yourself. You are now a woman. Woman, you are always evolving. You think you are lost, because the evolution keeps changing you. True, you are. There are days, when you miss yourself. Days when you don’t know what your favorite food or color is, because you as pure as the first winter snow have absorbed and taken it all in. They say, evolution is the way of life. Nothing can stop it and yet you want it to stop so you can discover yourself again. But why? Why do you want to discover yourself again? Why not discover this new evolved being? Evolution is not bad, for it gives you a chance to improve again and yet again. You are not stagnant. You are alive for you change every day. You bend, twist and conform to the mold and yet you are supple enough to spring out of the mold when you no longer deemed it fit.
Woman, you love unconditionally. You tore to come into this world. The world applauds you for you are the cradle of civilization. Without you there would be no world and yet, the same world ridicules your decision to feed and not climb the ladder of ambition. You continue to love, ask no questions and love more. You love the parents who held your hand and taught you to stand tall, you love your sister for she is your confidante, you love your brother for he protects you always and you love your friends for they share your tears and smiles alike. You then found a man and you felt complete. You are faithful. Temptation is not your weakness. You are honest and loyal. You fight for your world and make him the king of your little kingdom. You continue to walk hand in hand and you tore yet again to bring life into this world. The world kept evolving and so did you.
Today, as you watch the world go by: Woman, you yearn. You yearn for your friends. You miss the mud puddles, the lunch boxes, the pillion rides, the secret diaries, the hushed whispers, the coy smiles, the side glances and yourself.
Yes, you miss yourself.
Woman, you are smart. “You know the loneliest woman is NOT the woman without a man, but the woman without a close woman friend.” You know you need your sister friends to laugh and cry. You know you need them to sustain. Why did you let them go? You realize that you made time for ambition while your friends waited. They could wait no loner and left you to enjoy the view from atop the ladder. You look down and you see no one. You have everything, and yet you feel you are missing. You take down the old chest and pull out the secret diary. You look at the pictures and the smiles, you pick up your phone and pray someone picks up the phone. The phone rings and you hear a voice. You smile. You are in love again; in love with yourself.
Today, you love your children more. Their questions don’t confuse you. Their needs don’t tire you. Today, you are filled with gratitude for a man who lets you be. He notices the smile and smiles back. Today, you realize you have your friends back in your life. Friends who listen to you for hours, friends who make time for you, friends who scream in joy for your success, friends who giggle at your silly anecdotes on life, friends who tell you it’s going to be okay. Today, the giggles, the smiles, whispers and the diary is back.
Today, you realize your girl friends make you better. They empower you. You promise yourself to never let your friends disappear again.
I am surprised, Disney has not made a movie with Princess Empathy yet. Definitely a blockbuster hit. What do you think?
In a land faraway, there lived a king and queen with their 3 very beautiful daughters – Empathy, Sympathy and Pity. Empathy with her beautiful golden tresses was also blessed with a kind heart. Her heart ached every time a deer got hunted and she ran to comfort the departing soul and held it in her laps. Sympathy was beautiful and kind too. She also cried every time a deer was hunted down, but she understood that man had to eat too. Pretty Pity the youngest and the naughtiest thought she was kind too like her older sisters, for she felt sorry that the deer was not smart enough to outrun the man who hunted him.
Days, weeks, months and years pass away. The princesses are now beautiful, talented young ladies. They are more matured now or not? Empathy, as a child was often called the “cry baby” for she could not see the pain of another and felt compelled to help. Today Empathy feels more matured for she has taught herself to be more like her sister Sympathy. Pity continues to make merry in her merry world.
How did Empathy lose herself to Sympathy? Will Empathy rediscover herself? The real question is can empathy be learnt?
I think it can be learnt because all of us are hard wired for it. While researching this topic, I came across this TED Talk by John Marshall Roberts .Take a coffee break and listen in.
He says, “To empathize” will be the single most important trait to survive in the coming global era. I could not agree more. Look at how the world is changing. We, the selfish humans are evolving. Maybe technology is helping us do it but never the less some one thought of making websites like www.gofundme.com and then many of us choose to donate with a desire to elevate others from difficult situations. That is empathy with a dash of compassion.
Neuroscientists and researchers alike have proven that every time we feel the pain of another, there are fireworks in our brain to say the least. Neurons and pathways unique to that situation are created and over time this process becomes a unique trait to the person. As humans we learn to recognize our own faces from another. When we see another’s misery, a pain is triggered in our heart and mind too. Over this journey called Life, we have trained our minds to focus on ourselves because it is survival of the fittest. I too am guilty of telling my child, “When you are in school, mind your own-self. Don’t get into other peoples problems.” I say this because I know the education system does not reward empathy and has no sympathy. I regret saying it because as a parent, I know I am doing it wrong, but I have to make a choice and like many others take the short sighted and more pragmatic approach.
Empathy gap can be found in every level of relationship at work and our homes. A manager punishing an employee for missing a deadline because her child was sick at home or a child forgetting to call parents because there is nothing new to talk about. The gap is everywhere.
The two easiest ways to learn to empathize in my opinion are:
Listen more: That’s all it takes. Listen. In the modern world, we text and emote with icons. But we are humans not machines. We were made to talk with each other, and when pain comes, the best medicine is “a listening ear.” Just listen. You may not have a solution or an answer and that’s okay.
Try to be another: Ever wondered how some actors give such brilliant performances while there are many other actors who are famous but not brilliant. It’s because the brilliant ones live the life of their character so they can become the character. When an actor loses, gains weight, or lives in slums to understand the life, they are living their character and so their performances are more real than not. This is not an easy feat to accomplish. It is very difficult to walk in another’s skin. Start with your own home. Start empathizing with your own loved ones. Recognize that work can be rough, recognize that home can be hard too, recognize that children are humans and mistakes happen – make your home a welcoming “be yourself” haven for all who come in. This is a reminder to self too.
Empathy is critical for all relationships and as Daniel Goleman pointed years ago, EQ will and continue to define success be at on a personal or professional front. The world is changing and here’s another proof The Empathy Museum, where instead of borrowing a book, you can borrow an individual and learn about their life.
We can all learn to empathize. We are all born with it. Let us re-learn to empathize and teach our children too. If we have to use a weapon, let us make empathy our weapon of choice to create a world without war and terror.
“Can machines think?” The iconic question in Alan Turing’s 1950 paper is the foundation of today’s Artificial Intelligence. Turing was convinced that the human body is nothing but an efficient complex machine. He then went to argue, if the human body is a machine and is programmed naturally to think, emote, empathize and rationalize can a man made machine be designed to do the same? A century later, we now know the answer. Yes, machines can think and recognize emotions too.
The evolution of Artificial Intelligence (AI) has not been about survival of the fittest; instead it has and will continue to be about progression. From the clunky super computer to the Siri of today, AI has come a long way and makes a profound impact on businesses and our daily lives. From Google search to predicting market trends, AI is now an integral part of our daily life and it will soon be a member of our family. You can winch and deny, but it’s true. AI today is no longer limited to the factory workshops but instead is taking on a very friendly face and the era of robotic AI evolving into the era of humanoid robots.
This evolution hasn’t been easy. In 1977, George Lucas boggled our brains with the brilliance of Star Wars and the loyalty and kindness of R2D2. It has taken many failures to achieve this success but R2D2 is now a reality. Just like its ancestor R2D2, the modern social robot can follow directions, read books, take pictures, find recipes, play music, patrol your house, be a personal assistant and now can discern emotions too.
What is amusing is how receptive the world is to the idea of a social robot. If we go back only 16 years to the Y2K era this idea of a connected home might have seemed far fetched, but today when everything from the home thermostat to the security system gives live feedback the concept of a cognitive assistant and a friendly companion seems to the future of today.
The naysayers might envision a dystopia where the robot takes over mankind and pushes us into a Matrix but I see a teacher, a coach, a friend, a nurse, a companion for the elderly and most importantly a helping hand for all things human. Envision a school with social robots. Now imagine a first grade classroom with students learning to read and visualize a child who is struggling to read. A social robot designed to teach kids, can be programmed to be patient, have the best teaching strategies and most importantly will be a neutral entity to the child. A teacher can be intimidating but a robot on the contrary kindles the curious, making it the perfect learning buddy for children. Maybe this is the paradigm shift the broken education system needs.
The evolution has just begun. Social robots like Buddy, Jibo can be argued as semi-personifications of Siri because they do what a smart phone does. Their selling point is the presence of partial emotions. Jibo and Buddy giggle with you, they remind you of events and even help find recipes with a little more sophistication and good conversation whereas the smartphone is faceless. Their price point makes them even more attractive. For example, Buddy is targeted at a sale price of $649/- and Jibo can be pre-ordered for $749/-. At these easy price points, it would seem like a sure shot success but it remains to be seen if they will be a fancy toy for the early adopters or hold their ground till the laggards adopt them. Their only drawback; the social robots lack the human consciousness.
Should the robot mimic the human in appearance and consciousness? One could argue that consciousness is of the soul and not the body, so why does the social robot need a body to have a consciousness. Does it need a heart like organ? Nature articulately blended consciousness, empathy and morality in the humans, giving us the distinct advantage in the animal kingdom. Technology has made it possible for robots to recognize an emotion, but can the same robot feel the emotion too? Can robots empathize? What happens when a robot ages, will there be a robotic shelter where the elderly robots retire? Finding answers to these questions and more is the true challenge now.
Thinking is free and ironically we trust the thoughts or our gadgets more than our own intellect. While this may be amusing it is also the singular hurdle preventing the progression of the humanoids. What will happen if our own create outsmarts us? Can it? Yes it can, for it is programmed to perceive emotions, study our behavior, understand the patterns and respond in the most humane way and could possibly outdo us in our own game.
If intelligence is a spectrum then at one extreme is our belief of a universe beyond ours with extra-terrestrial intelligence and on the other extreme is the future of today; humanoid robots who can think and feel like us. Interestingly, the centrist, the human brain, is developing the extreme ends of the spectrum.
Alan Turing implanted the seed and a century later, we gave birth to the baby social robot. Will this baby mimic its parent or create a better world? It remains to be seen.
2015, was a year of adventures; The Last Frontier, Alaska to the desolate Death Valley, we covered the spectrum of life to death.
This winter we took our annual driving trip to Sedona and Death Valley. Our route was SFO, CA – Sedona, AZ (with a night halt in Barstow) – Death Valley, CA – SFO, CA. This was long, but well worth it. Sedona, AZ is beautiful but Death Valley National Park took the award for this trip, so starting with the second half of the journey. Sedona will come later.
The drive to Death Valley National Park is boring, dry and full of desolation. It doesn’t matter which side of the country you enter the park from, it’s just miles and miles and miles of barren land. Nothing, absolutely nothing for miles, then suddenly a travel center and you breath a sigh of relief, refill the gas tank, make a bee line for the restroom, grab your coffee refill and then start driving again. Be careful as you drive into and exit out of Death Valley – Hwy, 190 is a well maintained highway that curves through mountains with 9% grade in certain parts. It has very little signs and no cellular service. Keep paper maps handy.
Death Valley National Park – A overview Map. This saved the day as were driving out of the park.
The drive maybe dry, but the story behind how Death Valley came to be is rather interesting. The Unusual Story of Death Valley centers on the Pacific Coast Borax Company and the 20-mule team. Back in the olden days, when Death Valley was a land untamed for man, some brave souls mined Borax and it was transported via mules. In fact as I heard in Death Valley (I love to talk to the locals – cashier at the general store, the rangers at the visitor center and so forth. Their stories are either their experiences or what their grandparents told them. Definitely more interesting than the internet.), the 20-mule team was a household name in those days. In fact the Borax Company also laid the foundation of Furnace Creek Inn. It wasn’t long before the good folks of Borax Company realized that the travellers were attracted to the desert for its raw beauty and the lore of the mule teams.
The 20 Mule Team Barn at Furnace Creek Ranch – a treat in itself.
They say that “universe works in mysterious ways,” this couldn’t be truer for Death Valley, one event led to another and we fast forward to February 1933, when after years of waiting, Death Valley was officially crowned the Death Valley National Monument. In 1934, the National Congress gave it the park status. Today, Death Valley is 3.4 million acres of stark, powerful and impressive landscape that attracts over 1 million visitors annually for its clear starry nights, craters, sand dunes, fault lines and snow.
It took us 6.5 hours to drive from Sedona to Death Valley. We wanted to stop midway to see Hoover dam, but after seeing the 3 exit long line, we changed our plans, because we wanted to reach DV before sunset. DV takes pride in its night sky, so there are no lights whatsoever on the way to the park or inside the park roadways. It’s just you, your car headlights and maybe a car light in your rear view mirror. Word of advise, if you go to Death Valley National Park, please plan on reaching there before sunset. It’s not dangerous but the silence can be eerie in the still of a dark night.
After driving for miles with no one in sight, it was a relief to see this sign. Excitedly we took our turn and were very pleasantly surprised to find our resort way beyond our expectations. Xanterra is the company behind Furnace Creek . They have two properties, the absolutely beautiful Furnace Creek Inn that charges a little too much I think, but then the views from the location are stunning and you pay for that OR you can try the common man Furnace creek Ranch (where we stayed) for about $200 per night for the deluxe rooms. The rooms are nice, clean, come with the standard amenities and 2 queen beds, but the money is for the French doors that open into a patio and a common green grass area. It’s walking distance from the play area; pool, tennis courts and they have fire for those cold desert evenings. The Ranch has 3 restaurants on site and that’s a blessing after a long day of hiking and walking OR you can get creative and take little rice cooker with you. We were blessed to have friends who treated us to some delicious food every evening J the property also has a RV park and camping grounds for the more adventurous souls.
Furnace Creek Inn – Beautiful propertyFurnace Creek Ranch – An excellent family friendly Oasis. Very nice rooms and the patio opening into the open grass area with fire pits was perfect.This is the inside of the Furnace Creek Ranch – a mini oasis indeed.
Day 1 in Death Valley started with a visit to the Furnace Creek Visitors center. As a general rule, every time we visit a non-commercialized national park, the visitors center is a must stop. The rangers are extremely helpful and give good advise on the must see and do hikes.
We were there for 2 days and since we were sure we wanted to be back at sunset, the plan for us was:
Day 1:
Ubehebe Crater, Sand Dunes, Zabrinski Point,
Day 2:
Artist Drive, Badwater Salt Flats, Natural Bridge and Dante’s peak.
The bummer – no Scotty’s Castle and Golden Canyon hiking. They both were closed due to flash floods. Good news for you, Spring 2016, the dead lifeless rocks will come alive with an abundance of wildflowers. It’s going to be a riot of colors.
We started on our journey. Ubehebe crater is about an hour drive from Furnace Creek. It’s an easy no car in sight route J Just make sure to follow the signs and stay away from areas that are zoned out.
Ubehebe Crater:
The crater is 600ft deep and ½ a mile across. A maar crater, the steam and gas explosions created it as the hot magma heated and all the steam gushed out. The rim of the crater can be viewed from the parking lot and the view is absolutely breathtaking. More than anything, it is the empty vastness that boggles ones mind. You can hike the rim or go down 600ft and experience the solitude and magnitude of the crater. Walking down the crater is moderately easy. There is a marked trail, however loose gravel and gravity can cause a slip or two, so be careful. Walking back up is exhausting and can be tiring. Walking the rim is again moderately easy for the most part. There is loose gravel and a little climb, which makes it tricky. If you get tired, take breaks and walk at your own pace. Once you reach the Little Hebe crater, pause and just breathe. Sit down and soak in the calm and peace. It’s a circular 1.5-mile walk around the rim, so regardless of which direction you go; you will end up at the parking lot. The rim walk goes through many other smaller craters.
Part of our troop did the Little Hebe walk and part when 600 ft. down into the crater. Once both groups were back, we took our photos and headed to the Mesquite sand dunes.
The Ubehebe Crater. PC: Ansh Verma
Mesquite Sand Dunes:
A desert is any place with less than 250mm of annual rainfall and you know there are cold deserts such as Antarctica and hot deserts like Death Valley. Regardless of the kind of desert, one look at the sand dunes, and I realized how tiny I was and even tinier was my footprint.
What is the first thing that comes to your mind, when you hear the phrase. “Walking on sand,” Beach, right? Of course, we always associate sand with beach, when there is so much more of it in the desert. I wonder why and then I started walking on the sand dunes and understood. When we walk on the beach, the sand is cool and sort of tickles our feet and the child in us comes alive. When we walk on the sand dunes, it isn’t the tall sand dunes that daunt us; it’s that tiny sand grain in our shoes that bothers us J
A Pano of the Mesquite Sand Dunes PC: Ansh VermaThe mountains in the far back change colors constantly as the sun sets. It was gorgeous.The Teens wandering off to the farthest corners and the rest of us scattered all over the dunes.And we leave our foot prints behind. PC: Ansh Verma
All of us did our little adventure here, the teens wandered off to the tallest and farthest sand dunes, the younger kids, tried to keep up and then decided to roll and play, and us adults, we walked as far as we could and then went on our photo rampage. Somewhere in between I realized it’s been an hour since the two teen boys left and haven’t come back. My continuous cribbing forced my husband and our friends to walk beyond and look for them. We found them and then of course I got the “over protective” mom look. In vain, I tried to explain the difference between an over protective and a cautious mom. All in all, it was a good day. We took some awesome pictures and headed to Zabrinski Point.
Zabrinskie Point: Is an overlook. Boring? It is quite the contrary. The elevated overlook, just a few miles east of Furnace Creek on Hwy 190, is a photographer’s paradise. Best viewed at sunrise or sunset, it makes for some stunning photographs and un-paralled views of the badlands. I’ll let the pictures do the talking here.
The Sunset Sky at Zabrinskie Point.. And he walked alone to explore and make his own way.Birds of the same feather flock together. These are dead lifeless rocks and yet they are so alive. The colors were breathtaking.It took nature centuries to create this imperfectly perfect landscape. As the sunsets, the eerie nature of the rocks starts creeping in. PC: Sangeeta Srivastava
Back at the resort, our friends treated us to delicious biryani by the fire pit. As a special treat, we did some night sky watching too. So ended a perfectly perfect day.
The Fire demanding respect.We saw him and more constellations. So much for all the progress we have made.. one has to go away, very far away to see stars.
Day 2: Artist Drive, Badwater Salt flats, Natural Bridge and Dante’s Peak.
Artist Drive: I was excited to see this. I had read some good and some okay reviews but either way, just the name intrigued me. It’s on the way to Badwater Salt Flats, and again, it’s just you and the desert. We were lucky to have friends with us, but if you go solo, it is you, your car and the desert. Don’t let that intimidate you. Learning to enjoy your own company is a life skill. The drive is an easy loop. It’s called Artist Drive because there are a variety of colors in the formations. The pictures are self-explanatory. The drive also makes an excellent stop for “sitting on the road” photos.
The Artist Drive.Oxidization Heaven 🙂Great drive to sit down in the middle of the road and soak it all in. There are a few cars around, so have someone watching out for you 🙂This particular spot is called the “Artist’s Palette,” for obvious reasons.
Badwater Salt Flats: This is the lowest point in Death Valley. It is 86meters below sea level with miles and miles of table salt J Yes, it is mostly sodium chloride and as we were driving to it, I understood what the word “mirage” means. On a bright sunny day, it looks like a pool of water. Why go to Bohemia, when you can see them right here in the USA, though I have heard that the Bohemia Salt Flats are just WOW. Many couples choose it as the backdrop for their wedding photos. Backdrop or not, Death Valley Badwater Basin Salt Flats should be included in your “to see” list
See that tiny white dot in the mountains – That’s the where the sea level is. You can see the parking lot below.The crusted salt.It is an ocean of salt.. miles and miles of it.
Natural Bridge: On our way back, we took a short detour to Natural Bridge. It’s an unpaved road to the parking lot and then you hike for a mile to a that rock formation that looks like a bridge. It’s a short hike on gravel, relatively easy, but take water with you.
We saw a flower blocking at the Natural Bridge parking lot. Survival of the fittest 🙂
By now, it was post lunch and we were hungry. We headed back to our resort only 20 mins away and had lunch. The kids decided to unwind, and found their way to the tennis courts at the resort. As the day was ending and our little one was “exhausted,” we chose to stay back and watch the 4 kids, while our friends made their way to Dante’s View.
Dante’s View: Directly above the Badwater Basin, it is the highest point in the park. At approx. 5,000 feet it has seen a fair share of snow this year and the local folks of Death Valley are looking forward to the flowers. The photos are courtesy our friends.
All that salt or snow ? PC: Sangeeta SrivastavaGORGEOUS. PC: Sangeeta Srivastava
And so ended our two day stay in Death Valley.
Death Valley National Park, CA should definitely be one of your bucket list items.If the pictures above did not excite you enough, then maybe knowing that Star Wars IV – A New Hope was filmed in Death Valley, will intrigue you to go see it. Blogger Steve Hall shows you how and where. Still not convinced, here are 3 more facts so you can start planning your Death Valley vacation.
South of Alaska, it is the biggest national park.
Badwater Basin is the lowest point below sea level in North America and just 15 miles from it is Telescope Peak at 11,049 feet and the sheer drop makes Grand Canyon look shallow.
The area was named by a woman in 1849. This is another interesting story. One brave group of miners trying to reach CA, during the gold rush decided to take a short cut via Death Valley only to realize that there was no vegetation or water for either the animals or themselves. Slowly they perished and as the remaining were exiting the park, one woman looked back and said “Good Bye, Death Valley.” The name has since stayed.
Death Valley is beautiful and dangerous. Its enormity mocks the petite human and yet its is grandeur allures us to walk straight into its badlands. “The Force” was definitely with us and we made it safely back home, with a fleeting feeling that yes, we will be back.
It’s time to say good-bye. Tonight the world will celebrate your departure with a drink, a dance, a kiss, a movie and just a chilled out evening. Either way it will be celebration that ends with a loud shout out of “HAPPY NEW YEAR.” Tomorrow we will welcome 2016 with open arms.
Tonight, I sit surrounded by love and joy reflecting on the year almost gone. 2015, every year, I wonder why do we wait till the end of the year to celebrate? Why do we wait for the NYE to make a resolution and improve our life? Few weeks ago, I was making my annual family greeting card and thinking of captions and quotes to summarize my wish for 2016. I decided on “the best is yet to come,’ and then it struck me, NYE is about hope. “The best is yet to come.”
It is this hope that keeps the world moving. It is hope for our loved ones, it is hope for a world with peace, it is hope that our kids will find a world better than ours.
Hope is the kinetic energy for our soul, it is hope that keeps the flame of positivity alive and makes us all human.
So you see 2015, If you agree, then there really is no right or wrong way to celebrate NYE. Whether we a choose to watch the ball drop in the comfort of our home or party the night out, we celebrate hope as we wish. We do what is needed to keep us moving forward, because that is what NYE is all about. It is about dreaming the impossible and hoping we will be one step closer to that dream before the next NYE rings in.
2015, you brought in tears and joy alike. From the birth of a royal prince to the celebration of Marty McFly and Dr. Emmet’s vision to the many wars; It’s been quite a year for you and I am sure you are tired and ready to call it a night.
On a more personal front, between you and me the story wasn’t any different. You pulled out all the tricks and tried your best to keep the downward spiral going but then hope stepped in and the spiral reversed. Hope showed me the last frontier, hope brought in old school friendships I had forgotten, hope encouraged me to pick up the painting brushes again and most recently hope (read hubby) fulfilled long over due bucket list item and seeing Sedona and Death Valley. More importantly hope reminded me that I am only responsible for myself.
You taught me that as humans the only super power we have is to keep moving. No matter how tough it gets, no matter how much life sucks, we have to get up every morning with a smile and hope for a good day.
2015, I bid you farewell tonight. I wish you luck and I hope you have a wonderful afterlife. Tomorrow when 2016 knocks on the door, I hope it will have a great year and bring happiness and good health for one and all.
“She stops staring and instead smiles at the mirror, for now she is a year older and a year wiser. She is no longer afraid or shy because she knows it’s not the leaps and bounds but the one confident step every time that makes the journey possible. And for that she is thankful not to herself or god, but to her better half. He doesn’t surprise her with roses and diamonds but yes he took the shy little girl by her hand and continues to introduce her to the confident girl that was and in some ways is still hiding inside her. He tells her that at this point she should do what she likes.” The Shy Little Girllooks at the mirror again and realizes she’s been on this planet for 44 years now. She compliments herself. The dark circles, the grey hair, the extra pounds, the sunspots, the fading eyesight, she embraces them all because they are a gentle reminder of a continued life. She continues to stay wary of the crowds, but with every passing day she is losing her camouflage, and sometimes that worries her. It worries her not because she will be found, but more because she will no longer have the super-power to be invisible.
Where did time go? It seems like yesterday that I, as a tween was taking my first step of independence as my mom said her goodbyes to me in my hostel. It seems like yesterday when I met 6 amazing girls in engineering college and it truly is a miracle that they are still a part of my life. It seems like yesterday when I walked down the aisle and waived goodbye to my parents and boarded the flight to USA and started my own family. 44 years later and here am I today – thinking about all the “seems like yesterdays” and smiling to myself, for I survived. Life is full of variables and every variable has a constant that becomes visible with time. We are all a product of our own experiences. My experiences have taught me a few lessons that I believe will help me survive the next 44
Death is a reality.Life is fickle. We all have to die sometime. Don’t make it harder on yourself by not doing what you want to do today. Live your dreams, so when your time comes, you know you have lived your life.
Fill your and another’s bucket every day. How many of you know the story How Full is Your Bucket? I love this story. If you haven’t, listen to it and fill your bucket everyday. I had forgotten about this until a 5-year-old girl reminded me. Now, I try to fill my bucket everyday.
In the grandeur of the Universe, you are a speck. Nothing more and nothing less – just a speck, so stop thinking the world of your self. No matter how smart you are there is always going to be someone smarter than you. Instead be humble, your humility will help another shy girl come out of her shell.
Keep life simple. The more we have, the more complicated it gets, so try and have the minimum apps that you need to survive in this techy world.
Let children be children. When they create a fuss, within reason cater to this fuss. They fuss with you because they know they can. They fuss with you because they know you can take you for granted. Let them fuss, because when you were a child, you fussed too and your parents catered to your fuss.
Don’t become a teenager. Post 40 life is hard for many. There is a sudden desire to dress teen, act teen and be teen. Why? You are lucky to be here, the privilege of turning 40 and beyond is denied to many; don’t try to turn the clock back. Celebrate your curves, edges and the years.
Money is relative, is needed and the same is true for success. You will need money to survive in this world, how much you need, is the relative part. It is not about how much money you have, it is about what you can do with the little that you have.
Find friends in the real world. Try to be THAT one friend to someone who can be taken for granted and find ONE such friend for yourself too. Value your friendship more than your pride and say sorry first. This holds true for all other relationships that you value.
Think positive and surround your self with positive thoughts. Stay away from those who concur with your negativity. Embrace those who disagree with your negativity, for they are the ones trying hard to bring out the best in you.
The Universe is always listening and giving us clues. Pay attention.
Romance and love are not the same. Romance is conditional. Love is unconditional. Love is what brings out the best in us.
If you try to make everyone happy, YOU will be the un-happiest person. This does not mean you need to be selfish and self centered, it simply means that solving every problem in the world, is not your job.
It’s okay to vent out. Remember THAT one friend – cleanse your soul by venting out and then go back to filling your and another’s bucket.
This birthday was the realization that I NOW know how to enjoy my own company. I can still not eat alone or go to the movies alone, but I can be myself and not get bored. I am my best friend and no one can be me. 44 years – is the oldest and youngest I can be today and why wait for a celebration, celebrate yourself. It’s time to make every second count and keep filling those buckets. Happy Birthday to me!
Parenting is an interesting journey. As a new parent we swear not to make the mistakes our parents made and then with every passing day, we become our parents. We revisit the unfulfilled ambitions and hope our kids will fulfill them one day. We start teaching them to see the dreams we have for them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong in it, if your child agrees with you, for the most part, they don’t. This disagreement is what keeps the circle of life going. Imagine if every generation was like the generation before, we would probably still rubbing rocks to create fire.
This past weekend, November 6th, I saw the much talked about movie “Most Likely to Succeed.” This movie is a dauntless allegation proclaiming the failure of the education system. It is a wake up call to parents and schools for demanding change. Through interviews and perspectives of educators, innovators and the change guru’s it proves its point – the education system is failing and does not prepare our kids for the future that lies ahead of them.
Over the years as a parent, my observation has been that the education industry is the only industry in the world that makes sweeping changing in policies, its product and or process with absolutely no input from its final consumer base – the students. If the question to a student were, “would you like to present your knowledge or test it?” What do you think will the majority answer be? I will be very surprised and in some ways intrigued if the majority students come back saying, “test it.” The movie attempts to answer this question. Ted Dintersmith and Greg Whitely present historical data and follow the modern HighTech High School in San Diego, CA to understand this alternative approach to teaching where the traditional textbooks are chugged for project-based learning. The teachers of the school acknowledge that while the kids who go to High Tech High, may miss out on the breadth of topics learnt, they are definitely getting a better depth of knowledge and in addition they learn the soft skills of communicating, leadership and learning to fail while not giving up being one of the most important ones.
For me personally, the highlight of the movie was the split second shot of the student Brian smiling at the end of the movie. The movie showed us a very powerful image – Brian and his team were not able to complete the project assigned. They missed the deadline and yet the teachers acknowledge his vision, they give the student time to contemplate and understand that having a vision and implementation in a team setting requires grit and tenacity. The student had nothing to show and yet he was not penalized, he was given time to continue and succeed. This is a life skill that can only be learnt by experience.
The current education system lacks this very important concept – kids need room to fail and then they need tons of patience from their mentors to help them succeed. When everything from class participation to quizzes and tests are graded, there is no room to fail. One bad test grade and their grade for the quarter is ruined. How can that be right?
The opponents might argue that grades are what the colleges need. I agree, grades are needed and as long as there is demand from colleges for the GPA’s and grades, the system cannot change. This was a missing element in the movie. There was no feedback from the college admission personnel. Are they willing to chug the grades and base the selection process solely on interviews. Today, college application process is million-dollar industry. Parents are paying insane amounts to counselors so they can fine-tune the essays. The applications are engineered for success and thus killing the free spirit or creativity again.
Some movements can start at the grass roots while some start from the top; the change in education has to come from the universities. The universities have to step up and say, we don’t need GPA’s; we need students who can lead, who can communicate across personalities and nationalities. These are attributes that can only be seen and experienced.
124 years ago the Erudite designed the education system, hoping to create a world filled Candors,Amity andAbnegation. Together, the intelligent, honest, selfless and peace loving humans created a Divergent world. A world that is connected by invisible bridges. Bridges that connect many clouds of information. The student of today needs to know how to walk these bridges, gather information and bring it down to planet earth and create a better environment for all.
To serve the needs of this Divergent world, the education industry needs to break out of its allegiant model and evolve.
Yes, they are a species of their own. The number 13 has always been associated with let’s just say “not so fun” things..and so is it a surprise that as soon as your hugging loving child turns 13, they start pushing you away. They demand independence because they are 13. They say they are adults now. Really? You ask why? They say.. well because I am 13.
When my journey into the teenage world started, I was confident none of the stories would hold true for me. I had after all done the right things, and had a great relationship with my child. The proverbial open book kind of relationship and then it happened..a few new chemicals in the blood stream and boom… they turn into Homoteens – I had no clue about this new species and as I soon discovered, neither does the scientific world, they are only now beginning to research and understand why the Homosapiens evolve into Homoteens. Something about the prefrontal cortex not being developed. Do I really care about it as a mother? Do you care about it?
Don’t get me wrong, the science helps – it helps because it makes us, the parents realize that our child is normal and is going through the expected path of development, and just like the baby Homosapiens don’t come with instructions, neither do the Homoteens. You are pretty much on your own as a parent. When a baby cries, the world sympathizes with the parents, when a homoteen cries, the world mocks the parents and feels sorry for them. Such is the world we live in.
2 years into this and I continue to be amazed at how quickly these kids grow and sneak up on us. These are all brilliant kids doing silly things because its fun. I see boys with the audacity to walk away when their parents are talking and I see girls being feisty and quick to quip back, and then there are some who hide themselves in an imaginary world with their heads bowed constantly and we as parents just stand and watch with our mouths agape wishing that if only they talked to us.
The struggles will always be there, the distractions stay, the priorities dwindle, but life will find a way. The hometeens will stand up again, slowly but steadily. The will become tall, strong adults. Will they choose the pathways their parents designed? Some will and some won’t. Will they be successful? Yes, they will be, but their definition of success may not be an engineering or medical job with a cushy salary and a big house. Their definition of success might be remote working and traveling the world and you as a parent will have to accept that, for that’s how the world is now.
The world has changed. Every industry has gone through a transformation so why should the human being be left behind. Just as the teens are evolving, we the parents will need to evolve too. Teenage is a fairly new concept. 100 years ago this species did not exist. I think we the adults created them … we told them you are 13 now, you are a grown up now and so you should act like one. When the truth is they are not grown ups, science is proving they are not mature to make many decisions and often their judgement is clouded. We then tell the kids ok you are 16 start driving, but you can’t vote yet, then we say ok you can vote, but you can’t drink alcohol because you are not an adult yet. They officially become adults at 21, so why have we created these 4 different stages of in between adults.
Hug your spooky teen no matter how hard they push. Hold them close to your heart when they scream at you. Let them feel the warmth of your body. This warmth soothed them when they became; and it will soothe them today too.
Today its Halloween. When a group of tall, short, spunky, loud spooky homoteens ring the bell, give them candy, don’t wonder how and why the cute costume co-ordinated halloween buckets converted into trash bags and pillow cases, just give them candy and say Happy Halloween.
They are still kids, trying to find their place in this crazy world.
Happy Halloween! Let us celebrate the loving spooky teens and preteens.
It’s been a year since I stopped blogging regularly and I had my reasons. I was angry at many things in life, and every time I wrote, I wrote dark. I did not like that about myself. Life is not all happy, I know that, but writing to me is a way of sorting the unhappy from happy and when only unhappy comes out, its hard and takes much more effort to dig through the pile and drag the happy up. This was important for me. I have always taken pride in my capability to adapt and adjust and when the unhappy was stopping me from doing that, it was frustrating.
We are all a product of our experiences and it is the change that these experiences bring to our lives that makes us all human. The experience of losing my last grandparent, seeing the effects of cancer and how it changes lives and most importantly seeing how relationships change in times of stress, these experiences taught me the most important lesson of all: “life as we know it, is very fickle.”
Lesson 1: Life is fickle, it changes with the flip of a coin.
So, what’s the anecdote to this. It took a while, but slowly and steadily I am learning to live for one day only. Live as if this was your last day. So god forbid, if something happened to me overnight, tomorrow morning there won’t be anyone cussing me, but instead they will remember that I waved to them randomly as I walked my kid to school.
Lesson 2: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.
This is the only thing that works when friends or foe hurt you. It’s the hardest thing to do, but it is very important to move on and stay at peace with the world and most importantly yourself.
Forgive the colleague who took the laurels for all your handwork or the love you loved and it went away or or the teenager who used the only power they have to be rude and insulted you or those who keep asking you why you don’t work. Forgiving does not mean, forgetting what happened. It just means that you have healed. The scar will always be there and remind you of the pain. But cherish that scar, for that scar is a reminder of your triumph and how you overcame that pain. Forgiving someone does not mean that you need to be friends with them again, it just means that you have accepted them for who they are and are choosing to walk away to be at peace with yourself.
Lesson 3: Be yourself.
This is the universal truth and also one that we never actually make an effort for. Why? Maybe it’s the mixed messages we get in our life. When we were little and forgot the little things, we were told; “try to remember, its important to remember things,” and as we grow up we are told; “please try to forget, its important to look at the big picture and not the tiny details.” We tell our kids, make your own pathway, be a leader, but yes don’t forget to learn piano and get your A’s like the other kids.
We contradict ourselves daily and don’t think of it as same.
You will get a different advise at every phase of your life, and that advise is not necessarily bad advise, its appropriate for that moment. It is the change in advise and lack of empathy that comes in the future that creates the problem. So as you strive to forgive and be yourself, listen to everyone’s advise, do what makes sense to you and once you make that choice, don’t blame the world for it. A bad grade in school, a project gone wrong, a sour relationship, a burnt dinner, an angry child or simply a backload of laundry, these are all choices you made, not the world, so accept the shortcomings with the same grace as you smile at the applaud.
Some one told me yesterday – don’t short sell yourself and don’t take a step down. Stick to your guts, the struggle is there, but every failed effort is a step in the right direction. You may not have the right answer now, but you now know what won’t work and that’s HUGE.
Lesson 4: Surround yourself with positive people.
This is imperative in this crazy world. Surround yourself with folks who are good at heart. It does not matter how big their house is or how old their car is. As long as they have a good heart, you are in good hands. Remember the little boy who wandered the deserts looking for the Alchemist, well he taught us all one thing, “when you want something really bad, the universe comes together to make it happen for you.” This is very true. The Universe like us also has its mood swings and attitude problems. If you surround yourself with negative folks, you will attract more unwanted unhappy in your life.
Look for people who tell you, “yes life sucks right now, but its a phase and this too shall pass.”
Often we ignore to receive a call or make an excuse to not answer the call and sometimes it is just our pride that stops us from calling or texting the person. Appreciate that person who takes the time to call you, or write to you. They have choices. They are choosing to spend that moment thinking about you.
Today, I choose to ignore the negative, nurture the positive and move on. By doing so, I am sure the fickle life will slowly learn to stabilize itself. After all it’s life, it blooms in the most unexpected places.
It’s been a delight taking the Alaska virtual tour with all of you. The final phase of this tour is a trip to Denali. As our last phase we start driving from Talkeetna to Denali National Park. Before we start driving , lets take a quick walk through history to understand how Alaska came to be. The word Alyeska – an ancient Aleut word means “The Great Land.” Great it is, the shoreline of Alaska alone is greater than the U.S Atlantic shoreline. In terms of size, Alaska is Texas, California and Montana combined and the best part, you actually get paid to live in Alaska. Yes, the few brave souls who dare to be different and live here get paid by the state government every year.
Denali is the Athabascan name meaning “High One.” and Denali National Park is different from any other park you have seen in the United States. More than a park, its a preserve, it is a 6 million acres of land across Alaska with only one road running through the park. The local obstinacy to keep it as natural as possible is so strong that Denali Park Services use dog sleds instead of snow mobiles during winter. When a fellow tourist asked why are snow mobiles bad, the naturalist asked us a question; Which sound is more natural in the forest, the roaring snow mobile engine or the howling dogs? We all shook our head in agreement. I told you, folks who move here are intelligent, smart, resourceful and almost eccentric 🙂
Let’s start driving to Denali. It’s a beautiful drive. See for yourself. Looks like any other mountain road, right? How about now? Blew my mind away. Notice the different vegetation. That’s the Tiaga Forest. Tiaga is a Russian term meaning “little sticks,” an apt name for these thin forest trees. They look like Xmas trees on a diet 🙂 At about 2700 feet Tiaga makes way for the Tundra. Tundra is a fancy word for the dwarf trees and tiny flowers that grow in the valley beds. Wildflowers and shrubs in the Tundra are adapted for the short growing season. Just like the short tourist season, summer is short here too. In August, we were already seeing the fall colors peeping out in some plants.
For me personally, seeing the Tiaga forest was a treat. I had read about it long long time ago in our geography books but never thought I would see it. Interestingly even though tiny, their presence is just as humbling as the Redwoods. Tiaga biome is the largest biome on earth. It extends all the way into Russia. It’s closeness to the Arctic circle brings in long bitter cold winters to short wet summers. The climate demands adaptation and respect for nature. Here’s another view of the beautiful glaciated waters of Nanena River flowing through the park and the forest.
And one more.. I was mesmerized by the sheer enormity of these tiny trees. Just imagine them lit like Xmas trees amongst the Denali. It’s North Pole and I am sure Santa comes here first 🙂 The construction equipment is a reminder of the human hand and was the perfect juxtaposition in this scene.
We kept driving with no GPS and yet we were not lost. We had the Alaska App. Yes, the state has its app that works without data or WiFi, a blessing indeed. Since its just one road in and out, directions are pretty simple, but yet one needs to make sure how far the destination is. The app pulled up our hotel name “The Grand Denali Lodge” and its phone number. With that, we made sure we did not miss this beauty perched high up on the hills.
As we turned, interesting signs stared coming our way. I found this one quite amusing. Another fun fact we did not know, Alaska has mosquitoes and lots of them.
As we get closer, it gets prettier and we are all super excited.
Notice the name of the different tour companies. That is why it is important to book through a tour company. It’s a little more expensive, but you get the best of the best. We booked ours through Alaska Tour and Travel (www.alaskatravel.com) And I give them 200/100. The staff is amazing. They operate 7 days a week and open as early as 6.30am. I highly recommend them. They did an absolutely fabulous job with our trip and the hotels they are affiliated with are definitely the best in town.
The Grande Denali Lodge for instance has the best view in town,better than Princess Cruise lodge or any other. See for yourself.
Yes, the clouds were coming in and the weather was perfect for some spicy tasty Pakora .. but we had to settle for Sweet Potato fries at the lodge restaurant. Expensive but good. They catered to our very picky vegetarian and kid specific palette and did a fabulous job. They also have an up close and personal bear 🙂
The next morning we took at 6.55am tour to Denali National Park. The bus picks you and the other passengers up from the respective hotels and then drives you into he park. Unlike other national parks, Denali allows private cars only for a few miles. If you want to go deep into the park, the tour buses are your only option. When you research on Denali National Park, interestingly you will find many people saying “skip it.” The very fact that they said this, made me want to go 🙂 Now I can tell you why? Here’s my take on it. When you go to Denali, don’t look for Yellowstone or the Muir Woods there. You won’t find it. It is unlike any other park for it is an International Biosphere Reserve. The predator – prey balance is as natural as it was before mankind discovered the park. Every effort has been made to make sure that the animals have minimal interaction with human beings and their habitat stays as natural as possible. Yes, you can hike but we didn’t. Our group had an age bracket fro 1.5 years – 70+ and everything in between, so we decided to go lazy and sat in the bus as it rolled meditatively through Denali. Did we see animals? Yes we did.
Can you spot the bear? This is a picture form my iPhone, I am sure professional camera’s got a better view, but you get the idea of how far these animals are from the road.
The tour buses have come up with a creative way of showing wildlife to the tourists. They point their fancy camera to the animal and we see them on the screen and of course we take a picture of the screen 🙂 We saw quite a few animals.. bears, caribou lots of them, Dhal Sheep, Ram, Birds but no Moose 🙁 Here’s a clearer shot of the Caribou. Trivia question for all of you – What’s the difference between a Caribou and a Reindeer?
As the bus rolled along, we crossed some amazing sites and soon the tree line vanished to be replaced by rocky mountains. I took this picture because it reminded me of “THE THING.” How many of you know what “THE THING” is?
This is a 7 hour long tour. We get stops in between to stretch our legs and breathe in the beauty. This view made me feel there is someone up there watching us all and since we are so close to the Arctic Circle, it has to be Santa. Right?
We came dow safely after meandering through the single lane roads and taking in all the beauty. Our evening was all about buying our tiny trinkets and ending it with a scrumptious dinner at Prospectus Pizza. Highly recommend this place it has a crazy selection of Pizza and their bruschetta is amazing. A view of the Denali Boardwalk 🙂 The next day, we were tired but very excited to do the ATV tour. Unfortunately I did not take too many pictures of the ATV tour, but again I highly recommend it. Our toddler enjoyed it and the 70+ were thrilled by it. So it’s safe and yet exhilarating. The pic below is of the sand mountain. I liked it for the contrast and how abruptly the tree line ends. This was the last stop in the ATV tour. And so ended our stay in Denali and we drove back to Anchorage for one more night before we boarded our respective flights to go home. One last shot of Denali.
After days of pasta, sandwiches and pizza, we were all craving for some good wholesome Indian food. Well at least the grown ups were, the kids would have taken Subway over Indian 🙂 But never the less we found Namaste Shangri-La – Good food and a very typical ambience.
Another place we tried during our first leg of the journey was the Indian restaurant Yak and Yeti – a whole in the wall place, but good home cooked meal. If you want a non-greasy home cooked meal, then Yak and Yeti is the place to go. They even sell chai by the gallons 🙂 Yak and Yeti is co-owned by a local Alaskan and a Nepali who came to Alaska and stayed. I am told their Himalayan Chicken is outstanding and I enjoyed their simple dal with Aloo-Gobi.
We said our good byes to each other with the desire to explore again.
Life is an adventure. We are born to explore. As babies we learn by touching, feeling and observing. As we grow, we start Googling and life then becomes a routine with blah and boring days. Life is not about being born, going to college, getting a job, paying bills, saving money for a house, saving more for retirement and then dying. In Alaska I met many who lived life by the day. They most likely didn’t have a bank balance or a house, some of them maybe didn’t even have a permanent address and yet they were not complaining. How do I know this? Why else would they be coming to Alaska every summer for year after year.
Can I do it? I don’t think so. I missed the boat 🙂 on this one, but I am wiser. Alaska taught me to take one day at a time.
Alaska – we will see you again. This time in winter. Yes, I know I am crazy, but where else can I find a Ice Hotel but in Alaska. Till then, keep traveling and explore.
surprised to find our resort way beyond our expectations. Xanterra is the company behind 
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